Friday, May 3, 2013

Monster Says: Let's Go For A Run!

... And I say: I don't think so.

I'm very disappointed in you!


I know I haven't been posting much lately, sorry about that. But to be quite honest I did try - it just wound up being the same thing over and over; "woe is me, I have a broken leg, everything is so difficult, poor Monster, boohoo", and who wants to read that? (Well, all right, if there's one thing having a blog has taught me it's that there are people out there who get turned on by the strangest things, so no doubt there are people who actually would have liked to read that. But that's not what this blog is for, and I'm not that kind of "monstermom"... Did you know I can see what search words led you to my blog? Yeah, that's right, I know what you're doing. Now go away, there's nothing for you here. Freaks.) Whew, got that off my chest - now where was I? Right, didn't want to whine on about the same thing all the time, couldn't seem to focus on anything else. So I've kept a bit quiet. Until now! You see, now is my moment of triumph!

Uh-huh... I don't think you're using that word right.


Big news: I AM FREE! The cast is gone! Woohoo, time to celebrate! Let's go for a six hour hike! Except... Did you know your leg doesn't work very well after five-six weeks in a cast? I actually did know that, and thought I was prepared for it. Turns out I was nowhere near prepared... It hurts. But that's fine, I can deal with pain (not well, mind you, but I can do it). But the leg just doesn't work right, and the foot won't bend. And I'm so weak! When I was in the cast I thought it was difficult controlling Monster physically in case he went nuts, the cast was cumbersome and made me slow and awkward. But it was also something truly rigid to lever against the momentum, so once (if) I'd managed to get into position there was little chance Monster could actually move me. Now, I've got nothing. Sure, the leg moves more easily now than it did with the cast on, but it's basically useless. I couldn't hold a cat bracing against that leg. I can barely walk...

I've noticed.


The physical therapist told me to take it easy and do my exercises. I'll do my exercises, but the "take it easy" part is bugging me. Why, exactly? Surely the more I use the leg the faster it'll get back to normal? As I understood it I was actually doing a lot better out of the cast than expected (clearly we had different expectations!), due to the amount of walking I've been doing. Then more walking is better, right? And surely, using my leg and foot for their actual purpose - rather than doing some repetitive exercises in my living room - must be the ultimate training for atrophied muscles? But it's really difficult... The pain isn't really all that bad, it's like a bad sprain (except it's not just my ankle but all the way from my toes to my knee) plus exercise soreness (the walk from the hospital to my ride home, 3-4 ks across town, was probably not a good idea in hindsight), and I know how to walk through a sprain. Basically, you just grit your teeth and do it. But the lack of control and the strange weakness is a bigger issue - if I lose my balance even a little bit, I've got a very slim chance of correcting. I can fall flat on my face because Monster turned his head to look at something and the tiny tug on the leash caused an infinitesimal shift in balance - and I can't really shift my balance... You know what this is? It's annoying, that's what it is! I get so irritated that my leg just won't do its job. But still. Even though right now I'm actually even slower and less in control than I was with the cast on, getting the cast off is still a huge milestone! While the leg feels ridiculously stubborn right now, at least I can start working on getting back to normal. With the cast on, every day was just something to get through. Now, finally, I can start actively working on improving.

Hm. Maybe...


The PT also told me I mustn't limp, since that's just a leftover from walking with the cast and if I keep doing it it'll become my permanent walk. Lady, I'm not limping because it's comfortable - I'm limping because it hurts to put weight on my leg! But all right, I'm being very careful to not limp. Promise. Even though that means every single step I take is slow and thought through, and I basically wind up walking like a bride down the isle. It feels (and no doubt looks) ridiculous, but I'm not limping (much). I'm not using the damned crutches though, that part you can just forget.

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