(Over)Confidence, Revisited

First of all, that quote in my last post? That's what's called an ugly quote, as in I never read the source I just thought it sounded good/on point when I happened to stumble across it. I was looking for a Pratchett quote about hubris, but I couldn't find it (and can't remember which book/character it was from). I do read Pratchett. (Religiously.) Still can't Google up the quote though... Let's go with another one of his, just because.
"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
(Terry Pratchett)
This is not a quote about hubris, since cats just keep getting away with it...

As, it turns out, do I. So far... I find it hard to evaluate my actions and choices in regards to Monster's freedom, what is the right choice after all? Since I do keep "getting away with it", perhaps I'm overvaluating the risk? Or is it just chance, setting me up for a big fall?

Err... Whuh?

Last night Mom wanted to go berry picking again. Fortunately(?) as I arrived at their place with Monster a guest on a bike (Monster: "RRRRAAAAAAARRRGH! An ENEMY!") arrived at the same time, and Mom got a good demonstration of how I actually am not "constantly exaggerating" Monster's problems. To the point of asking me if I perhaps shouldn't leave him at home while we went to the forest... I patiently (well...) explained to her that absolutely nothing had changed from yesterday, or any other day when she blithely ignores my concerns on risk management with regards to Monster and thinks he should basically be allowed to run around free. And acts on it, if I don't keep a careful eye on her! Since he was no more dangerous after her seeing him react to the biker (as opposed to hearing me tell her about him reacting to something), her concerns should be no greater than before. Monster hadn't changed at all. With this he came along, and Dory too. This time I was however more successful in getting Mom to move further from the road (also helped by us going to a different spot, where the terrain was easier for her to navigate), which was a relief for me. The evening passed without incident - a couple of times Monster perked up toward the road and started to move toward it with interest, but he turned away immediately when I called him. Dory was very much getting on my bad side however, since she kept trying to lure him away! Following a path through the forest for a couple of minutes would lead to a couple of houses with dogs outside, and Dory quickly ran off to visit them (Mom: "... She'll come back eventually." Me: "!"). She did indeed come back (dogs howling and barking in the distance, to Monster's fascination), but only to fetch Monster. She ran around him in invitation and got him to follow her down the path, but! He wouldn't go more than 70-80 meters or so (after stopping them a couple of times I allowed it to see what would happen - hubris again, right?), when he reached the "too far" line - as decided by him - he sat promptly down and refused to take another step no matter what Dory did. When she eventually ran off without him again he started barking in frustration and running around, but he would not follow her! How about that...?

That's cause I'm a Good Boy.

Today, on our daily walk down to my parents' house, we encountered yet another chance for me to make the wrong, risky choice. Of course I took it! As we came around a bend in the road we spotted a deer in a field (150-200 meters away). Monster was off leash and noticed the deer a little after me, but I chose to not distract and leash him even though I had the option (probably). As the deer noticed us, and we kept moving towards it, it turned and walked into the forest behind the field. Monster, by then perhaps 20-30 meters ahead of me, picked up speed, his body tense, head high, tail rigid and upright. I let him go. Could I have called him back at this point? I think so now, and I thought so then. But I wanted a greater distraction, I wanted a test... Monster was running ahead, toward where he'd seen the deer disappear, and I could see the instant he crossed the scent trail - if he'd been running before he started racing now. I still let him go. He followed the trail into the woods, running flat out and completely fixated on the hunt, and when I couldn't see him any more I called out once, turned and walked away...

Did you think this through?

... And was instantly rewarded with an almighty crash behind me, as Monster immediately took the most direct route toward the sound of my voice (I'm guessing), and rather than retracing his steps through easier terrain just barged through bushes and small trees instead. He came literally thundering up behind me, covered in branches and leaves! Happy with this success I immediately proceeded to test him further (of course! why not end in defeat?), and turned around again and set off on a course where we'd cross the deer's trail quite close to where we'd seen it disappear. Monster still off leash. As we came to the spot Monster again became agitated, sniffing around, craning his head toward the forest edge, stepping in place and looking toward me. I didn't interact with him at all, just kept walking past. And Monster just dropped it, followed me and was as relaxed and responsive as before the whole thing. That's something, right?

(To be clear: the deer walked away quite calmly - for a deer - and had a good head start. If it had run off, if I had thought there was any risk of Monster getting very close, if it had set off across open terrain instead of into the forest, or if in some other way I had judged there was a risk of severely stressing the animal, I would have (attempted to?) stopped Monster from engaging. I do not think the world is around to serve our/my needs, I do not think I can make others "pay" for Monster's "gain". I made two judgments, the first that the deer was in no risk from Monster's pursuit, and the second that I could stop Monster from prolonging the pursuit beyond the point where I felt I had a good overview of the situation. You may well judge me as having put the deer at risk anyway, and I'll have to live with that, but I did believe at the time that I had the situation under control. I do believe in retrospect that I did not cause any harm to the deer beyond the initial alarm on seeing us approach - and that's unavoidable whether leashed or not.)

Down south where we live, the stupid animals hang around staring at us until we're just 10-20 meters away - or less - before they go running off in a panic across wide open fields. In that situation Monster would never be allowed off leash to begin with, much less allowed to pursue.

So. Did I do the right thing? Was it a horrible mistake? The result would (perhaps?) indicate I evaluated the situation correctly... I thought I could recall Monster from a hunt situation, and I succeeded. I thought even at a distance of a couple of hundred meters, out of sight, and more or less wholly engrossed in a strong behavior (tracking/hunting/pursuing), Monster would respond to my recall. Well, he did. I thought that even when seriously revved up by the experience, rather than it drawing him back to it again he would let it go when I showed no interest to engage in it with him. He did. So I walked away with a confirmation of my expectations. But the question I'm stuck with is whether or not that's actually a good thing?

Why not?

Because adding to my confidence levels, both in my control over Monster and in my ability to judge my control over Monster, could after all lead to disaster down the line, right? There is a line between training and real world we all have to cross eventually, in most of our training. There is only so much "controlled environment exercise" you can do successfully, before it becomes time to (gradually) move it out of that environment. (Unless you're content with staying there, but few of us are I think.) I have zero ambition to walk Monster off leash in for example a city environment, but I do want to be able to let him off the leash in less stressful surroundings. In order to get there, I have to let go of the leash. But when? Where? How? I don't want Monster to be a threat to others. I don't want him to even frighten others (within reason; people getting upset at the mere sight of a calm, leashed dog some distance away can just learn to deal with their own problems, frankly). I think I have sufficient control over him off leash in order to be moving carefully across that line into the real world (while still staying in a very unchallenging environment), but how do you know? Well, I know the answer to that: you don't. You can only try to be objective and responsible, and keep evaluating as you go. Right? But for something like off leash control, the 80% rule doesn't really apply I think. You need to be much closer to 100%. But you never actually reach 100% though! You can never know with absolute certainty how a situation will develop or how your dog will respond, the best you can do is "fairly sure". (No matter what some people will tell you! No one can guarantee their dog's absolute obedience in any situation, it's simply not possible. And quite frankly, anyone who makes that sort of claim is someone I'd steer quite clear of, as it to me reeks of poor judgment and lack of responsibility.) And for a lot of people, even less than that is quite acceptable (at least to them); they have dogs they don't need to control all that closely, as they're perhaps small, cute, with zero interest in other people or animals... Monster is interested. And while I think he's about the most adorable creature who ever lived, not everyone shares that view of him. He's certainly not small. I need to have him under control. But at which point is he under sufficient control?

Just how much harder do you want me to work, really?

If I thought he was actually dangerous, he'd be permanently leashed. But I don't. If I thought he'd run off from me to confront someone we came across, he'd be leashed (perhaps permanently, but I'd at least try to work on that). But I don't. If I thought he'd go after the wildlife, he'd be leashed. But I don't. My assumptions in these things have been tested (1 by meeting a man on a close path, Monster barked at him but returned to me when called; 2 by walking past people picking berries in the woods by the road before I realized they were there; 3 by getting called off the hunt today), but that's not really proof of anything more than success in those specific situations. Sure, it's also good indications of reliability of behavior, but it's not proof. Proof can not be had. So. What to do? Do I (try to) rein myself in, or do I trust myself more? Because it's not like I'm impartial after all. No matter how hard I try to objectively evaluate myself, Monster, results, etc, I am also always driven by ambition. I want a specific result. How much am I influenced by that in my evaluations?

Don't you trust me?

Teach, you need to teleport up here and help us out! An objective view is sorely needed. I'm all alone up here... ("Try a shock collar!" I was told today. And then they stop listening when I patiently(?) try to explain why that's a terrible idea.)

What's that now? "Shock collar"? Fine with me - I'm the one holding the remote and they're the ones wearing the collar, right?

I would like to try some setups, I think... I would like to encounter people (with and without dogs) at various distances, moving and standing still, in our path and off to the side... But there is no one here to ask - no one who wouldn't use aggression and intimidation on Monster if he should approach them. And that's not a variation of setup I feel ready for. Not because I'm sure it would go badly - I'd estimate perhaps 80% certainty that I'd still be able to call him away - but because it's a somewhat higher risk, and most of all because it's not the kind of experience which will aid Monster's progress...

Nah, what could possibly go wrong?! I'm a very stable dude! No bad experiences are going to influence me...

And since quoting Pratchett is a lot like that proverbial popcorn eating, here are a couple more I couldn't help myself from cramming in here...

A difference I often observe in traditional vs. positive dog trainers:
"The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to those who think they’ve found it."
(Terry Pratchett)

And something for all of us to keep in mind:
"Sooner or later we're all someone's dog"
(Terry Pratchett)

 I had to put them last so I could stop myself from just writing more and more by quickly pressing "publ

Monster Gets New Clothes

So... I swear I meant to start up with the daily posts last time I wrote. But obviously that didn't happen...

Heh, you people are really gullible!

Aaaaaanyway.... Today we've been off to see Teach again. We were working against the world's tiniest Poodle! The cutest little fluff of black lint, at first neither Monster nor I realized there was a dog there - but she had a pretty big voice, and made sure she got noticed! She also seemed to share Monster's fascination with sticks, some of them bigger than she was. (Monster likes big sticks too, but when he goes after the ones bigger than him - which does happen - we're usually talking about still rooted trees...)

We could play together! I've got a great stick collection. I promise I'd be careful...

Unfortunately today didn't go very well. We've been having quite a few setbacks lately, and this continued to show in the training session. While Monster seemed OK from time to time, he also lost the plot completely several times. He was reared up on his hind legs (making him taller than me), snarling and lunging, air snapping, slamming into both me and Teach - you know, generally making a nuisance of himself... This is depressing, especially in light of the progress I've been seeing (imagining?) lately. Setbacks like this make me question if we're really getting anywhere at all, and while I know that's an overreaction born from disappointment it doesn't change how it feels. I know it's a very temporary slump, but right now I'm a bit disheartened.

Sorry, Mom...

But as Teach pointed out: Monster's behaviour - at his very worst in his current state - is no worse than you see a dozen small to miniature dogs behave whenever you go out on a walk. Monster's size (and, let's be honest, his looks) makes his behaviour a problem that must be dealt with, while owners of smaller dogs can - and do - ignore it and live with it. I'm not making excuses here, I am working on Monster's issues and I want to make him more pleasant for everyone to be around, but it helps put some perspective on my feelings of failure. At least I'm working on it, you know...?

I beg your pardon? You're working on it?

Anyway, Monster having a bad day in training gave me an excellent opportunity to test some stuff out! (Silver lining and all that, come on let's all be optimists!) I've been getting more and more desperate to find gear that fits Monster well, not to mention that feels safe. Being easy to use - and comfortable - is certainly no small thing either. But I haven't managed to find anything, no harnesses and not even simple collars are good enough. They chafe, don't fit right (understandable considering how many different body shapes dogs come in, "size" is never going to be enough of a descriptor), and most importantly: they break. That's not OK, and definitely not OK with Monster's issues... So I've given up, I can't find anything that works - most gear for large dogs just makes the item bigger, but uses the same strength/size of buckles, straps, etc, meaning they snap or break at some very bad times for us - and have decided to try making something myself!

Hah, you crack me up! You come up with the darndest ideas!

Now, what you need to know about me is that I have some serious spatial reasoning issues - we're talking genuine disability here - and I'm a complete fumble-fingers in all things crafty. So this is not a decision I've come to lightly... But what am I supposed to do!? There is seriously nothing out there that fits Monster and is safe - let's not even go near "easy to use". So, I've been mucking about a bit, and today I realized if I was going to try using gear of my own design it would be the perfect opportunity to do it in a training session! A chance for a solid test run in difficult situations, while there also being some extra security in it being (somewhat) predictable plus Teach was around to help if I'd need to grab Monster and needed someone to get some backup equipment... So, I spent all day at the sewing machine (well, a lot of time was also spent swearing over a seam ripper), and just made it in time! Take a look:

Hah, I've stolen the roll of nylon webbing, now you can't make a harness! Hey, waaaait a minute...

This is made of nylon webbing with some sort of soft plasticy/ruberry thingy underneath (it used to be a yoga mat, if that tells you anything). The straps are adjustable and connected along his back and under his chest, making it impossible to back out of.

OK, how do I get out of this thing!?

I'm not too sure about the "comfortable" criteria, Monster didn't exactly seem to love it - but he certainly didn't hate it any more than anything else he's ever worn...

You want me to model a collar too!? Right, I've had enough!

I made a collar as well, or rather I made that first since it's a great deal easier to figure out than a harness. I've reused metal parts from old, broken gear - unfortunately I only had one D-ring large enough to fit the width of the webbing so for the collar I reused a similar thing from a Rogz collar. Unfortunately that detail is the one thing I really hate on the Rogz collars, since the design creates a lever effect when the dog pulls, causing the fastening to dig into his spine... I need to find more D-rings, but that seems to be difficult if you want some larger sizes?

Haha, I'm free!

Anyway, the harness passed the test unscathed! It held Monster securely, there didn't seem to be any danger of anything giving out and all seams appear intact... How about that!? And if I do say so myself, it doesn't look too bad either! (As long as you don't look too closely...) I'm also very happy with it turning out so soft! There's one metal ring on Monster's chest (to allow the two shoulder straps and the chest strap to meet freely), and a metal D-ring between his shoulder blades to clip the leash onto. On the collar there's just a clippy-onto-thingy. That's it. The rest is fabric (and, you know, that plasticy rubbery thing - but that's really soft). Instead of buckles I've used velcro, and I'm very happy with that choice. I've made the velcro part quite long, and made sure it follows a curve. That way any force will move along the velcro rather than pulling at it, making it quite secure. This harness is just a prototype of course, I can see a lot of things which need to be fixed! But it is actually good enough to be usable right away, and I never would have thought I'd be able to make a usable harness if I had a hundred tries. Not ever.

But please don't tell my sister I broke her sewing machine, OK? Maybe I can fix it...

I knew it.

Finally!

After a year - a year! how could it possibly have been that long? - we've finally met Teach again! Tonight I'm tired but content, despite the session not going as well as I'd (naively) expected. We were working against a staged dog and her owner, and I found myself surprised at how strongly Monster reacted to them. Driving home I realized my expectations had been unreasonable, because I expected Monster to barely react at all. I'd built up an ideal scenario where the progress I've been noticing lately would be many times magnified in the training session. I was making two mistakes: I was relying on an effect from being out of our territory, since dogs usually show more intense reactivity in familiar surroundings, and not considering that Monster is very familiar with the training location too and already has a history of reactivity in this setting; and I wasn't giving any consideration to trigger stacking, not expecting the situation to increase in difficulty the longer Monster was exposed to his triggers. That was ridiculous of me.

Hang on... Are you saying I was a bad dog...?

No! Not at all! Monster did very well! He really did. I simply had unrealistic expectations. The difference from last time (I still just can't believe it's been a whole year!?) is absolutely fantastic, it's truly obvious we've come a very long way indeed. And we would've been lost without Teach (to find him look up top to the left), I can't stress enough to all of you out there struggling with similar issues how incredibly valuable it is to find a good trainer - if Teach is too far away from you

Oh, you poor people...

there's bound to be someone else nearby you can turn to. Just be very careful with finding one you can trust (we've been burned by bad trainers). But as I was saying, the session really did go quite well. While Monster reacted earlier and stronger than I had expected, these reactions were generally short in duration and low in intensity and he calmed back down quickly. There was very little aggression visible at all - none that I could see directed toward the staged dog and her owner (in his reactions to them he was overly excited and certainly unpleasant - think obnoxious drunk guy who wants to impress you - but it didn't appear to me he actually wanted to be frightening), but some directed toward a couple of men passing by just outside the area who pinged Monster's "uh-oh"-radar. He was a bit more easily distracted by his surroundings than I had expected, but again this was still a vast improvement from how he used to be. While yes, I did arrive expecting more than he could actually give, I left feeling very happy and proud. Monster is wonderful, and he did show it - and I may be stupid, but not so stupid I couldn't see that.

That's more like it!

And it was great to see how happy Monster was to see Teach again! I've known trainers who wants and expects the dogs they meet to dislike them (they see it both as a kind of respect, and a tool for the owner to better bond with their dog), and I'm never going back to that again... I actually expected Monster to be excited from when we got out of the car, recognizing the location and knowing we were about to have some fun, but he didn't show much emotion at all until Teach's car pulled into the street. He recognized the car immediately (I wasn't sure even after Teach got out, I can't wear my glasses in reactivity training since they'd just fall off all the time) and started wagging his entire body before it had even stopped. He noticed nothing else happening in the surroundings until he'd finally gotten to meet Teach again (and yes, obnoxiously jump up at him and slobber all over - sorry about that!). Monster really loves Teach - he doesn't quite have the manners to be able to let him know this in an acceptable way, but we're working on that after all - and if I needed another reason to feel like we found a trainer to put our trust in, that would be it.

Yeah... Soon as I'm done with my nap I'm gonna go find him again and see if he wants to play some more!

It was also a lot of fun to see Monster's reaction to the staged dog, an adorably happy and enthusiastic little Staffy lady. He just loved her, and she had such a lovely personality. Monster was quite interested in her, and mostly he looked very happy (interspersed with some frustration attacks). Hopefully I'll be able to one day get him to drop the drunk frat guy persona and teach him to be the nice, confident guy instead...

I can't heeeear you...

Now I think my ramblings for the day are done - I know this post is a little confused and long winded, but I really wanted to tell you that finally, finally we managed to meet with Teach again and Monster and I are both quite happy about it. And I'm really hopeful we'll be able to make some significant progress with his help again, especially since I feel Monster is in a very good place mentally lately. Famous last words and all that, but I'm feeling good about things looking up...

Uh-oh... I'll just hide under here until Fate hits you with that lightning bolt you're asking for...

Broken Leg Is Good For BAT?

Our awesome trainer came through for us and sent us some DVDs to relieve some of the boredom. I now have close to ten hours of BAT information to work through, which is - as I said - awesome. I have something marginally useful to do, and Monster has found some of the scenes very interesting too.

How come all those dogs are small, flat, and don't smell?

I find the DVDs both inspiring and depressing. The inspiring part is probably obvious: basically I want to make that kind of progress too, I want to get out and put it all into practice! So, since you all get that anyway, let's focus on the depressing parts.

Oh, come on, you can't be surprised!

Point the first: the dogs in the videos are ridiculously uncomplicated! Grisha says things like "You may have to start off at a great distance. 75-100 feet even"... That's where we are now - barely - and we started off at about, oh, 750 feet or so... And then there's a cut in the film and text informing us it's ten minutes later, and we see the reactive dog sniffing the trigger! Yeah, that's not happening with Monster. Look, I understand that these dogs are chosen because they illustrate the steps and the progress well, and they're not representing a set pattern or mold you can expect to follow with all dogs, but they're so mellow! I actually find it hard to believe these dogs have any real problems, and certainly not Monster level problems...

What are you talking about!? I haven't got any problems!

Yes, Grisha talks about bite history - Monster's possibly ahead there, as he's only bitten me when redirecting - so I get that there are other dogs out there with serious problems. But I still get depressed watching these super easy dogs (from my perspective) just fly through the exercises while at worst giving a small bark. Alright, there was one dog, illustrating the evaluation part (with a stuffed toy dog), who actually attacked and "killed" the trigger - something I don't think Monster would do - but to me Monster is still coming off as a... well, monster compared to these super friendly and calm dogs.

Point the second: God I've lost time! This is not a new realization, I know I'm far, faaaaaaaar behind the intended schedule. First there were the months up north last summer and fall, where there was very little to train against (not exactly a densely populated area) and what few triggers we came across were generally extremely ill suited for the purpose since there is quite a large disagreement between how I think Monster should be treated and trained (carefully, in controlled settings) and how people up there think Monster should be treated ("give him a whack", basically). Then, when I finally got back home, I was getting weaker and weaker. Turns out I had severe vitamin D deficiency, but before that was diagnosed and I started a treatment it was so bad I literally got lost on walks, couldn't remember if we'd even gone for walks or not, and I was so physically weak I had to crawl up the stairs and lie down once I got upstairs. In other words I had neither the mental capacity to plan and execute training, nor the physical capacity to control Monster's behavior if necessary. And once that was getting better I broke my leg! What the hell is going on, quite frankly!? Did I upset some deity? Does someone have a voodoo doll of me? Honestly, what is going on with my life?!

Hey, it's not just your life getting messed up!

Which leads us back to the inspirational part of it all. As I was taking a break from the DVDs and took Monster outside for a quick pee, I couldn't stand it any more. I decided to try some BAT training then and there - if I could only find some triggers. Right then, a neighbor's dog started barking. We trained against that (the dog was behind the neighbor's house, not visible to us). I spotted some neighbors down the street changing the tires of their car. We trained against that (they didn't seem to notice us, and Monster wasn't very interested at the distance we were from them). A cat crossed the road a couple of houses down. We trained against that. I remembered that a neighbor's dog has been charging the fence at us quite a lot lately, and winding Monster up a bit more every time. We trained against that (the dog wasn't there, just the empty fence). And this is where I tie it back to this post's title: It's difficult for me to handle any rough behavior from Monster right now, with a broken leg I don't have the agility or strength required to control him if he goes nuts - at least not without injuring myself further. What this meant was that I was actually cautious! I always try to push things just a bit more than I should. I'm aware of it, and I try to control it, but it still happens. Turns out a broken leg is a very good reminder! Every step I take reminds me to be careful, pay attention, and not push it. Excellent! Unfortunately there really are some serious drawbacks too, like how I can't pick up the pace to make a retreat quicker than an approach. And quite noticeably, when the neighbor's dog came rushing the fence after all, my ability to adjust to changing circumstances really kind of suck...

Where'd that come from!?!

But Monster totally surprised me! He did lunge, but somehow slowed down through the entire lunge so when he landed it looked like he was moving in slow motion. Then he stared at the raging dog behind the fence for a second or two, and then he veeeeery deliberately looked away to the side - almost back over his shoulder - and gave a huge yawn! My awesome little guy! (So of course this success meant I had to keep pushing it - apparently surviving the first lunge had gone to my head and the broken leg had become irrelevant - and I did two more approaches to the fence-mad dog... Fortunately I came to my senses and realized I was setting up for failure rather than success - as usual - and hopped back home again. No disaster, but not thanks to me.)

So, not exactly a very good training walk... But, I have to be honest, it felt good! And it was fun!

I thought so too! Can we go again?!

Right now I'm wavering. Should I try more even though I'm hobbling around on a broken leg (or even because I'm on a broken leg)? Or should I be more careful so I don't end up in a situation I can't control? Oh, who am I kidding, it's not as if I'm ruled by anything other than impulses anyway...

Today's Sunshine

Monster and I have been training with Teach again today. I won't claim any amazing progress, but I will say things are getting better nonetheless.

What're you talking about, I'm always awesome!?

Once again we were training against a staged person (as opposed to a dog), this time a repeat from last time. Monster was interested, perhaps even excited to see (and smell) her, but still managed to be quite difficult around her. He was both cautious and suspicious, sneaking around and eyeballing her, trying to distract me from the training by doing other things, and frustrated he didn't get to greet her properly and play with her, which took the expression of him going for the provoking bark ("Come on, interact with me!") as well as pulling my arm out of its socket (well, alright, nearly) to get to her, and refusing to step away from her once he got close enough to touch. All in all I'd say no one watching who didn't know Monster's history would believe today was anything other than a long display of bad and discouraging behavior.

Oh really? I want to have a word with those people...

But, Teach pointed out something important. While Monster is still scanning the surroundings for various (non-)threats, eyeballing everything from a plastic bag blowing past to a man talking on his cell phone as he walks by, as well as lunging for the annoying seagulls (my fault, I drop half of Monster's treats on the ground - coordination and fine motor skills not being one of my gifts) and attacking me and the leash regularly (playfully... well, sort of), this is nothing compared to how it used to be. I don't know how many dogs passed by today, but it was quite a few - Monster was basically fine with them (as long as the situation was managed with increased distance and treats). A group of children walking by began hissing and grimacing at Monster (I assume it was some kind of dare), and all Monster did was bounce a little and look at them, while continuing to walk with me. Cars, bikes, baby carriages, motor bikes, men, women, children, dogs, all of it was processed and for the most part ignored by Monster. While training went well enough today, that little detail really tipped it over into much needed awesomeness today.

Woohoo, no more sulking!

Then there was that damned cat of course...

Today's Sunshine

Monster and I had a great time in training today! Monster was in a great mood, attentive and interested, albeit a bit bouncy and bitey - in a playful way with the leash (oh alright, also with my fingers). Yet another new stranger to first BAT against and then go up and sniff. This time we even did formal greetings, where he was asked to walk up to her and stick his nose in her cupped hands and then return to me for reward and praise.

Fun, a new person to slobber on!

It all went great, and time just flew by. Sure, occasionally Monster became overexcited or frustrated and started bouncing and barking, and he did do some of his lovely piranha attacks where he jumps straight up from nowhere, but he never connected (although he did slam into a plastic chair making a sound which uncomfortably reminded me of a crushed skull, nearly stopping my heart), and he clearly meant to be playful rather than aggressive.

I have to say I'm impressed with this stranger too, who more or less laughed at me when I was concerned Monster had scared her (or hurt her) by jumping at her face. I'm so used to people hating or fearing Monster that her attitude completely threw me. I know he isn't even trying to connect, but I understand it looks quite different when he's flying towards you - and you don't even know him other than as a dog who is in special training for aggression issues. Nerves of steel...

And I really wish everyone could find a trainer to help them like Teach helps me and Monster! The progress we've made in the past months is really amazing, and Teach never runs out of new things to try. We've been very lucky to meet him!

Plus he's fun! And he gives me treats, and I can still get him to flinch sometimes! Best toy ever!

Of course all Monster's inappropriate behaviors need to be worked on, I can't have a hundred pound dog who greets people by jumping up and head butting them in the face. I know today wasn't perfect. But it was a lot of fun, and an amazing success. I much prefer having an overeager bulldozer rather than an aggressive ball of suspicion.

Who are you calling bulldozer!?!

The only time he showed any suspicion was when she put her hoodie up, which made him tense up and react. But he recovered beautifully and held no grudges after that.

Today was such a fun day!

Today's Sunshine

We had a new training session with Teach this afternoon. It's been two weeks since last time, and while I'd love to claim Monster and I had made great progress in that time that is of course not true. We did make great progress in the session, though!

I'm sorry, are you implying this is a surprise somehow?

When we got there Monster was still pretty agitated, very focused on the happenings in the surrounding neighborhood, staring and on his toes. He lunged at Teach's face a couple of times (not trying to connect, just making a point), he bit me (not hard, again just making a point) which really surprised me, and was generally very difficult and backslidery. In spite of that we quickly worked our way up close to a staged person. Once there, Monster was allowed to sniff. Then he was allowed to interact, first taking treats she threw on the ground, then calmly eating straight from her hand!

Give me that turkey, human!

I have to hand it to her, she was great at being a Monster guinea pig! She was very careful to not look Monster in the eyes, consistently turning away while at the same time feeding him treats (I'm always impressed with people who can multitask and coordinate their movements, two things I fail at completely). When the treats ran out Monster would try to seek eye contact with her (amazing!), stepping around and trying to find an angle where she'd look at him, but she resisted him (also amazing, resisting Monster is another thing I suck at!).

Why wouldn't she look at me, I'm the cutest thing in the world!?

We did this approach multiple times, Monster walking toward her calmly, accepting treats from her calmly (well, there were some attempts to get to know her better, but nothing unmanageable and nothing aggressive), and then letting Monster choose to walk away from her when she stopped interacting with him. I'm not sure how long we were at it, or how many greetings we did, but not once did Monster act up. (Teach made sure to stay at least partially between Monster and... Guinea Girl at all times, just in case.)

Next time I'm getting a kiss!

She wound up quite slobbery toward the end, but I suppose that's how it goes for Guinea Girl... (She should have her own superhero comic, I can't believe there isn't already a Guinea Girl out there! ... Don't tell me if there is one...)

In the end, it was a pretty awesome and successful day. I really needed that, I've been feeling a little down lately about our chances. I think poor Teach may have thought I was a bit pessimistic and dour today, but I just had problems processing what had happened. It really went great!

Of course it did, silly. Thanks to me!

Today's Cloud

While the session today was very interesting (and I'm getting homework, which I love since it helps me structure our training better), toward the end it didn't go so well. For the first time in a very long time (once again I have no real idea how long it's been since this was an issue, sorry), Monster began aggressing vocally toward the trigger. He reared up, and growled and barked toward the staged person. When I pulled him away he turned on me and bit the treat pouch. It... wasn't great.

Oh, please! You people just can't take a joke!

I'm not sure if he really was showing aggression or if he was just very frustrated, though. He let it go as soon as he got away, which he could never do before. He didn't seem stressed. And the biting seemed more playful than anything, both in his choice of target ("This is mine, give it!"), and in that he sought eye contact with me as he bit. Plus, you know, nothing broke. If he really wanted to bite me, he would, and if he really wanted to take the treat pouch he'd just tear it off. He's got the physical power to do as he pleases.

Oh, you better believe it...

And not only that, but it didn't seem like the old warnings and marking of - for him - unacceptable behavior either. At worst, I'd say it was a challenge, and a rather playful one at that. But as for what he was directing toward the trigger, I'm not as sure...

So, while today's training session really was mostly positive, I will say that I'm a little disappointed by this behavior toward the end. Not only disappointed, but also confused. Which isn't great, but on the other hand it's a new challenge! It's all a matter of perspective.

Today's Sunshine

Just got back from a training session with Teach, so I'm going to try to use up whatever mustered up energy I have left to get some posts up. If something just dies out in the middle of a sentence, I've fallen asleep on the keyboard...
(Didn't realize how tired I was before I got in the car to drive home again, and nearly fell asleep at the wheel waiting out a red light. Not an ideal spot for a nap.)

You're way too picky - every spot is a great spot for a nap!

Today's session was a lot of fun! No dog today, just a person - which for Monster may actually have been worse, I'm not sure... I had trouble reading some of his reactions, to be honest. But for the most part things went very well, he rarely fixated (actually it was difficult to get him to care about the staged person at all at first), he responded well to walking away, and at least initially even his reactions and lunges were playful. Not so all the way through (I think), but this is the Sunshine post after all.

Which leads me to: Teach helped me realize something today. It's actually a pretty big deal, and I can't explain how I've completely missed it so far. When we first started our training sessions with Teach, Monster would bite me - not very hard, but a clear warning - if I put my hand near his face once he'd locked on to a trigger ( = gotten far too close, to the point that an attack was imminent). It was impossible to feed him treats at that point, which I had to warn Teach about when he was about to try it. As he brought up that memory today I realized I have no idea how long ago it's been since that was last an issue. These days, if Monster gets completely fixated on a trigger I don't even think about a risk of him biting me if I try to get his attention physically. That's... wow. What a difference!

Bite you? What are you talking about? If I'd wanted to bite you, you'd have one less hand. Just so you know.

It may not sound like much, and the fact that I hadn't even noticed it may make it sound like even less of a big deal, but I think this may be one of the brightest Sunshines I've ever posted here. It's a big deal, people.

Lazy Blogsmanship (Again)

Yes, I've been neglecting the blog again. I've fallen off the coffee wagon, blaming it on things like "I need it, because in pollen season I get sooooo sleepy" and "Well, my brother drinks two cups of coffee every two hours, it's impolite to not join him"...

These things are true, coffee helps against the allergic perma-doze and my brother drinks copious amounts. But while I love coffee, my body simply can't tolerate it. In spite of not drinking any later than 9 am (for the later coffee breaks I'd just have sympathy tea - red or green, no caffeine - while Roar drank a whole coffee plantation's worth), I cannot sleep. I go to bed around 2 am, toss and turn, and give up around 6. I'm now so sleep deprived I'm literally dizzy.

My brain is already parked in neutral with all the infernal pollen flying around, I don't need to deliberately add to my cognitive difficulties! No more coffee since yesterday (when my brother left for home) and by this evening I'm actually sleepy, not just tired. Unfortunately I'm also in caffeine withdrawal and have a splitting headache... Still, I'm planning on getting to bed within the hour and sleeping until at least 7 tomorrow morning.

Aren't you forgetting something? Or someone?

So what does this have to do with Monster, the real reason we're all here? My mental and physical state affects him too, of course, and I've been more or less neglecting him lately. I find going on walks difficult (I can't breathe with all the pollen), when we do get out I'm confused and distracted, more or less just a lump of tired barely hanging on to one end of the leash. No fun for Monster, and actually potentially hazardous as I'm not attentive enough to spot trouble before it's already too late. Training is a joke, I miss the reward moments, I forget what we're even doing, and I give up for just about anything. In short, I suck.

Time to change that! I can't stop breathing pollen, but I can stop drinking coffee. I think.

Imagine having to live with this...

I'm rambling, aren't I? So tired. I'll do better tomorrow. Remind me to tell you about yesterday's meeting with Teach, Monster got to meet a very scary stuffed toy dog. Should have brought my camera...

Today's Sunshine

Monster and I met Teach again this afternoon. Overall, I'd say it... didn't go that well. I had trouble finding the correct moment to praise and turn, Monster was all over the place mentally, and we didn't get as close to the staged dog as we've been able to get in earlier sessions.

What do you mean, "all over the place"?

So why is this posted as Sunshine?

Because Monster had fun. Some days, that's important to remember. I may not be seeing amazing progress. Monster may spend more time jumping to headbutt me (or Teach) and chewing on the leash than he does walking nicely towards and away from the dog. He may even freak out and lunge toward the dog when he does bother looking at it. But through it all, even the lunging, he was happy. Sure, he was Monster-happy, which usually means there's a bruise or twelve in the future for me, but I don't need to have an easy dog as long as I can have a happy one.

DONE!!!

But... maybe next time he can be a little bit easier too? Just a little...