Monday, December 17, 2012

Monster Has A Bad Day

I have a headache. Monster gets bored because I sit and sulk.

I haven't slept. Monster gets away with things he normally wouldn't, because I'm too woozy to react.

The house is a mess and I don't have the energy to do anything about it. Monster hates the mess too, and gets upset about things not being in their right place.

Christmas shopping isn't done yet. No presents for Monster either.

Going for walks is an absolute pain, as the sudden thaw has covered all roads in slick ice - even wearing ice cleats doesn't help. Nor do his claws help Monster.

There's been a death in the family. Monster doesn't know, though. So I guess that's something, at least.


Merry Christmas, and so on.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Monster Turkey

Yesterday I cooked a 14 pound turkey I'd bought a while back. It's been lying in the freezer looking at me every time I opened it, but I've managed to ignore it for a while. I bought the giant thing for Monster on a whim, when it was on sale, but I've been putting off cooking it... For one thing, it's gross! Seriously, dog food and treats are bad enough, but putting a giant corpse in the oven to steam and stink all over the house is just, well, yeah, gross. When I win the lottery (relax Mom, it's just a figure of speech, I don't gamble!), I'm getting a house with two kitchens. One for human (vegetarian) food, and one for dog food. But until that day, I have to accept that we only have the one oven, so I'm either going to have to share or I can't make special treats for Monster... Sharing it is, then.

That's right!

I grew up on a farm. My parents actually used to raise and sell turkeys once, but by the time I came along they'd moved on to sheep. And in all the years in my mother's house I never tasted turkey. No turkey came into our kitchen, ever. I'm not sure what those birds did to her to piss her off, but I'm thinking it must have been pretty bad... Although, now that I think about it, once we moved on to raising cattle instead of sheep (when I was around 6-7 years old I think), we never ate mutton again. And believe me, we ate a lot before then. Did the sheep piss Mom off too, and that's why one day they were out of the picture...? No idea. Although I do remember a rather vicious ram. Maybe he made a mistake he would soon regret? Anyway, what I'm getting at is I have zero experience in cooking turkey. Did you know it takes a whole day!? Did you know how they smell!? Did you know the damn thing is impossible to turn over inside the oven!?

Do. Not. Care. So worth it!

And do you know how long it takes to take it apart, cut it up into small treat sized pieces, packaging it, and freezing it? I went to bed at two in the morning! Which was when the real fun started... I have a special sheet pan for Monster cooking, and once I've used it he gets to clean it. So as I went to bed I put the (gross) pan down for Monster. I've cooked dog treats on it before, but turkey juice (combined with the long cooking time, I suspect) seems to be a very special kind of mess. I don't know when Monster came to bed, but I woke up around four in the morning and I could still hear him licking that pan downstairs... Which means, this has been Monster all day today:


I may have to throw the sheet pan away though. It's still full of turkey remains, and if hours and hours of Monster working on it can't get it out I'm not confident it can be cleaned. Still, very content Monster. I may just buy another turkey in the future...

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Pure Nonsense

To further reveal my obsession with Korean TV, I will now share with you a wonderful discovery: Dramabeans has recaps of Kim Sam Soon, written last year! This is a luxury which will be taken advantage of - time to dig up a classic, and rewatch Kim Sam Soon!

Today's Cloud

Monster is having real problems with the cold. I don't know why this cold spell is so difficult for him, but he's really not dealing with it well. Going for walks is a real problem, since after about 5-10 minutes his paws start to cramp up from the cold. Unfortunately he needs at least a 30 minute walk before he can even begin to start thinking about doing his business... Meaning I've got a frozen dog, frantic from the lack of exercise, with a serious blockage going on. Yesterday he first stopped walking on his rear left leg, and soon stopped and lifted his front left leg off the ground too (it looked hilarious, although I realize I'm headed for hell for laughing at him when he was suffering real physical discomfort - still, I wish I'd had a camera with me). He stood like that for a little while (I didn't even know he could do that!), and then he tried to walk. Needless to say, he fell over. Poor guy.

I don't recall giving you permission to tell this story...?

I meant to go get him some shoes. But it turns out Tin Can doesn't appreciate the cold either, and won't start. I tried putting some of my own socks on Monster, but a) he won't walk with them on, and b) when I force him to walk anyway the socks fall off... Fortunately the cold is set to break tomorrow. Hopefully I can persuade Tin Can to start, so I can make some preparations for the rest of this winter...

Today's Sunshine

I may be a bit rusty? Or I simply can't think of anything because nothing good happened today? That seems unlikely, though: nothing good happened? How bad would a day need to be for that to be true?

Dunno... Bad?

Let's see... I was woken up repeatedly last night, because Monster was asking to be let under the bed covers with me - it may not be good, strictly speaking, but it's kind of charming, right? See, my house isn't what you'd call well insulated. In fact, during this cold spell there have been icicles forming around the front door... And my bedroom window isn't one of those fancy models which actually, you know, close. So, in a way, it may be fair to say it gets slightly chilly in here at times.

Chilly. Freezing cold. It's all nuances, right?

So Monster wants to sleep not only in my bed (seriously, why did I spend money on a bed just for him, he wants to sleep crowded), but now also under the covers. Which is fine by me, I know it's cold, I'm not unreasonable. But, I practically run a fever when I sleep. Meaning, after about half an hour, Monster needs a bit of fresh air to cool off, and some water. But soon he's cold again, and wants back under the covers. And so goes our nights. It may not be what you'd really call "good news". But you'll have to settle for "charming" while I warm back up to blogging. (Or, if you're my mother, you'll have to settle for "revolting"...)

I wish it was summer again. No one kicks me when I sleep on the couch...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Monster Vs. The Stick

Hello. It's cold outside.

No freaking kidding...

Honestly it's not too warm indoors either.

Hey, at least there aren't icicles in my eyebrows in the house!

I usually mock the southern winters, but this time I'm keeping my mouth shut. Not that it's really all that cold, or all that much snow... But a little honestly goes a long way down here! Monster, who looooooves snow, is getting over the initial excitement too. This morning out on a walk he actually started showing discomfort at the cold, trying to walk on three legs and being unable to stand still. Time to find some winter clothes for him too...

While I do that, you can watch this video from back before the cold came. Impulse control training with Monster:

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Miracle Cure For Grumpiness

I've been feeling kind of down lately, which you may have suspected since I've shown a pattern of completely abandoning the blog when I'm at my most whiny. What can I say, I'm pathetic, etc...

But, I'm now getting back on track! And I thought I'd kick off by sharing my newly discovered Cure For The Grumpies: if you're feeling down, watch 불량가족 (Bad Family)! If you can get past the first (dull) episode, there's no way you can hang on to a foul mood. I certainly couldn't! I even cleaned the bathroom drain today, which is my own personal mood barometer.

Oh, Monster? Yeah, he's fine too... He may be a little annoyed that I've tried changing some of his cues to Korean, but overall my sudden perkiness is paying off for him too - he wasn't getting as ignored as the drain, but he was surely feeling the cloud of grump all the same.

(Yes, I'm aware this is complete nonsense. No, I'm not drunk. I might be insane, but if so I probably wouldn't know it anyway, right?)