Wow... Long Time No See, Right?

So, let's get the excuses out of the way first, OK? (I've tried not writing any excuses at all, but clearly I'm a weak, broken person...) I don't get it, I really don't! Is there something sort of like a "localized depression"? Where everything else is working normally, but when you go near a specific part of your life everything falls apart? Because whenever I sit down by the computer I feel awful! I get anxious and uncomfortable, none of the things I usually like to do online have any appeal whatsoever, the blog is a burden and logging on to a forum is physically impossible. Before starting this post I paid a bill that was three weeks late, because I haven't managed to log onto my bank for ages! I mean, what is this!? But clearly it's not something I can "rest myself out of", since absence has not made the heart any fonder. So, let's try the "power through" approach instead. Or at least, let's try to try...
(To be clear, I'm not equating whatever lazybones block I've stumbled into with a real depression! I know depression is a real and very serious illness, and I'm not trying to cheapen that - I'm just trying to explain a weird thing with a likeness, OK?)

She really is being super weird - she won't even chase me around with a camera any more!

It also doesn't help that my computer appears to be singing its last few verses... After replacing the hard drives (managing to save at least some data from the broken ones, thank the computer gods!) I believe there is also a problem with the mother board. I hate changing mb's! I'm not doing it, you hear me!? Stop messing about, and just shape up! Not only that, but I suspect there is a problem with the wiring in the house, which most likely isn't making the computer feel too great (and likely why a bunch of hardware started failing at once?) - not that I feel good about it either. These suspicions were strengthened by six days with no power in two thirds of the house... But I can not afford to completely rewire the house. And I do not do electrics! (My father worked in high voltage lines before I was born and for a while in my childhood. Presumably because of this(?) he has zero respect for electricity, and thanks to naked wires and wall sockets without coverings all over the house I was electrocuted three(!) times growing up. It's very painful, scary, and potentially fatal, and I don't even go near the fuse box these days without first throwing the switch to the entire house. Not going near a frayed wire, and if something goes "pop" I run for the hills. Thanks dad.) Fortunately, my sister (who largely inherited our father's personality - and who was older in our dangerous household and therefore only got electrocuted once) happily dabbles (she has some education in the area, so she is qualified) a bit, and managed to help patch up the worst. I now have power back (and according to her the house won't burn down, nor will I get electrocuted trying to make a cup of coffee... we'll see), but the basic condition of the wiring in the house is still just short of disastrous. Anyone know a good electrician who'll work for a cinnamon roll?
(Yes, I know "electrocuted" usually means dying from electric shock. But you try being five years old and closing a circuit in a wall socket between your left and right hands, and then tell me I'm exaggerating...)

I'm not coming out of here until you get me rubber booties!

In other words, even if I manage to overcome my weird (and admittedly ridiculous) mental block about being on the computer, I may still disappear from the blog suddenly. Because while the state of the wiring isn't dangerous to us living in the house, it doesn't appear to sit well with the computer (and a couple of other things - anyone want a stand mixer for a paper weight?) - and unless Santa thinks I've been a very good girl (hah!) there won't be a new computer appearing any time soon. Besides, it'd probably start failing too, right?

There, that was a quick bit of explaining, right? No? Nah, you're just whiny. But OK, let's move on to Monster then.

About time! I am the star, you know!

Things are improving, I feel. I wouldn't say we're without issues (heh, what a thought - what would I spend my time worrying about then!?), but I do feel they're a lot smaller. Let's see... On a good day, Monster doesn't react to bikes passing us (but bikes meeting us, where he has time to watch them approach and build up tension, will still get a halfhearted lunge or so), will pass meeting people and dogs without reacting even on the narrow bike path provided we can walk parallel to the road (about a leash length away seems to do the trick) so we're very clearly not meeting (although of course we still are, sort of). He has close to no issues with cars, trucks, motorcycles etc any more. He's so relaxed on the road now I don't always bother to call him to heel when a vehicle drives past, instead just letting him wander on a lose leash. The only thing which still bothers him about cars (and admittedly it bothers him quite a lot!) is when someone stops their car to talk to me. Something about this scenario drives him completely around the bend, and it makes no difference if he knows the person in the car. In fact I was talking to a neighbor for a while a couple of days back, and Monster was content to sit and watch the world go by as we chatted, but two minutes after we'd parted the same neighbor drove past and stopped to add something he'd forgotten, and Monster just went nuts... Clearly something we need to work more on, although it's not a very frequent occurrence. But anyway, while cars and other vehicles were never a very big part of the problem, I feel that Monster now being (mostly) just fine around them is indicative of his general improvement, not just around cars.

"Improvement"!? Are you saying there's something wrong with me?!

I also think that we've gotten over a sort of hump in the training, causing a positive spiral for once! Since Monster is easier to handle, (usually) isn't horrifyingly threatening to innocent passers by (as long as I'm paying attention and manage the situation so he doesn't go over threshold), is fairly happy to pay attention to me when we're out walking and likes to do some sudden, random training games (rather than spending all his time and attention on scanning the surroundings for "threats"), and (quite important!) doesn't seem to build much stress even when something does go wrong - where before a walk would be a lost cause as soon as he'd gone over threshold once, since his threshold would then be lowered to an unmanageable level - (this sentence has run completely wild, let's try to reel it in!) we can now be more active. We can go for longer walks, in more challenging environments, meaning he both gets more exercise and exposure to the world happening around him. And every time something happens around him and he doesn't react, he becomes a tiny bit more stable. I think. As a rule now we go for a ~2 hr walk every weekday which leads us past/through a train station. It's not a very busy one, and I make sure to keep to the outskirts (I don't want to get "trapped" with triggers approaching from several directions at once), but being able to it at all builds confidence for me and positive associations for Monster.

It's quite loud when the trains go past, though...

I've also started to let Monster off leash for parts of our walks! Only on weekdays (when people are more predictable in their activities, and there are quite simply fewer joggers, bikers, families out walking, etc), and only in areas with good, unobstructed views. Which means two sets of about 20-25 minutes each (at most: if someone else turns up Monster is recalled and leashed, naturally), which maybe isn't super duper awesome great compared to the freedom of some other dogs, but it's a heck of a lot more than Monster's been getting before (except when we've been to my family home of course, where he gets hours and hours off leash every day). I'm tense like you wouldn't believe while he's off leash, scanning the surroundings constantly, checking behind us for fast approachers, making sure Monster doesn't fixate on something (like a sound or smell I can't pick up), and if we'd ever had a failed recall or if he'd acted on true aggression (as opposed to a lot of blustering to cover up his secret scaredycat self) I'd never let him off leash in the quite densely populated (by my standards) area we live in. In fact, if he didn't himself take the initiative to check in, invite to play or training, keep himself close to me, and come racing back with a big grin every time I recall him, he would be leashed at all times. I think I'm doing the right thing... I can decisively say I have better control over Monster than many others do over their off leash dogs - but theirs' aren't Monster size. Or have Monster's (amazingly gorgeous) looks. Nor do they have Monster's reactivity. Well, some of them do, but I don't really care to compare myself with people who let their dogs run completely wild, shouting "he just wants to play!" when their little... adorable thing comes running up bouncing and snarling, circling around us and lunging. That's not "playing", people! Oh well. Right now my decision is that I have sufficient control over Monster off leash, as long as I make sure to monitor the surroundings and revoke the privilege in situations that become too difficult for him, to let him run free in carefully selected areas. It's giving me an ulcer and a constant tension back pain - because I do take his issues seriously and very much don't want to see an escalation; nor do I want to cause fright to anyone else - but he's so happy, and I have a huge grin on my face for almost all our walks now. I think it's good for him, and unless I have a reason to I'm not stopping! But I expect the length of text explaining and justifying this choice does reveal to you that it's not a very easy decision for me, and I'm aware that it's not completely without risks. The things is, nothing is without risk. Any dog can do something unexpected, at any time. No matter how impressive your dog's obedience is, you can never predict the kids throwing firecrackers at him, or the day his unknown brain tumor presented suddenly... All you can really say is "In this situation, with these conditions, I have reason [backed up by experience, preferably] to expect to have control over my off leash dog". "This situation" and "these condition" may vary from dog/owner to dog/owner, but I guess my position is that as long as you've evaluated what these mean for you and you make sure to stick to them, you're responsible enough.

... Right?

Absolutely.

Lately Monster's also been having a friend over to stay with us a lot! A dog owning neighbor's met a girl, said girl also has a dog. And my neighbor's dog, upon meeting her new would-be step brother, said "Let me just fix that pest problem for you!"... Since there's about a 5:1 size difference the situation is quite serious, and Tilly has a history of not really... appreciating many other dogs. She attacked Monster a couple of times when he was younger, and we're not talking about a telling off, we're talking about intent to injure. These days though, she's quite OK around Monster - provided I'm careful with food and treats, and some toys, since she has some resource guarding issues as well - so we've been her relief home when the couple are getting together. Monster enjoys the company, and after the first few times (when he was quite anxious and relieving nervous energy in less than constructive ways - it's not a good idea to make yourself more annoying if you want to ingratiate yourself, Monster! - and she was quite annoyed at his relentless activity and attention) they've settled in to the situation quite well. They play a lot, and Monster has learned to take it down a few notches since she's older and a bit stiff, and doesn't appreciate overly physical play (Monster is a tackler and wrestler if he gets things his way). There have been a couple of "arguments", for instance when I was being a bit scatterbrained and put down a bag of food next to them in a narrow hallway, but they're just "words" and no one holds any grudges. The only negative aspect I see is that it appears to be teaching Monster to develop a bit of resource guarding as well, he is now quite tense at feeding time as well (they're fed in separate rooms of course, but he is clearly aware of her), which is a bit unfortunate but not something I see as a huge issue - certainly not while it's not directed at me, which it isn't. I think Monster having regular company of another dog is good for him in the long run, even if the dog has a few issues of her own (but show me a 100% perfect dog - or any living thing). There is one thing which I consider to be a major issue though, and that's Monster's susceptibility to follow the lead of other dogs, coupled with his inherently different nature. Misunderstandings ensue... I've noticed (and been troubled by) this issue before, in relation to dogs back home. Monster is a guard type dog. There is a huge difference between that and the far more common watch dog type breeds, but explaining this to others (mainly the watch dog owners, naturally) has proved to be quite difficult. Tilly is a German Shepherd, which I think most people consider to be a guard dog type but I don't quite agree. I'd say it's rather a breed walking the thin edge, with big differences between individuals, and most dogs these day landing in the "watch dog" camp (but I'd say with a smaller radius than most watch dog types) as the needs and desires of dog owners change. Tilly is certainly of the watch dog type. The difference lies mainly in two things: when and how they react to approaching "threats". This summer when I was back home I had lots of opportunities to observe this. We were staying in a village of about 12-15 households, all of them with dogs. Most of these dogs are hunting dogs (many spitzes, basically the epitome of watch dog types), and many are kept outdoors for most of the day. All are either watch dog types or neither watchers or guarders, none are guarders like Monster. What happens in a village like this is that the dogs develop a sort of grapevine, where they will bark and howl at people moving through the village not only to warn the intruder away/warn their family of the intruder (which is the purpose of watch dogs) but also tell each other that something's happening over here, so keep alert and you'll soon spot it too. Growing up in a setting like this I've learned to understand a bit of this communication as well - I'm not claiming that dogs can speak, but I do maintain that you can understand rudimentary information from different barks and sounds. Like whether the "intruder" is a surprise or a regular occurrence (like the mailman's car), or someone known or a stranger (they will bark at everyone, it's not an expression of aggression), or if it's a horrible, horrible enemy (basically: the ice cream truck). (Although actually, Monster's arrival in the village prompted just such an "Enemy! Enemy! Enemy!" response from some of the dogs, to the point of waking up my brother at 4.30 in the morning - and promptly realizing that we must have arrived. So it's not just me claiming to understand what they're "saying".) (And by the way, check out the studies performed by The Family Dog project, many of them are fascinating, and at least one of them backs me up on people understanding some verbal communication from dogs. So there.) Sitting outside on the lawn one day this summer, I took the opportunity to really observe Monster's place in this system. He doesn't have one. Which isn't a surprise if you understand the basic types of dog and their respective behavior, but I find it interesting all the same. Monster doesn't "bond" with dogs that aren't part of "us". The neighbor dogs barking is barely interesting to him, unless they're really angry about something and he misunderstands and believes it's directed at him. The other dogs bark "I see something", "This is what I see", "Alright, it's passing me now", "I hear you've seen something", "Apparently something's happening over on the other side of the village", etc. They react and communicate about things they can see (or hear), and whether or not those things are actually approaching them or their territory isn't overly relevant. They see something within their radius of "I can see this far", and that's enough to react. Which is as it should be, sounding the alarm early means more time to prepare properly after all. Because watch dog types aren't supposed to do anything about what they're seeing. Their job is to warn, and then someone else can deal with it. That day on the lawn, the neighboring dogs would react as soon as they saw something far away (and tell each other about it). Monster would just watch. Someone walking a couple of hundred meters away would earn an occasional glance ("just checking you haven't started to do something bad"). Someone far away but moving toward us would earn a little more attention, maybe Monster would sit up (making himself a bit more prepared in case action needed to be taken) but provided they didn't get too close they still weren't a problem. People walking past on the road just outside the house could be an issue, depending on which side of the road they were walking on - one side was "too close" and Monster would stand up, clearly making himself visible to the "intruder", and anyone stopping to talk or pay attention to us or our territory would get confronted (Monster was on a line, so all he could do was bark and growl). Unfortunately I brought him with me to take out the trash once, and that made the bins across the road also "our territory" from then on, making him react whenever anyone got too close to them as well. But that's the point I'm getting at: Monster's radius of action is much, much smaller than your typical watch dog's. And the action taken is quite different: a watch dog will talk about it, a guard dog will act on it. Monster is a guard dog, but a problem I come across often is people expecting him to act like a watch dog - because that's what people are most used to they consider that the norm. That's not fair, there's nothing wrong with Monster because he doesn't react like a completely different type of dog! His behavior is perfectly natural, and while I certainly have no intention of denying that we do have some quite severe issues I get a bit annoyed when people expect things of him just because they're to lazy or self centered to grasp that different things can be perfectly normal for different dogs.

T: Is she going anywhere with this?    M: She's lost again, but she usually figures it out about here...

Right. So. That's one situation where the difference in type is clearly shown. But, what happens when you have a watch and guard type together, with the guarder accepting the watcher as one of "us"? Well, then the communication becomes quite important! The watcher sounds the alarm, and the guarder does something about it... Monster is subdominant and socially insecure. Pair him with a watch type dog, and he'll likely do something stupid - a watch dog will bark at anyone approaching, including friends! Monster, who doesn't understand levels of warning, will react far too strongly. Monster alone will approach visitors, and his adrenaline level will cause him to act in some very unfortunate/inappropriate ways, with jumping, bumping the legs, snapping at clothes, etc. He doesn't quite know how to react, what to do with himself, and he tries to do everything at once. It's my job to (try to) control him and give him direction, as well as make sure that he doesn't have to deal with people who will escalate the situation. Or simply separate him from the situation. I won't claim this is working flawlessly, but there haven't been any disasters and we're working on it. But. With a watch dog present, Monster gets immediate and simple direction. What he hears is "Intruder alert! Deal with it!"... In other words, I consider Monster to be potentially dangerous when paired with a watch dog. This is a huge problem when I'm for instance visiting my parents, who have a watch dog as well as a steady stream of visitors through the day. No matter how I try to explain that Monster can't handle Dory greeting visitors by running up and barking at them, this is making him dangerous, they don't want to understand it. Separating the dogs and letting them greet separately is considered ridiculous, not letting Dory out when I have Monster off leash in the yard works for about 30 seconds, and so on. This has led to me no longer staying with them when we go up for a visit, instead staying by ourselves in my brother's guest house, and I've made it clear that I won't be visiting at all unless we can make this arrangement. They think I'm being ridiculous and overreacting, and whenever we've gotten oh-so-very-close to a very serious incident with Monster and Dory vs. a visitor they just brush it off with a "huh, that's weird, why'd he do that" and refuse to learn from one time to the next that this isn't weird, it's perfectly expected and explainable! Aarrgh... OK, sorry about that, rant over. Reeling it back in again: Tilly is a watch dog type. She'll bark at people moving around the village, she'll rush barking toward the fence when someone's walking by, and she'll even greet her owner with hysterical barking when he comes to pick her up. Monster accepts her as one of "us" now. Which means that with Tilly in the house I consider Monster potentially dangerous to visitors. I have a strict no visitors policy when she's here (not that I'm a social butterfly otherwise...), and I'm uneasy about her behavior to charge the fence since it resembles far too much an actual attack and let's face it, if Monster ever wanted to he'd charge straight through that fence... I try to look on the bright side and use her behavior as a chance to train alternative behaviors for Monster in these situations, and I suppose that's going OK. Monster will now generally run along with her for just a few steps, before throwing a glance to me and fairly reliably choosing to seek me out instead for a game of tug, even while Tilly's still going nuts by the fence. So that's good I guess. I just remain uneasy about the whole thing, I suppose I think of her as a bad influence!

Yeah! Cause I'm super calm and sweet, and nothing's ever my fault, right Mom?

Something like that, maybe... Maybe not. Anyway, I've put a lock (well, OK, more of a "really hard to reach from the other side"-latch) on the garden gate, a sign on the gate warning of dogs running free and absolutely no admittance, as well as moving the doorbell from the front door to the gate (right next to the dog warning sign). I'm 100% solid on the "no visitors with Tilly here"-rule. The dogs are never outside unsupervised. Beyond kicking her out I'm not sure I can manage the situation any better? Besides, the last weekend she was here she went into heat - that was a fun three days! - and won't be returning for a while. Which is good and bad, it feels calmer for me but it's more boring for Monster, and I'm missing some training setups I can only do with another dog here. But, enjoy what you have and all that!

Well, of course: you have me!

Well, what do you know... Apparently, once I start writing there's no stopping me (as usual). Now it remains to be seen if I can force myself back tomorrow... See you!

(Over)Confidence, Revisited

First of all, that quote in my last post? That's what's called an ugly quote, as in I never read the source I just thought it sounded good/on point when I happened to stumble across it. I was looking for a Pratchett quote about hubris, but I couldn't find it (and can't remember which book/character it was from). I do read Pratchett. (Religiously.) Still can't Google up the quote though... Let's go with another one of his, just because.
"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
(Terry Pratchett)
This is not a quote about hubris, since cats just keep getting away with it...

As, it turns out, do I. So far... I find it hard to evaluate my actions and choices in regards to Monster's freedom, what is the right choice after all? Since I do keep "getting away with it", perhaps I'm overvaluating the risk? Or is it just chance, setting me up for a big fall?

Err... Whuh?

Last night Mom wanted to go berry picking again. Fortunately(?) as I arrived at their place with Monster a guest on a bike (Monster: "RRRRAAAAAAARRRGH! An ENEMY!") arrived at the same time, and Mom got a good demonstration of how I actually am not "constantly exaggerating" Monster's problems. To the point of asking me if I perhaps shouldn't leave him at home while we went to the forest... I patiently (well...) explained to her that absolutely nothing had changed from yesterday, or any other day when she blithely ignores my concerns on risk management with regards to Monster and thinks he should basically be allowed to run around free. And acts on it, if I don't keep a careful eye on her! Since he was no more dangerous after her seeing him react to the biker (as opposed to hearing me tell her about him reacting to something), her concerns should be no greater than before. Monster hadn't changed at all. With this he came along, and Dory too. This time I was however more successful in getting Mom to move further from the road (also helped by us going to a different spot, where the terrain was easier for her to navigate), which was a relief for me. The evening passed without incident - a couple of times Monster perked up toward the road and started to move toward it with interest, but he turned away immediately when I called him. Dory was very much getting on my bad side however, since she kept trying to lure him away! Following a path through the forest for a couple of minutes would lead to a couple of houses with dogs outside, and Dory quickly ran off to visit them (Mom: "... She'll come back eventually." Me: "!"). She did indeed come back (dogs howling and barking in the distance, to Monster's fascination), but only to fetch Monster. She ran around him in invitation and got him to follow her down the path, but! He wouldn't go more than 70-80 meters or so (after stopping them a couple of times I allowed it to see what would happen - hubris again, right?), when he reached the "too far" line - as decided by him - he sat promptly down and refused to take another step no matter what Dory did. When she eventually ran off without him again he started barking in frustration and running around, but he would not follow her! How about that...?

That's cause I'm a Good Boy.

Today, on our daily walk down to my parents' house, we encountered yet another chance for me to make the wrong, risky choice. Of course I took it! As we came around a bend in the road we spotted a deer in a field (150-200 meters away). Monster was off leash and noticed the deer a little after me, but I chose to not distract and leash him even though I had the option (probably). As the deer noticed us, and we kept moving towards it, it turned and walked into the forest behind the field. Monster, by then perhaps 20-30 meters ahead of me, picked up speed, his body tense, head high, tail rigid and upright. I let him go. Could I have called him back at this point? I think so now, and I thought so then. But I wanted a greater distraction, I wanted a test... Monster was running ahead, toward where he'd seen the deer disappear, and I could see the instant he crossed the scent trail - if he'd been running before he started racing now. I still let him go. He followed the trail into the woods, running flat out and completely fixated on the hunt, and when I couldn't see him any more I called out once, turned and walked away...

Did you think this through?

... And was instantly rewarded with an almighty crash behind me, as Monster immediately took the most direct route toward the sound of my voice (I'm guessing), and rather than retracing his steps through easier terrain just barged through bushes and small trees instead. He came literally thundering up behind me, covered in branches and leaves! Happy with this success I immediately proceeded to test him further (of course! why not end in defeat?), and turned around again and set off on a course where we'd cross the deer's trail quite close to where we'd seen it disappear. Monster still off leash. As we came to the spot Monster again became agitated, sniffing around, craning his head toward the forest edge, stepping in place and looking toward me. I didn't interact with him at all, just kept walking past. And Monster just dropped it, followed me and was as relaxed and responsive as before the whole thing. That's something, right?

(To be clear: the deer walked away quite calmly - for a deer - and had a good head start. If it had run off, if I had thought there was any risk of Monster getting very close, if it had set off across open terrain instead of into the forest, or if in some other way I had judged there was a risk of severely stressing the animal, I would have (attempted to?) stopped Monster from engaging. I do not think the world is around to serve our/my needs, I do not think I can make others "pay" for Monster's "gain". I made two judgments, the first that the deer was in no risk from Monster's pursuit, and the second that I could stop Monster from prolonging the pursuit beyond the point where I felt I had a good overview of the situation. You may well judge me as having put the deer at risk anyway, and I'll have to live with that, but I did believe at the time that I had the situation under control. I do believe in retrospect that I did not cause any harm to the deer beyond the initial alarm on seeing us approach - and that's unavoidable whether leashed or not.)

Down south where we live, the stupid animals hang around staring at us until we're just 10-20 meters away - or less - before they go running off in a panic across wide open fields. In that situation Monster would never be allowed off leash to begin with, much less allowed to pursue.

So. Did I do the right thing? Was it a horrible mistake? The result would (perhaps?) indicate I evaluated the situation correctly... I thought I could recall Monster from a hunt situation, and I succeeded. I thought even at a distance of a couple of hundred meters, out of sight, and more or less wholly engrossed in a strong behavior (tracking/hunting/pursuing), Monster would respond to my recall. Well, he did. I thought that even when seriously revved up by the experience, rather than it drawing him back to it again he would let it go when I showed no interest to engage in it with him. He did. So I walked away with a confirmation of my expectations. But the question I'm stuck with is whether or not that's actually a good thing?

Why not?

Because adding to my confidence levels, both in my control over Monster and in my ability to judge my control over Monster, could after all lead to disaster down the line, right? There is a line between training and real world we all have to cross eventually, in most of our training. There is only so much "controlled environment exercise" you can do successfully, before it becomes time to (gradually) move it out of that environment. (Unless you're content with staying there, but few of us are I think.) I have zero ambition to walk Monster off leash in for example a city environment, but I do want to be able to let him off the leash in less stressful surroundings. In order to get there, I have to let go of the leash. But when? Where? How? I don't want Monster to be a threat to others. I don't want him to even frighten others (within reason; people getting upset at the mere sight of a calm, leashed dog some distance away can just learn to deal with their own problems, frankly). I think I have sufficient control over him off leash in order to be moving carefully across that line into the real world (while still staying in a very unchallenging environment), but how do you know? Well, I know the answer to that: you don't. You can only try to be objective and responsible, and keep evaluating as you go. Right? But for something like off leash control, the 80% rule doesn't really apply I think. You need to be much closer to 100%. But you never actually reach 100% though! You can never know with absolute certainty how a situation will develop or how your dog will respond, the best you can do is "fairly sure". (No matter what some people will tell you! No one can guarantee their dog's absolute obedience in any situation, it's simply not possible. And quite frankly, anyone who makes that sort of claim is someone I'd steer quite clear of, as it to me reeks of poor judgment and lack of responsibility.) And for a lot of people, even less than that is quite acceptable (at least to them); they have dogs they don't need to control all that closely, as they're perhaps small, cute, with zero interest in other people or animals... Monster is interested. And while I think he's about the most adorable creature who ever lived, not everyone shares that view of him. He's certainly not small. I need to have him under control. But at which point is he under sufficient control?

Just how much harder do you want me to work, really?

If I thought he was actually dangerous, he'd be permanently leashed. But I don't. If I thought he'd run off from me to confront someone we came across, he'd be leashed (perhaps permanently, but I'd at least try to work on that). But I don't. If I thought he'd go after the wildlife, he'd be leashed. But I don't. My assumptions in these things have been tested (1 by meeting a man on a close path, Monster barked at him but returned to me when called; 2 by walking past people picking berries in the woods by the road before I realized they were there; 3 by getting called off the hunt today), but that's not really proof of anything more than success in those specific situations. Sure, it's also good indications of reliability of behavior, but it's not proof. Proof can not be had. So. What to do? Do I (try to) rein myself in, or do I trust myself more? Because it's not like I'm impartial after all. No matter how hard I try to objectively evaluate myself, Monster, results, etc, I am also always driven by ambition. I want a specific result. How much am I influenced by that in my evaluations?

Don't you trust me?

Teach, you need to teleport up here and help us out! An objective view is sorely needed. I'm all alone up here... ("Try a shock collar!" I was told today. And then they stop listening when I patiently(?) try to explain why that's a terrible idea.)

What's that now? "Shock collar"? Fine with me - I'm the one holding the remote and they're the ones wearing the collar, right?

I would like to try some setups, I think... I would like to encounter people (with and without dogs) at various distances, moving and standing still, in our path and off to the side... But there is no one here to ask - no one who wouldn't use aggression and intimidation on Monster if he should approach them. And that's not a variation of setup I feel ready for. Not because I'm sure it would go badly - I'd estimate perhaps 80% certainty that I'd still be able to call him away - but because it's a somewhat higher risk, and most of all because it's not the kind of experience which will aid Monster's progress...

Nah, what could possibly go wrong?! I'm a very stable dude! No bad experiences are going to influence me...

And since quoting Pratchett is a lot like that proverbial popcorn eating, here are a couple more I couldn't help myself from cramming in here...

A difference I often observe in traditional vs. positive dog trainers:
"The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to those who think they’ve found it."
(Terry Pratchett)

And something for all of us to keep in mind:
"Sooner or later we're all someone's dog"
(Terry Pratchett)

 I had to put them last so I could stop myself from just writing more and more by quickly pressing "publ

"Hubris Calls for Nemesis...

... and in one form or another it's going to get it, not as a punishment from outside but as the completion of a pattern already started."
(Mary Midgley)

We're enjoying the (comparative) freedom up here, Monster running around free of the leash every day - something he never gets to do back home - and me laughing at his antics and finding pleasure in how responsive and focused on me he is. But... The reason he gets to run around off leash is because there's a much (much!) smaller risk of encountering anyone else on our walks (animal, human or vehicle). The reason is not because I think he's magically "cured" here. In other words, I'm relying on the environment to accommodate his issues. But how does it affect me that it does? Because Monster has been off leash daily since we got here, for hours, and every time all goes well. I find myself expecting it to go well, taking greater and greater risks. And naming the beast ("hubris") does not seem to grant me control over it...

Woohoo, why would you want control!?

 


Last night Mom (my mom; Monstermom's mom - this alias business can get confusing if you don't think things through before you set them apparently) wanted to go out and pick some berries. Since she has trouble with her hips and can't negotiate off road terrain very well we needed to stick very close to civilization. We brought her dog Dory and Monster along (I shouldn't have agreed to this, she has zero control over her and while Dory's quite friendly to others she will approach them, and Monster tends to follow her around everywhere). I kept wanting to move further from the road - Mom could stay where she was, a mere two-three meters from the road, but I wanted to take the dogs further into the forest so I could have some time to react in case someone turned up on the road - but Dory would stay with Mom and Monster would drift back toward them over and over again. Instead of realizing that the situation was out of control and calling it quits (leaving or putting one or both dogs in the car), I just muttered, rolled my eyes, or something equally constructive, and just kept at it. I picked berries and kept half an eye on Monster, calling him back to me if I felt he strayed too far but accepting that he was quite a bit closer to the road than I was. And eventually what I knew/ should have known would happen, did happen. A man who walks his (reactive) dog along that road every evening, walked his dog along that road this evening as well. Who'd a thunk it!? I noticed both dogs perking up and taking an interest in the road, Dory setting off for it with Monster close behind. I couldn't see what they were reacting to but let out a loud "YIP!" (my sadly halfassed "emergency recall", nowhere near as well trained and religiously reinforced as it should be, as well as being way, waaaaaaaay overused) to call Monster back - and he turned on the spot, thundering back to me with ears and jowls flapping in the wind! Perhaps he hadn't realized there was someone on the road, simply following his friend's interest rather than being interested himself? But no, when I recalled Monster the man approaching us called out to us too, to inform us he was coming up on us with a dog. I saw Monster notice his voice, but while he glanced in that direction he didn't hesitate for even half a step. He ran straight to me, and sat down at my feet when asked. Of course, as soon as I clipped the leash on him he lost the plot completely, lunging and raging at the man and dog passing by (by then visible from where I was standing too). So what does this mean? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? Well, good things:

• Monster showed a near perfect response to recall, to the point of leaving his friend who was running in the opposite direction
• He showed zero aggression while off leash
• Even with a fairly strong distraction (the man calling out to us) Monster remained focused on me
• While he was by then tense, staring at the man and dog visible on the road, he allowed me to clip the leash on
• ... I suppose it could be a good thing Mom got to see Monster's bad side, as she generally tends to think I'm exaggerating the problem (and takes him out for walks if I'm not looking!) ?

Not so good things:

• As soon as he was on leash he tried really hard to live up to his name
• My complete lack of judgment, putting us in the situation to begin with
• It took some time to calm him back down again
• The good points above

Wait, what? Why are the good points bad? Well, here we return to the point of this post: hubris. It all went well after all, right? Even in this potentially disastrous situation it was an utter piece of cake to control Monster! Surely I can relax and allow us both greater freedoms - what problems there may be, I can handle. Right? Right, let's go for that date with Nemesis right away, shall we?

Bah! I ain't scared!

But the problem is as I've already said, even though I can see my own hubris I can't control it. I think it's driven as much by desire as success, in that I want Monster to have more freedom so what successes we find have a squared effect on me. A lot of people with a fairly limited experience with reactive dogs (as in they used to have/know a dog who lunged on leash, they tried something or other and the "problem" stopped - they must be masterful dog trainers! ... I used to be one of those "helpful" know it alls...) will claim that the greater part of the problem is the handler's expectations - you expect the dog to react negatively and convey this with your body language, thus causing the dog to react negatively. I'm sure there's some truth to this, but with so many other things it's greatly exaggerated. I expect Monster to do splendidly, I really do. Every time we have a failed encounter of some kind, I'm surprised. The (or at least a) definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result; this may be slightly different in someone else (Monster) keeps doing the same thing in the same situation (reacting with demonstrative aggression to triggers) and I never expect it, but I think it could work as a definition too... I've been aware of this ridiculous optimism before (I consider myself a skeptic by nature while those around me describe me as a gloomy pessimist, so it's rather glaringly out of character), but now! Things just keep going well, even in situations where I find myself breathing a sigh of relief afterwards when I think about all that could have gone wrong, nothing does go wrong. So this stubborn streak of overestimation of chances, underestimation of risks just gets encouraged.

Good!

Maybe you're wondering why that's even a problem, since things are after all going well? See the quote up top. While I'm strangely optimistic in the moment I am aware of Monster's issues being quite real when I'm not in the moment (and usually about .0001 seconds into the moment as well). He is insecure around strangers, he does use aggression to get distance from triggers when he's restrained, and I don't have sufficient control over him to safely have him off leash around strong distractions - he's barely even trained at all around distractions, after all. So I'm taking risks I shouldn't. And I do it anyway. Admitting you have a problem may be the first step towards solving the problem, but it's not a very big step, is it?

I think you're exaggerating these so called "risks". And MonsterGran's with me on this!

I've been meaning to film a walk we take daily, a short one around half an hour, along a fairly deserted road (from the cottage where we're staying to my parent's house) - I realize it's about as boring a film as anyone (other than me) could ever see, but hey, my blog remember? I want to see/show how well he listens to me off leash, how far he ranges from me, how well he responds to recall and other commands, and, perhaps most of all, how well I pay attention to him and encourage good behavior (like checking in). Today I did, and of course it turned out not very typical at all! For one thing Monster was quite bad at keeping the "by me" command (a very loose "heel", where he just needs to keep kinda, sorta by my side), something I've been very happy with so far. But today, nope, wouldn't stay by me for more than a couple of seconds at a time... Maybe that's just because I had to make a more objective evaluation of his behavior, now that I have video evidence? But I don't think so, Monster has truly been performing "by me" in an exemplary way up here, I've been using it a lot (instead of leashing him around blind corners or cross roads, where I usually would) and I've been paying close attention to his performance. On this point I think we were simply having a bad day... Or!? Idea... Perhaps I wasn't communicating with him as well as usual, with my attention (at least partially) on the camera all the time? Was he simply responding to/mirroring my distraction?

I can't see you!

Another thing I reacted to was how much I used corrections with him, and this may genuinely be something I'm guilty of and didn't know before I found a new way of observing myself... Or, possibly it's another effect of being unfocused, defaulting back to old behaviors? Maybe a bit of both. Something to pay more attention to, in any case. (The corrections I'm talking about are simply verbal corrections, lowering my pitch slightly if he doesn't listen or breaks position, sharpen a command to stay if he doesn't stop right away, that sort of thing. From what I can tell it didn't have much of an effect but they were automatic and not something I was doing deliberately. At no point did I use anything stronger than verbal corrections, but I did natter on with those quite a lot...)

I tell you to: STOP! that nonsense...

I also meant to show/see how often I missed Monster seeking contact with me, by a glance or simply by angling his ears back to check for me (he spends most of the time ranging ahead). I mean to encourage all such contact, but I think I miss a lot of it. But today there were few glances (and I think I caught most of them - although I was quite late on many of them), and he kept his ears trained on me more or less nonstop! Perhaps this also was due to the activity of filming him changing my general behavior?

Hellooooo? Anybody home?!

On top of this, we wound up with a couple of surprises along the way. First it turned out there were people picking berries beside the road, Monster was behaving a little "off", showing me he was picking up on something, but I didn't figure out what it was until we came across their ATV parked on the side of the road. Monster didn't leave the road and seek them out, which is of course great - I've wondered if he'd be confrontational if we'd come across pickers ("gatherers"?), especially in areas we visit every day where he can be expected to feel slightly more at home, since there are quite a few of them to be found in the area at this time of year (I've been picking mountains of chanterelles myself, yum!), so I'm happy to see he stayed with me. Maybe he didn't notice them? No, I think he certainly did, as I knew he was reacting to something before I spotted the ATV.

There's something going on over there...

And immediately after we'd inspected the ATV (I let Monster walk up to it and take a look, as all changes and new things are a problem for him) we met a woman walking a dog coming toward us. I don't know if Monster noticed them, I'm fairly sure he didn't (I haven't watched that far on the video yet, maybe I can tell from that), but by then he was on leash already - I leashed him when we spotted the ATV - and he turned immediately when I told him we were going back. We headed off road slightly and let the woman and dog pass by, by then I know he at least saw her (we also called out a greeting to each other) but I don't think he could see the dog over the tall ferns. Either way he handled it very well, calmly curious more than anything else, although he was a bit eager to sniff their trail as we moved up on the road again.

We should be walking in the other direction if we're to catch up with them...

So not our regular walk after all. But probably not an interesting show for anyone (else), I do realize that! Still, that wouldn't keep me from posting it... But it turns out to be completely impossible, since it would take about a day - or more - to upload it, and would use up a lot more than the monthly GB allotment this Internet connection allows! So, you will tragically have to wait for this riveting watch until we return to civilization.

Poor you! I'm so photogenic!

And on that note, it's time to leave you. (Apparently the cows have gone through the fence again. How fun.) A final word of wisdom: enjoy your Internet connections - you don't know how good you have it...

The cows? They're loose!? I'm staying right here until you've fenced them in again...

(Disclaimer: this is a fairly long text - sorry about that - and I haven't the time to read through it for mistakes or off topic - hah! - so it's quite possibly even more unreadable than usual. And there aren't even any new Monster pics to sweeten things up, thanks to the dearth of Internet here. But, you know, the cows are loose, deal with it.)

Monster Goes For Takeout

... Fortunately he comes back empty handed! This morning was another of my absolute nightmare scenarios: the line snapped. It didn't even have the decency to do it with a dramatic sound effect, at most I think there may have been a slight "fwip" as the tension in the line gave.

Yeah... My ears are better than yours, but I think my mind may have been on other things...

Just to demonstrate how Monster actually feels about hares, what happened was first one hare then another jumping up quite far ahead of us and running off. Monster fixated, started tugging on the line and trying to go after them. In typical hare brilliance the pair of idiots decided to double back and run across the path we were on - still pretty far away though - and Monster did another small lunge and the line just... gave up. Naturally, I took the most productive option of how to act: I panicked. At first he didn't race off, he just pulled further ahead of me in little starts and stops, and I couldn't decide what to do so I tried recalling him, telling him to sit, stop, and lie down. I may have thrown something else in there too... Naturally he lost whatever interest he may have had in me and raced off after the distant hares. I will say he got a lot closer than I thought he would.

That's cause I'm fast. A lean, mean, running machine...

Uh-huh, sure. That's why your tongue was by your knees when you finally came back, right?

Because he did come back, fortunately. He ran around for maybe a minute or so, within sight at all times (very open country), then he looked around for me who was "calmly" sitting down on the edge of an old well and came trotting back. As I saw him being interested in me again I got on my hands and knees (with a small scream - the panic had made me forget about my foot, which no longer bends the ways required to kneel down) and pretended to find something super interesting in the dirt, hoping he'd come investigate it with me. Which he did, but now I'm thinking he'd probably have returned anyway. But I really didn't want him to continue past me and onto the path behind us we'd just left. Ordinarily, I'd like to think I'd have the presence of mind to try the reaction I believe would be most likely to succeed, which is to turn around and say "let's go back!" while jogging (OK, hobbling) away from him. This is something which works - or should work - on two levels; for one it's a command we use in BAT, so he has a learned response to this cue in tense/exciting situations; for another he's fairly dependent on me and hates when I "abandon" him. But today this was not an option - going back was a direction I really wanted to avoid: behind us were a man with an infant and a dog. While Monster probably wouldn't have presented any danger for the man or the dog, based on past experience as well as knowing Monster isn't really driven by aggression, I can never feel safe with him around a small child. It takes so very little to severely injure a child that young, and Monster is so big and so clumsy and excitable... A lot of worst case scenarios went through my head in the short time Monster was running free, and while I know those were highly unlikely it was a risk I had no wish to take. But, happily, Monster just raced across the field after the hares and came running back to me again quite soon. He was happy - he'd had fun - and I was terrified. Sounds like a regular day now that I think about it...

Fun times! Let's do it again after I've had a nap...

Monster Says: Let's Go For A Run!

... And I say: I don't think so.

I'm very disappointed in you!

I know I haven't been posting much lately, sorry about that. But to be quite honest I did try - it just wound up being the same thing over and over; "woe is me, I have a broken leg, everything is so difficult, poor Monster, boohoo", and who wants to read that? (Well, all right, if there's one thing having a blog has taught me it's that there are people out there who get turned on by the strangest things, so no doubt there are people who actually would have liked to read that. But that's not what this blog is for, and I'm not that kind of "monstermom"... Did you know I can see what search words led you to my blog? Yeah, that's right, I know what you're doing. Now go away, there's nothing for you here. Freaks.) Whew, got that off my chest - now where was I? Right, didn't want to whine on about the same thing all the time, couldn't seem to focus on anything else. So I've kept a bit quiet. Until now! You see, now is my moment of triumph!

Uh-huh... I don't think you're using that word right.

Big news: I AM FREE! The cast is gone! Woohoo, time to celebrate! Let's go for a six hour hike! Except... Did you know your leg doesn't work very well after five-six weeks in a cast? I actually did know that, and thought I was prepared for it. Turns out I was nowhere near prepared... It hurts. But that's fine, I can deal with pain (not well, mind you, but I can do it). But the leg just doesn't work right, and the foot won't bend. And I'm so weak! When I was in the cast I thought it was difficult controlling Monster physically in case he went nuts, the cast was cumbersome and made me slow and awkward. But it was also something truly rigid to lever against the momentum, so once (if) I'd managed to get into position there was little chance Monster could actually move me. Now, I've got nothing. Sure, the leg moves more easily now than it did with the cast on, but it's basically useless. I couldn't hold a cat bracing against that leg. I can barely walk...

I've noticed.

The physical therapist told me to take it easy and do my exercises. I'll do my exercises, but the "take it easy" part is bugging me. Why, exactly? Surely the more I use the leg the faster it'll get back to normal? As I understood it I was actually doing a lot better out of the cast than expected (clearly we had different expectations!), due to the amount of walking I've been doing. Then more walking is better, right? And surely, using my leg and foot for their actual purpose - rather than doing some repetitive exercises in my living room - must be the ultimate training for atrophied muscles? But it's really difficult... The pain isn't really all that bad, it's like a bad sprain (except it's not just my ankle but all the way from my toes to my knee) plus exercise soreness (the walk from the hospital to my ride home, 3-4 ks across town, was probably not a good idea in hindsight), and I know how to walk through a sprain. Basically, you just grit your teeth and do it. But the lack of control and the strange weakness is a bigger issue - if I lose my balance even a little bit, I've got a very slim chance of correcting. I can fall flat on my face because Monster turned his head to look at something and the tiny tug on the leash caused an infinitesimal shift in balance - and I can't really shift my balance... You know what this is? It's annoying, that's what it is! I get so irritated that my leg just won't do its job. But still. Even though right now I'm actually even slower and less in control than I was with the cast on, getting the cast off is still a huge milestone! While the leg feels ridiculously stubborn right now, at least I can start working on getting back to normal. With the cast on, every day was just something to get through. Now, finally, I can start actively working on improving.

Hm. Maybe...

The PT also told me I mustn't limp, since that's just a leftover from walking with the cast and if I keep doing it it'll become my permanent walk. Lady, I'm not limping because it's comfortable - I'm limping because it hurts to put weight on my leg! But all right, I'm being very careful to not limp. Promise. Even though that means every single step I take is slow and thought through, and I basically wind up walking like a bride down the isle. It feels (and no doubt looks) ridiculous, but I'm not limping (much). I'm not using the damned crutches though, that part you can just forget.

Shhh, Don't Jinx It!

I kind of don't want to write this post... If I say it out loud (or put it down in print) it'll turn back to a pumpkin. But on the other hand, the blog is here for a reason - and it's about exactly this... So... I probably should tell you, right?

Oh, would you just get on with it!

Here's what we'll do: I'll pretend I didn't write this, and you all don't look, OK? Also, no talking about fight club! Here goes...

Too late, I already fell asleep...

The past few days, Monster has been incredibly good on walks. It started with people, on one walk we encountered five different men, three of them complete strangers, all actively doing something, four of them looking at us and speaking to us, and two of them moving straight toward us. All close (the closest at leash length). And Monster didn't react! He didn't ignore them, but he didn't react badly. He was interested in them, he stuck his head out to get a better sniff of the closest ones, but no snarling, jumping, lunging, growling - not even tightened leash!

Are you still going on about that? Let's have some peace and quiet now...

And then it started happening with dogs... Today we suddenly met two dogs coming around a corner toward us, fairly close (about 8-10 meters maybe). Monster stopped, I turned around and tried to call him with me - well aware that that wasn't going to work. Only to look down and realize he hadn't even hesitated, he'd followed me right away! So we turn onto a side street, trying for a different route to where we were going. Unfortunately the two dogs follow us, and at the end of the road we have to squeeze by a fenced yard along a very narrow path, and in that yard were two rabidly insane terriers. Well, I tell a lie, one of them was rabidly insane, the other one was "just" a high level fence fighter. Still, complete chaos. Monster is very clearly disturbed by the dogs, especially the one who is actually attacking the fence, biting and pulling at it while just screaming rage, then running off to build some speed before launching himself at the fence... I was hoping the owners would turn up and call the dogs (that was a lot of noise, and this was in the morning), but no one turned up. I had to choose between forcing Monster to squeeze by the fence or turn back and have him meet and pass the two dogs following us. I chose the fence, at least the dogs were separated. Monster did pull toward these dogs, but he was also very clearly trying to communicate. He did some quick (and only half finished) play bows, he looked away, he sniffed, he turned to the side, etc - it was all on turbo speed, and he was clearly both uncomfortable and overexcited, but it wasn't lunging and snarling! All right, there may have been some lunging, but we're working our way up from a deep valley here people, so give me this one, OK? After we'd passed the fenced yard we took a little timeout at a distance, letting Monster look at the terriers if/when he wanted to (they were still barking/attacking the fence) and sniff around and pretend to ignore them if he felt like that. When he was calmer we moved on, turned a corner, and of course there were the two dogs from earlier, heading straight for us again. We were not going back to the terriers, but with the stress Monster had just been under there was absolutely no chance he'd be able to handle meeting and passing these dogs (I know, like he could have done that if he hadn't just been wound up - it's fun to pretend though). So, off to the side of the path we go - we can't get far, but by then I'm simply aiming for a distance where I'll be able to physically control Monster, and hopefully not frighten the other dogs (and owner) half to death. But again he surprises me! He takes a couple of steps toward the other dogs but keeps the leash slack, he looks at them interestedly (but not tense, not the "scare stare") as they move toward us (still calm...), draw even with us (still calm!), and move away from us (what the...?). Monster keeps looking at them as they walk away, while I stand there more or less stunned just looking at him until I come around from the shock and decide we shouldn't stand around in the bushes for the rest of the day. So, we move on. And walk not even two minutes, before we cross a bike path and I suddenly realize there's a woman right there, walking toward us with her two dogs. The group must have been about 4-5 meters away from us, walking directly toward us. Monster? No reaction. It's like he didn't see them, but he's a dog - he knew they were there, he just didn't want to acknowledge them. By then I was exhausted from all the excitement, even if Monster seemed to be doing fine, so I set the course for home. And come upon some small, fluffy, bouncy thing (poodle-something?), trying to walk backwards (his owner was moving away from us - thank you, universe!) while barking, bouncing, growling and just generally behaving like... well, like Monster. While Monster seemed confused more than anything else, and didn't respond in kind. Now, if I had written this, and if you in turn had read it, I'd ask you: how about that, people!?! But I didn't. And you didn't. So I won't.

Of course, when we were aaaaaaalmost home a cat ran past us, and there went our peace. But let's deal with cats some other day, OK?

Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate! There was a cat here...

(Oh, and in case you're wondering: yeah, the leg's still broken. Working on it.)

Broken Leg Is Good For BAT?

Our awesome trainer came through for us and sent us some DVDs to relieve some of the boredom. I now have close to ten hours of BAT information to work through, which is - as I said - awesome. I have something marginally useful to do, and Monster has found some of the scenes very interesting too.

How come all those dogs are small, flat, and don't smell?

I find the DVDs both inspiring and depressing. The inspiring part is probably obvious: basically I want to make that kind of progress too, I want to get out and put it all into practice! So, since you all get that anyway, let's focus on the depressing parts.

Oh, come on, you can't be surprised!

Point the first: the dogs in the videos are ridiculously uncomplicated! Grisha says things like "You may have to start off at a great distance. 75-100 feet even"... That's where we are now - barely - and we started off at about, oh, 750 feet or so... And then there's a cut in the film and text informing us it's ten minutes later, and we see the reactive dog sniffing the trigger! Yeah, that's not happening with Monster. Look, I understand that these dogs are chosen because they illustrate the steps and the progress well, and they're not representing a set pattern or mold you can expect to follow with all dogs, but they're so mellow! I actually find it hard to believe these dogs have any real problems, and certainly not Monster level problems...

What are you talking about!? I haven't got any problems!

Yes, Grisha talks about bite history - Monster's possibly ahead there, as he's only bitten me when redirecting - so I get that there are other dogs out there with serious problems. But I still get depressed watching these super easy dogs (from my perspective) just fly through the exercises while at worst giving a small bark. Alright, there was one dog, illustrating the evaluation part (with a stuffed toy dog), who actually attacked and "killed" the trigger - something I don't think Monster would do - but to me Monster is still coming off as a... well, monster compared to these super friendly and calm dogs.

Point the second: God I've lost time! This is not a new realization, I know I'm far, faaaaaaaar behind the intended schedule. First there were the months up north last summer and fall, where there was very little to train against (not exactly a densely populated area) and what few triggers we came across were generally extremely ill suited for the purpose since there is quite a large disagreement between how I think Monster should be treated and trained (carefully, in controlled settings) and how people up there think Monster should be treated ("give him a whack", basically). Then, when I finally got back home, I was getting weaker and weaker. Turns out I had severe vitamin D deficiency, but before that was diagnosed and I started a treatment it was so bad I literally got lost on walks, couldn't remember if we'd even gone for walks or not, and I was so physically weak I had to crawl up the stairs and lie down once I got upstairs. In other words I had neither the mental capacity to plan and execute training, nor the physical capacity to control Monster's behavior if necessary. And once that was getting better I broke my leg! What the hell is going on, quite frankly!? Did I upset some deity? Does someone have a voodoo doll of me? Honestly, what is going on with my life?!

Hey, it's not just your life getting messed up!

Which leads us back to the inspirational part of it all. As I was taking a break from the DVDs and took Monster outside for a quick pee, I couldn't stand it any more. I decided to try some BAT training then and there - if I could only find some triggers. Right then, a neighbor's dog started barking. We trained against that (the dog was behind the neighbor's house, not visible to us). I spotted some neighbors down the street changing the tires of their car. We trained against that (they didn't seem to notice us, and Monster wasn't very interested at the distance we were from them). A cat crossed the road a couple of houses down. We trained against that. I remembered that a neighbor's dog has been charging the fence at us quite a lot lately, and winding Monster up a bit more every time. We trained against that (the dog wasn't there, just the empty fence). And this is where I tie it back to this post's title: It's difficult for me to handle any rough behavior from Monster right now, with a broken leg I don't have the agility or strength required to control him if he goes nuts - at least not without injuring myself further. What this meant was that I was actually cautious! I always try to push things just a bit more than I should. I'm aware of it, and I try to control it, but it still happens. Turns out a broken leg is a very good reminder! Every step I take reminds me to be careful, pay attention, and not push it. Excellent! Unfortunately there really are some serious drawbacks too, like how I can't pick up the pace to make a retreat quicker than an approach. And quite noticeably, when the neighbor's dog came rushing the fence after all, my ability to adjust to changing circumstances really kind of suck...

Where'd that come from!?!

But Monster totally surprised me! He did lunge, but somehow slowed down through the entire lunge so when he landed it looked like he was moving in slow motion. Then he stared at the raging dog behind the fence for a second or two, and then he veeeeery deliberately looked away to the side - almost back over his shoulder - and gave a huge yawn! My awesome little guy! (So of course this success meant I had to keep pushing it - apparently surviving the first lunge had gone to my head and the broken leg had become irrelevant - and I did two more approaches to the fence-mad dog... Fortunately I came to my senses and realized I was setting up for failure rather than success - as usual - and hopped back home again. No disaster, but not thanks to me.)

So, not exactly a very good training walk... But, I have to be honest, it felt good! And it was fun!

I thought so too! Can we go again?!

Right now I'm wavering. Should I try more even though I'm hobbling around on a broken leg (or even because I'm on a broken leg)? Or should I be more careful so I don't end up in a situation I can't control? Oh, who am I kidding, it's not as if I'm ruled by anything other than impulses anyway...