Disaster Strikes

I've had a fear for quite a while now - one of those "OMG, what if!?" thoughts you scare yourself with when you're having a bad day - and yesterday it happened... Out on a walk with Monster, I jumped over a ditch. Or rather, tried to jump over a ditch. I misjudged the landing, and broke my ankle. Let me tell you something: I screamed... And once I'd calmed down a bit and tried to relax, I tried to get up - it could have been just a bad sprain after all, nevermind the unpleasant crunching sound - and screamed some more as I fell down again. That leg was not going to participate.

That was a very strange game, Mom... And you were very loud.

Fortunately I'd brought my phone - something I usually forget - and called my sister once I'd stopped crying. I needed her to take Monster, that was my first priority. With Monster along with me, no way can I call an ambulance, I can't get help from strangers out walking, I have to get him secure. So my sister said she was coming (after some disbelieving "You did what!?"), and I proceeded to crawl away. I wanted to get up to the road so she could pick us up. Let me tell you, that hurt. And Monster was very confused by this strange new game we were apparently playing, wanting to get in my face, check out what I was doing, fetching sticks to play with - and getting the leash tangled around my leg. So there was some screaming directed at Monster as well. I knew I was being very unfair - he had no idea what was going on - and that the screaming and shouting would do nothing to calm him down, but I wasn't entirely able to act rationally by then.

Yeah, you were super weird...

I crawled for about 20 minutes before I realized I wouldn't be able to reach the road. It hurt far too much, not to mention I was crawling through thorns and had cut up my hands and knees pretty badly by then... Fortunately I was fairly close to a tractor lane, so I crawled out into a small field and directed my sister to try to drive down there, and sat down to wait. Monster thought that was a great idea, he had a good view of a couple of bike paths and could watch people pass by at a distance. Some people let their freerunning dog a little too close to us, but overall it went pretty well. I had a bag of turkey meat with me that I sprinkled around from time to time to keep Monster busy.

That was a nice break, we should do that more often!

When my sister turned up I had to crawl over and load Monster into her car - when she tried he first backed away, and when she insisted he laid down and pretended to be dead... Then I had to load myself into the car, and I'll spare you a description of the sounds I made for that little adventure. We decided the best thing was to leave Monster in my sister's car while I was at the hospital (I think my sister - who's broken both her ankles in the past - suspected I wouldn't be released right away) and headed off into town. I wound up spending seven and a half hours in the orthopedic ER, but I didn't need surgery! The doctor said I had a "very funny fracture". I'm not laughing, let me tell you...

I don't get the joke...?

So, part one of my nightmare scenario turned out OK: I had my phone with me, so I could call for help, and I was released from the hospital. Unfortunately, there's not much variation possible for part two: I'm in a cast. I can't walk. I can't drive. I live alone. How am I going to take care of Monster for the next two months!? My sister says she'll drive over and walk him for me, at least a short walk once a day. That's very generous of her. Unfortunately she's a firm believer in dominance theory and corrections, and we got into a fight on the way home from the hospital (talk about fighting from a disadvantage considering how much she'd done for me that day) about how Monster is clearly very dominant, since he lifted his leg veeeeeery high when she took him out of the car to pee...

Say what now?

But the bottom line is I don't know what to do. I can't walk him, not even a very short distance. I took him out last night for his evening pee and walked about five meters out, five back - then I threw up and fell over, in a cold sweat and blackening vision. It hurts. This morning I put him on a long line and sat down in the door and just let him walk himself over to a nice corner. I can't do that for two months, he'll go stir crazy. I wish I had spent some of those "OMG, what if!?"-moments actually coming up with a brilliant plan for this situation. But I didn't. And I can't find one now. If anyone has an idea, I'd be happy to hear it...