Cranky Monster

We're having a little trouble here lately. Monster isn't feeling too well...

How could this happen to me?

I noticed a bump under one of his paws a while back. At first I thought he'd simply got a minor infection in some little scratch, and figured it wasn't anything to get upset over. Monster wasn't particularly bothered by it, so I kept it clean and monitored it. But it didn't change... After a little over a week, I decided it needed to be looked at. It was firm and didn't appear infected at all, nothing like a cut really. I can deal with the simple stuff, but I was getting increasingly convinced that this bump may be trouble. Now, taking Monster to the vet isn't a fun prospect so this wasn't a decision I made easily. In other words you probably understand just how worried I was getting.

Oh, come on - it's just a tiny bump. I can shake it off like that!

I was prepared for Monster being a bit difficult with the vet, but he surprised me anyway. He went for the vet tech as soon as he spotted her, and he didn't let up. When the vet came in too, it just meant Monster had two targets. He was completely unreasonable, and I ended up having to lie on top of him in order to keep him restrained. I'd expected he would start objecting quite vehemently as soon as someone other than me started to handle him physically (especially since the problem was on his paw, he's ridiculously worried about having his paws handled), but the way he just pulled out all the stops as soon as he got someone in his sights - long before anyone even came close to touching him - honestly surprised me. And would have made me quite sad, if I'd had any emotional room for that right now. The vet only made a brief check of Monster's paw before deciding he needed to sedate Monster in order to continue. I'd hoped (although this hope had been fighting quite hard against some darker suspicions) that we'd simply get out of there with an ointment or something. Part of me was still arguing that it had been ridiculous to take Monster to the vet just for a little lump that didn't even bother him all that much, after just a week or two - especially considering the situation for both Monster and the people at the vet's office. But the vet quickly put a stop to that annoying voice in my head (and replaced it with a Greek chorus of woe, naturally) with one word: tumour.

I can't hear you!

We won't know anything for sure until the end of the week, when we get the lab results. But I'm FREAKING OUT! My baby Monster! Oh god, it's going to be bad news, isn't it...? I, quite honestly, can't handle this. I've been crying like an idiot on and off since we got home yesterday. Which is stupid, I don't know anything for sure yet! And Monster is so young, far too young for the c-word, right? Oh, please...

How did mom die again...?

While I'm trying to keep my wits about me I'd at least like to say that the people at the vet's office were great! They didn't get the least bit worked up over Monster's apparent hatred of them, they stayed calm the whole time no matter what he did and reassured me that as long as I could just hold him there really wasn't much of a problem. They were incredibly patient and helpful.

What!? Are you taking their side!?

Right now Monster has a fairly sizeable cut along one side of the metacarpal pad on one of his paws. He's getting painkillers and antibiotics. And he's grumpy! Forget all the progress, Monster in pain is Monster in attack mode. He will lunge at anything, and he's barking and growling in the house whenever he hears anything outside. And every couple of hours or so he comes cuddling up to me and sticks his wounded back paw in my lap, clearly begging me to fix it so it doesn't hurt him any more, which just breaks my heart further... I really want to fix it. Oh, do I ever!

You'll know when I know - at least provided I can manage to communicate.