Today's Cloud

Dentist's appointment. Don't get me wrong, the dentist is very nice - it's just what she does to me I don't like so much...

Is she mean? You want me to have a talk with her?

I couldn't leave Monster at home what with the workers in the house, so he had to come with me and wait in the car. And after the appointment I was pretty much knocked out. Boring day for poor Monster (again).

You know what, I hope she was mean. You deserved it.

Today's Sunshine

We've been having some workers in the house again today. It seemed like a good idea to have windows which actually close before winter comes...

Yeah... I remember winter...

They're unfortunately terrified of all dogs, so you can maybe imagine how they feel about Monster. Poor guys...

But, Monster's actually been pretty good about it! I've kept him on leash at all times, and made sure to move off to the side whenever one of the guys are coming in our direction. We've spent a bit of time just sitting out of reach and watching them work, and Monster's actually relaxed and ignored them! Even more impressive, he's actually taken an interest in them when they've made some particularly strange noise - and then he's just sighed and turned his back on them again! For Monster it's pretty impressive to wind back down again once something has triggered his interest - I'd consider it far more normal to just keep tensing up and driving himself off the edge. Even when one of the guys repeatedly turned toward him, stared and said "Wooof-woof-woof!", Monster just looked at him and didn't react! (The guy was just trying to deal with his own fear, so I couldn't get too mad about it. Plus I don't speak Polish so it would've been practically impossible to ask him to stop. At least in a polite way.)

Actually, I thought he was kind of funny!

Today's Cloud

This is getting ridiculously repetitive, but it remains the big cloud in our sky: I'm sick. I am feeling better today, my head is a bit more in the game and I want to do stuff. But my body hasn't caught up yet, and trying to do anything challenging knocks me off my feet completely. Poor Monster, seriously!

Yeah, no joke.

Having a dog is responsibility. If you're too weak to exercise and train your dog appropriately you need to find someone else to do the job, right? A friend, a family member, a neighbor's kid, someone who can just walk the dog at least, while you get back on your feet... But with a dog like Monster that's just not possible. Taking Monster out is a far greater responsibility than I can ask anyone else to handle. So what do I do when I can't manage? Just let him suffer my cold along with me, that's what...

It's not fair, but I really don't see an option.

Today's Sunshine

Monster and I spent some time outside today, standing on an abandoned field in the village and doing some relaxation training. It wasn't what any of you would consider advanced - no one walked by in the time we were out there, certainly no dogs! The only things happening were a few cars driving by and some people within sight working in their gardens. But for Monster that's not so easy to ignore...

You can't trust them, but don't worry - I'll keep watch!

But he did slowly relax, and when he lay down on his side and sniffed the grass I counted it as a win and went back home. Eventually we'll be able to hang out there on a Saturday afternoon, with kids and dogs running all around and Monster not caring one bit. Eventually...

Calm enough for you? Now can I get up and attack?

It's a lot easier to get Monster to offer "relaxed" as a rewardable behavior than it is to get him to actually relax, though. That's on me, for trying to guide him into what's expected of him, and for giving up too soon (and picking far too great challenges). I'll work on that too.

Today's Cloud

Let me share a little story with you:

The day after my post declaring the blog live again, I dragged my diseased carcass over to my main computer (remember, pretty much everything else computerish I owned is by now broken), thinking that even with a cold making me useless I could at least manage to work on the computer. I'd gotten a CM 4-in-3 hd bay, and a new 3TB drive delivered, and even with a cold I can hold a (small) screw driver. So I installed the bay, moved my existing hard drives into it and added the new one, cleared up the kitten-in-a-knitting-store nest of cables in there a bit. Closed the case, rolled my eyes at how exhausted I was, and turned the computer on...

Oh man, I remember this bit. Pardon me while I go hide.

Only to be greeted with a PXE-error (check cable). Blind panic, no idea what that means, no way of getting on the internet to find information, too late to drive over to someone with a functioning computer, and zero chance I won't do something stupid. So I open the case up again, start checking the relevant cables and connections, can't find anything wrong but hope I may have jiggled something right without noticing it, start the computer again: PXE-error. Open the case, pull all cables and reset them, start again: PXE-error. In most of these retries I've also been going into the BIOS to try to find some clues to what the hell a PXE-error could possibly be (meaning, in retrospect, I've been looking right at it - I can even remember seeing the drive boot order and thinking it was the wrong SATA port in first). Completely nuts and frantic, I open the case yet again, pull everything off the motherboard - just so I can try to read all the text on there to see if I can find something relating to PXE. Finally I give up, by then actually crying, computer in pieces around my feet, Monster anxiously trying to push himself between me and whatever's upsetting  me, and stagger off to snuggle with my dog on the couch and try to hold on to my sanity (yes, I'm aware that it was long gone by then, but I didn't know that then) until dawn when I could crash my sister's house and use her computer to find out what had gone wrong.

I have to deal with all that crazy, and all I get is a lousy carrot...

After about half an hour of intense Monster therapy (consisting of him snoring on my lap, drooling on my pants, and generally sharing his abundance of wonderfulness), I'm finally calm enough to realize two things. One: I was not in shape to be tinkering with the computer to begin with. And two: I know what PXE-error means! So, in spite of Monster's objections, back to the computer we go. I reassemble the poor thing, turn it on, correct the hard drive boot order in the BIOS, and hey! Working computer!

I don't really care either way, but at least it meant I could finally get some sleep!

So what does this story of idiocy have to do with Monster? Well, it nicely illuminates two things relevant to dealing with a reactive dog: Firstly, trying to do more than you can actually handle is just stupid. There's no shame in sneaking around in the middle of the night just to avoid triggers. It's not the right thing to do to confront a situation you're not 100% percent sure will go in your favor, it's not a game of he who dares wins. Smart people win, and smart people know their limitations and work around them. Don't let people tell you you need to push it harder in training: if you're cautious you may progress a little slowly, but if you push it too hard and put yourselves in a situation where you've made a mistake and your dog goes over threshold you lose a lot of ground. Much like an idiot who can't accept that being sick isn't the same as being idle, and tries to find busywork for hands whose brain pilot's off on vacation.

And second: Never, ever lose your cool. No matter how bad a situation you find yourself in, don't panic and react. Cut your losses, get out of there, calm down, regroup, think it through, and then make adjustments for the future. If your dog is suddenly over threshold surrounded by triggers with no way out, don't try to manage him, don't try to find that magic fix ("Where's the ball?! Want a treat?? Find the ball! Sit, sit!!! Oh god, please calm down - and shut up!"). Deal with the situation instead ("Back up and give us space."). Or you'll make a bad situation worse and it will all spin out of control. Remember, nothing is so bad you can't make it worse! Much like a fever dazed idiot scattering computer parts all over the floor looking for the mean pixie...

In case you're wondering what's with this looooong and tortured simile, I've spent nearly four months surrounded by people who have no idea of what it's like to have a dog like Monster, no idea why I train like I do, and an extreme reluctance to learn about it (it's so much easier to just have uninformed opinions after all - less work). Meaning I've had some serious training in taking the long way around, and it seems like it's taking a while to wind back down. Sorry about that.

Not half as sorry as some of us. Here, have a blanket - and shut up!

Got you. Nightie-night.

Today's Sunshine

This evening I played with Monster a bit. That may not sound like anything noteworthy, but I've been really struggling with this cold and Monster's been paying for it unfortunately. Us goofing around and wrestling for a couple of minutes tonight is a big change - even though I soon collapsed into a wheezing heap and had to crawl off to get my asthma meds.

Everyone who thinks Mom's a wimp, raise a paw!

If I can just manage to get a couple of hours of sleep tonight before waking up in a panic because I can't breathe, by tomorrow I should be back on my feet. No more coughing huddled under three blankets for me! I had big plans for Monster's training, starting the moment we got back home. Now they've all fizzled and it feels like I'm fighting a hopeless battle again. But that really does make me a wimp!

Well, if the blanket fits...

It doesn't really matter if we wound up losing time to some stupid cold (due to a punk ass immune system, which is about to get the performance review of its life), tomorrow is a new day and all that syrupy positive smarm. It really is, and it will contain some serious Monster training time.

Riiiiight... I'm keeping a blanket on stand by for you - just in case.
*cough*Wimp!*cough*

The Monster Is IN!

So. After another grueling 14-hour drive (where I got lost twice, once only 20 minutes away from home!) we're back to civilization. Just before we left I dropped my e-reader, while away I crashed a 2 TB drive, my laptop gave its final breath, I had to have Tin Can in for repairs four (!) times, and I arrived home without my camera. Shortly after setting foot in our (smelly) house (there was a DEAD BAT in the bathroom!!) I was down with a nasty cold I must have picked up along the way (I knew that Subway place looked uncharacteristically shabby...), and staggering about in a fever daze after an attempted Monster walk (do not walk reactive Monsters with a high fever, you'll soon find yourself face first in the mud with no idea what happened) I dropped my mobile phone on the floor and then promptly stepped on it producing a satisfyingly crunchy sound... Welcome home: gas tank, wallet and immune system all pointing to "empty". Awesome.

Aaaaanyway, Monster is fighting to break down the walls to get out and have some fun, while I'm fighting to get some air into my congested lungs. I'm too wiped out to do more than the bare necessities for him, which is stressing both of us out. I hate being sick.

You hate it!? I'm the one suffering - you're practically unconscious.

And with the loss of both camera and hard drive there's going to be some serious recycling of already used photos for a while (like until I win the lottery). Good thing Monster's so handsome you never get tired of looking at him!

I fully intend to have killed this cold tomorrow, so count the blog as live again.

(Well, maybe the day after that...)