Out Of Office

Just dropping by to tell you that I'm not exactly playing hooky from the blog (for once)! I'm currently up north in my old home town - you know, that ridiculously backwards place where the Internet is a rare animal to find - to visit my parents. My father has once again acted under the delusion that he's just the same as he was in his twenties, and consequently got his foot caught in the snow chains as he was climbing around on his... logger? harvester? big-tractor-thingy-you-cut-down-trees-with? yeah, let's go with the last one. Anyway, he fell backwards, landed on his head/shoulder/back, broke a bunch of bones, whacked his skull, and smashed an eye. So here we are, dad's injured and Monster and I are hanging out in the sticks for a while. I don't know when we'll be getting back to civilization, but you'll have to manage - somehow! - for a while without us...

Did Grampa cut these down before he fell?

Let's Try Something New!

OK, so I'm not going to go over yet another "oh, woe, how I have let the blog slide" complainathon. It's obvious, we all know it, let's move on. But something I realized today, that I must have forgotten or refused to remember even: this blog is supposed to help us by being a record of Monster's development over time (which doesn't work if I don't write anything, duh), as well as a place to look at each day's efforts and results. Long term and short term, this blog was meant to keep us on the right track. And I think not dealing with the blog has allowed our training to slip, quite a lot! Or perhaps I've been so reluctant to blog because I knew there was a problem and I didn't want to face it...? I don't know. But either way, I think there is a problem and it has to be dealt with.

What, now? How about tomorrow...?

Yes, now. Or I'll just go back to hiding from it again. The problem is this: I don't want to, I can't be bothered, in a minute, we'll do it later, it's better tomorrow, I'm tired, I don't feel well, and we'll just wing for now and I'll do it properly next time... Put simply, I'm neglecting Monster. We're doing far too little, and what we do tends to be halfhearted and improvised - after a long windup of "five more minutes, I'm coming..." I'm not sure how long this has been going on, even! And I'm trying to snap out of it, but it's really hard. I don't want to do things, everything seems like such an effort - just going for a walk is miserable most of the time, and not just the getting started but most of the way through I just want to turn around and go home. Let's not even talk about training specific behaviors, sometimes I improvise something halfassed but it's all one offs and leads nowhere. Poor Monster!

Yup.

So, time to try something new on the blog: public shaming! An excellent old tradition, time to put it to use. For now I'm going to skip the good/bad posts, and instead just post a summary of our day each evening (I intend to, at least) listing what we've actually done. Writing that out in black and white and letting everyone see just how bad a dog owner I am might succeed where I've so far failed: curing the lazies. And I have a bad case, so let the shaming commence!

Today I have managed the following:

• Walks: 1h 55min! Wow... That is some kind of pathetic... Admittedly we still have our evening walk left since I'm writing a little early tonight, so that could be another 45min... 30min... 20min... Oh, come on, not even twenty minutes!? Maybe not... Let's say 15-20 minutes more tonight then, just to keep me from starting to cry.
• Exercise: 35min dragweight. OK, that maybe doesn't sound so bad, but actually I never meant to go for that long since we're still very new to this exercise, but I just lost track of time (since I hadn't planned anything properly). We also got started more than an hour later than I intended, and that hour was spent entirely on "five more minutes"-ing with me huddled under five blankets on the couch...
• Training: 0! Absolutely nothing... Not a single behavior trained today... Yeah, there's a reason I say there's a problem... Theoretically I could say the day's not quite over yet, but the honest truth is I won't do anything tonight. I may think about doing something, but I won't actually do it. Nothing.

So far the public shaming doesn't seem to have kicked in yet... Let's hope it starts its magic soon though, before Monster moves in with our neighbors - they may be cat people (and watch Cesar Millan for entertainment) but they're no doubt more fun than me!

Well... It's possible! I'll give you one more chance though.

Yeah, Yeah, I Know:

You. Suck.

I told you, I already know! Alright?

*hmph*

 So... I honestly though I'd gotten back on track with the blog, but as stubborn evidence shows that was not the case... I swear I'm trying but it's just such a weird uphill battle! Yeah, I know, I'm whining again. I don't know what to say beyond: I'll keep trying. I got a smartphone for Christmas (yes, I've been veeeeery far behind the times...) and that thing is quickly becoming invaluable - I've started to schedule everything (everything) and once I've worked out an effective everyday schedule I'll input "blog!" as well. I tend to obey external orders better than internal ones, so I expect if the phone tells me to sit down and write I'll actually do it. Hopefully.

I hate that thing - it keeps binging, beeping, buzzing and plonging- So annoying! But I will say my food seems to be served on time lately...

Anyway, on to Monster! Well... Not much in the way on news, honestly. Some times he'll handle a trigger like there's no problem at all, other times he turns into, well, a monster. The ups are great, the downs are depressing, and the huge variation is confusing and frustrating... But we'll get there! Right?

What? Get where?

I'm trying to get more organized with our training, which again the new phone is proving ridiculously helpful with - I still don't like phones, but clearly I have a place in my life for very small computers. I'm also thinking about trying weight pull/drag weight, but unfortunately Monster is still too difficult to be welcome at the local club so if I want to start that we're on our own... I'll read some more about it and look into equipment and then we'll see I guess. I just think Monster would benefit from more physical exercise, both mentally and physically...

Hey! What are you implying?!

I'm not implying, I'm stating outright that you're too skinny and what muscles you have are 80% in your front half... It's way past time-to-do-something o'clock. I also suffer near daily freakouts over your hips, clear x-rays be damned, so we need more muscles on you for my peace of mind too.

In other news... Yeah, still not much. Tilly spends a lot of time with us still, and they work well together now. Hopefully we'll get to start regular reactivity/social insecurity training with Teach again soon (that's been on ice for quite a while now unfortunately). We haven't been up north to my family over the holidays this year - wait, this past year I mean (it'll take me about ten months to get used to this again, and then for some reason it all starts over again quite soon after that...) - but I guess we'll need to go up soon(ish). Provided we can find something to drive, since Tin Can doesn't have many miles left in him... Anything else... Hmm... No, can't really think of anything, sorry. Hopefully (see, at least I've learned not to promise anything...) I'll be back tomorrow with a more day-specific update. And if you have a futurephone too, like awesomely futuristic me, you can take a look at Monster on (in? what's the correct terminology for apps? and why are they "apps" rather than just software programs?!) Instagram. User "monsterinmyhome" of course. (The first posts aren't in English - the very first post is an entry in a competition (for a car, fingers very crossed!) so it's weird, staged and makes no sense whatsoever out of context (it's a Saint Bernhard pun) - but lately I've tapped my way around the tiny, tiny keypad to make them bilingual. Since the point is the photos anyway I don't suppose it matters much, but anyway...) It's not the futurest of futurephones, nor the smartest of smartphones, so the camera on it kind of sucks - on the other hand the photographer has no skill whatsoever, so it probably evens out or something! And since the weird computer aversion doesn't seem to extend to tiny pocket computers you can also apparently use to phone people with I don't get a pathetic panic attack when I try to post something. Yet, at least... So, I'll hopefully see you here, but if not you can still get a small Monster fix on (in? at?) Instagram.

Plus the photos there aren't three years old...

I will be back tomorrow though! Surely...

Week In Review

You know what sucks? Let me give you a list:

• Migraines. Migraines suck. You know what sucks worse than migraines? When a migraine goes away, gives you half a day's relief, and then starts over again. That sucks.
• Miserable weather sucks. Yet another winter storm blows in, making it pretty much impossible to leave the yard for days - and for the worst of it impossible to even leave the house. Hurricane force winds with all kinds of debris make for a very nervous walk in open terrain! Not that it would be any more fun in a forest, admittedly...
• Cats. Cats suck most of all. Especially that cat I just peeled off Monster's face. Monster found a cat on our lawn when we came home from a walk, and it apparently decided that it should claim our yard as its own since instead of running away it fluffed up and started growling. I didn't see it in time, so Monster ran over and stuck his nose in its face - not trying to bite it, he seemed to be more confused and curios than anything else - and the cat just latched on and clawed him bloody. There are deep claw marks all over his face, including inside his nose, one of his eyes, and inside his lips. A neighbor heard me screaming and came over to help. The cat wouldn't leave! He had to chase it out with a stick (he didn't dare try to touch it) while I held on to Monster. As far as he and I could tell the cat was perfectly fine (and I didn't see Monster hurt it in any way), but it's a neighbor's cat so I'm sure I'll hear if it's been harmed after all. I just find it hard to muster up much sympathy for it. Monster's lived here for three years, the cats know perfectly well that this is his place, why can't they just leave him alone!? And this was a different cat from the one we've been having problems with who hides nearby and jumps out and attacks us when we're walking past... Cats clearly suck. Right now Monster is pacing around the house licking everything in some sort of stress reaction. He's licking himself, me, the carpet, the walls, everything. And when he calms down he'll no doubt start to feel his wounds... I'm hoping it looks worse than it is, I've cleaned them as much as I can right now and will go through them more thoroughly once he's calmed down a bit - hopefully we can manage with home care, but cats' claws (thank god the little orange devil didn't bite him at least - that I saw) tend to leave nasty and easily infected wounds... And I'm worried about his eye. We'll see if we'll need to brave a visit to a vet...
  
  

A what!? No-no, I feel fine, promise!

(Another thing which sucks could be that I apparently write like a drunk child when I have a migraine, but let's just pretend that didn't happen OK?)

Wow... Long Time No See, Right?

So, let's get the excuses out of the way first, OK? (I've tried not writing any excuses at all, but clearly I'm a weak, broken person...) I don't get it, I really don't! Is there something sort of like a "localized depression"? Where everything else is working normally, but when you go near a specific part of your life everything falls apart? Because whenever I sit down by the computer I feel awful! I get anxious and uncomfortable, none of the things I usually like to do online have any appeal whatsoever, the blog is a burden and logging on to a forum is physically impossible. Before starting this post I paid a bill that was three weeks late, because I haven't managed to log onto my bank for ages! I mean, what is this!? But clearly it's not something I can "rest myself out of", since absence has not made the heart any fonder. So, let's try the "power through" approach instead. Or at least, let's try to try...
(To be clear, I'm not equating whatever lazybones block I've stumbled into with a real depression! I know depression is a real and very serious illness, and I'm not trying to cheapen that - I'm just trying to explain a weird thing with a likeness, OK?)

She really is being super weird - she won't even chase me around with a camera any more!

It also doesn't help that my computer appears to be singing its last few verses... After replacing the hard drives (managing to save at least some data from the broken ones, thank the computer gods!) I believe there is also a problem with the mother board. I hate changing mb's! I'm not doing it, you hear me!? Stop messing about, and just shape up! Not only that, but I suspect there is a problem with the wiring in the house, which most likely isn't making the computer feel too great (and likely why a bunch of hardware started failing at once?) - not that I feel good about it either. These suspicions were strengthened by six days with no power in two thirds of the house... But I can not afford to completely rewire the house. And I do not do electrics! (My father worked in high voltage lines before I was born and for a while in my childhood. Presumably because of this(?) he has zero respect for electricity, and thanks to naked wires and wall sockets without coverings all over the house I was electrocuted three(!) times growing up. It's very painful, scary, and potentially fatal, and I don't even go near the fuse box these days without first throwing the switch to the entire house. Not going near a frayed wire, and if something goes "pop" I run for the hills. Thanks dad.) Fortunately, my sister (who largely inherited our father's personality - and who was older in our dangerous household and therefore only got electrocuted once) happily dabbles (she has some education in the area, so she is qualified) a bit, and managed to help patch up the worst. I now have power back (and according to her the house won't burn down, nor will I get electrocuted trying to make a cup of coffee... we'll see), but the basic condition of the wiring in the house is still just short of disastrous. Anyone know a good electrician who'll work for a cinnamon roll?
(Yes, I know "electrocuted" usually means dying from electric shock. But you try being five years old and closing a circuit in a wall socket between your left and right hands, and then tell me I'm exaggerating...)

I'm not coming out of here until you get me rubber booties!

In other words, even if I manage to overcome my weird (and admittedly ridiculous) mental block about being on the computer, I may still disappear from the blog suddenly. Because while the state of the wiring isn't dangerous to us living in the house, it doesn't appear to sit well with the computer (and a couple of other things - anyone want a stand mixer for a paper weight?) - and unless Santa thinks I've been a very good girl (hah!) there won't be a new computer appearing any time soon. Besides, it'd probably start failing too, right?

There, that was a quick bit of explaining, right? No? Nah, you're just whiny. But OK, let's move on to Monster then.

About time! I am the star, you know!

Things are improving, I feel. I wouldn't say we're without issues (heh, what a thought - what would I spend my time worrying about then!?), but I do feel they're a lot smaller. Let's see... On a good day, Monster doesn't react to bikes passing us (but bikes meeting us, where he has time to watch them approach and build up tension, will still get a halfhearted lunge or so), will pass meeting people and dogs without reacting even on the narrow bike path provided we can walk parallel to the road (about a leash length away seems to do the trick) so we're very clearly not meeting (although of course we still are, sort of). He has close to no issues with cars, trucks, motorcycles etc any more. He's so relaxed on the road now I don't always bother to call him to heel when a vehicle drives past, instead just letting him wander on a lose leash. The only thing which still bothers him about cars (and admittedly it bothers him quite a lot!) is when someone stops their car to talk to me. Something about this scenario drives him completely around the bend, and it makes no difference if he knows the person in the car. In fact I was talking to a neighbor for a while a couple of days back, and Monster was content to sit and watch the world go by as we chatted, but two minutes after we'd parted the same neighbor drove past and stopped to add something he'd forgotten, and Monster just went nuts... Clearly something we need to work more on, although it's not a very frequent occurrence. But anyway, while cars and other vehicles were never a very big part of the problem, I feel that Monster now being (mostly) just fine around them is indicative of his general improvement, not just around cars.

"Improvement"!? Are you saying there's something wrong with me?!

I also think that we've gotten over a sort of hump in the training, causing a positive spiral for once! Since Monster is easier to handle, (usually) isn't horrifyingly threatening to innocent passers by (as long as I'm paying attention and manage the situation so he doesn't go over threshold), is fairly happy to pay attention to me when we're out walking and likes to do some sudden, random training games (rather than spending all his time and attention on scanning the surroundings for "threats"), and (quite important!) doesn't seem to build much stress even when something does go wrong - where before a walk would be a lost cause as soon as he'd gone over threshold once, since his threshold would then be lowered to an unmanageable level - (this sentence has run completely wild, let's try to reel it in!) we can now be more active. We can go for longer walks, in more challenging environments, meaning he both gets more exercise and exposure to the world happening around him. And every time something happens around him and he doesn't react, he becomes a tiny bit more stable. I think. As a rule now we go for a ~2 hr walk every weekday which leads us past/through a train station. It's not a very busy one, and I make sure to keep to the outskirts (I don't want to get "trapped" with triggers approaching from several directions at once), but being able to it at all builds confidence for me and positive associations for Monster.

It's quite loud when the trains go past, though...

I've also started to let Monster off leash for parts of our walks! Only on weekdays (when people are more predictable in their activities, and there are quite simply fewer joggers, bikers, families out walking, etc), and only in areas with good, unobstructed views. Which means two sets of about 20-25 minutes each (at most: if someone else turns up Monster is recalled and leashed, naturally), which maybe isn't super duper awesome great compared to the freedom of some other dogs, but it's a heck of a lot more than Monster's been getting before (except when we've been to my family home of course, where he gets hours and hours off leash every day). I'm tense like you wouldn't believe while he's off leash, scanning the surroundings constantly, checking behind us for fast approachers, making sure Monster doesn't fixate on something (like a sound or smell I can't pick up), and if we'd ever had a failed recall or if he'd acted on true aggression (as opposed to a lot of blustering to cover up his secret scaredycat self) I'd never let him off leash in the quite densely populated (by my standards) area we live in. In fact, if he didn't himself take the initiative to check in, invite to play or training, keep himself close to me, and come racing back with a big grin every time I recall him, he would be leashed at all times. I think I'm doing the right thing... I can decisively say I have better control over Monster than many others do over their off leash dogs - but theirs' aren't Monster size. Or have Monster's (amazingly gorgeous) looks. Nor do they have Monster's reactivity. Well, some of them do, but I don't really care to compare myself with people who let their dogs run completely wild, shouting "he just wants to play!" when their little... adorable thing comes running up bouncing and snarling, circling around us and lunging. That's not "playing", people! Oh well. Right now my decision is that I have sufficient control over Monster off leash, as long as I make sure to monitor the surroundings and revoke the privilege in situations that become too difficult for him, to let him run free in carefully selected areas. It's giving me an ulcer and a constant tension back pain - because I do take his issues seriously and very much don't want to see an escalation; nor do I want to cause fright to anyone else - but he's so happy, and I have a huge grin on my face for almost all our walks now. I think it's good for him, and unless I have a reason to I'm not stopping! But I expect the length of text explaining and justifying this choice does reveal to you that it's not a very easy decision for me, and I'm aware that it's not completely without risks. The things is, nothing is without risk. Any dog can do something unexpected, at any time. No matter how impressive your dog's obedience is, you can never predict the kids throwing firecrackers at him, or the day his unknown brain tumor presented suddenly... All you can really say is "In this situation, with these conditions, I have reason [backed up by experience, preferably] to expect to have control over my off leash dog". "This situation" and "these condition" may vary from dog/owner to dog/owner, but I guess my position is that as long as you've evaluated what these mean for you and you make sure to stick to them, you're responsible enough.

... Right?

Absolutely.

Lately Monster's also been having a friend over to stay with us a lot! A dog owning neighbor's met a girl, said girl also has a dog. And my neighbor's dog, upon meeting her new would-be step brother, said "Let me just fix that pest problem for you!"... Since there's about a 5:1 size difference the situation is quite serious, and Tilly has a history of not really... appreciating many other dogs. She attacked Monster a couple of times when he was younger, and we're not talking about a telling off, we're talking about intent to injure. These days though, she's quite OK around Monster - provided I'm careful with food and treats, and some toys, since she has some resource guarding issues as well - so we've been her relief home when the couple are getting together. Monster enjoys the company, and after the first few times (when he was quite anxious and relieving nervous energy in less than constructive ways - it's not a good idea to make yourself more annoying if you want to ingratiate yourself, Monster! - and she was quite annoyed at his relentless activity and attention) they've settled in to the situation quite well. They play a lot, and Monster has learned to take it down a few notches since she's older and a bit stiff, and doesn't appreciate overly physical play (Monster is a tackler and wrestler if he gets things his way). There have been a couple of "arguments", for instance when I was being a bit scatterbrained and put down a bag of food next to them in a narrow hallway, but they're just "words" and no one holds any grudges. The only negative aspect I see is that it appears to be teaching Monster to develop a bit of resource guarding as well, he is now quite tense at feeding time as well (they're fed in separate rooms of course, but he is clearly aware of her), which is a bit unfortunate but not something I see as a huge issue - certainly not while it's not directed at me, which it isn't. I think Monster having regular company of another dog is good for him in the long run, even if the dog has a few issues of her own (but show me a 100% perfect dog - or any living thing). There is one thing which I consider to be a major issue though, and that's Monster's susceptibility to follow the lead of other dogs, coupled with his inherently different nature. Misunderstandings ensue... I've noticed (and been troubled by) this issue before, in relation to dogs back home. Monster is a guard type dog. There is a huge difference between that and the far more common watch dog type breeds, but explaining this to others (mainly the watch dog owners, naturally) has proved to be quite difficult. Tilly is a German Shepherd, which I think most people consider to be a guard dog type but I don't quite agree. I'd say it's rather a breed walking the thin edge, with big differences between individuals, and most dogs these day landing in the "watch dog" camp (but I'd say with a smaller radius than most watch dog types) as the needs and desires of dog owners change. Tilly is certainly of the watch dog type. The difference lies mainly in two things: when and how they react to approaching "threats". This summer when I was back home I had lots of opportunities to observe this. We were staying in a village of about 12-15 households, all of them with dogs. Most of these dogs are hunting dogs (many spitzes, basically the epitome of watch dog types), and many are kept outdoors for most of the day. All are either watch dog types or neither watchers or guarders, none are guarders like Monster. What happens in a village like this is that the dogs develop a sort of grapevine, where they will bark and howl at people moving through the village not only to warn the intruder away/warn their family of the intruder (which is the purpose of watch dogs) but also tell each other that something's happening over here, so keep alert and you'll soon spot it too. Growing up in a setting like this I've learned to understand a bit of this communication as well - I'm not claiming that dogs can speak, but I do maintain that you can understand rudimentary information from different barks and sounds. Like whether the "intruder" is a surprise or a regular occurrence (like the mailman's car), or someone known or a stranger (they will bark at everyone, it's not an expression of aggression), or if it's a horrible, horrible enemy (basically: the ice cream truck). (Although actually, Monster's arrival in the village prompted just such an "Enemy! Enemy! Enemy!" response from some of the dogs, to the point of waking up my brother at 4.30 in the morning - and promptly realizing that we must have arrived. So it's not just me claiming to understand what they're "saying".) (And by the way, check out the studies performed by The Family Dog project, many of them are fascinating, and at least one of them backs me up on people understanding some verbal communication from dogs. So there.) Sitting outside on the lawn one day this summer, I took the opportunity to really observe Monster's place in this system. He doesn't have one. Which isn't a surprise if you understand the basic types of dog and their respective behavior, but I find it interesting all the same. Monster doesn't "bond" with dogs that aren't part of "us". The neighbor dogs barking is barely interesting to him, unless they're really angry about something and he misunderstands and believes it's directed at him. The other dogs bark "I see something", "This is what I see", "Alright, it's passing me now", "I hear you've seen something", "Apparently something's happening over on the other side of the village", etc. They react and communicate about things they can see (or hear), and whether or not those things are actually approaching them or their territory isn't overly relevant. They see something within their radius of "I can see this far", and that's enough to react. Which is as it should be, sounding the alarm early means more time to prepare properly after all. Because watch dog types aren't supposed to do anything about what they're seeing. Their job is to warn, and then someone else can deal with it. That day on the lawn, the neighboring dogs would react as soon as they saw something far away (and tell each other about it). Monster would just watch. Someone walking a couple of hundred meters away would earn an occasional glance ("just checking you haven't started to do something bad"). Someone far away but moving toward us would earn a little more attention, maybe Monster would sit up (making himself a bit more prepared in case action needed to be taken) but provided they didn't get too close they still weren't a problem. People walking past on the road just outside the house could be an issue, depending on which side of the road they were walking on - one side was "too close" and Monster would stand up, clearly making himself visible to the "intruder", and anyone stopping to talk or pay attention to us or our territory would get confronted (Monster was on a line, so all he could do was bark and growl). Unfortunately I brought him with me to take out the trash once, and that made the bins across the road also "our territory" from then on, making him react whenever anyone got too close to them as well. But that's the point I'm getting at: Monster's radius of action is much, much smaller than your typical watch dog's. And the action taken is quite different: a watch dog will talk about it, a guard dog will act on it. Monster is a guard dog, but a problem I come across often is people expecting him to act like a watch dog - because that's what people are most used to they consider that the norm. That's not fair, there's nothing wrong with Monster because he doesn't react like a completely different type of dog! His behavior is perfectly natural, and while I certainly have no intention of denying that we do have some quite severe issues I get a bit annoyed when people expect things of him just because they're to lazy or self centered to grasp that different things can be perfectly normal for different dogs.

T: Is she going anywhere with this?    M: She's lost again, but she usually figures it out about here...

Right. So. That's one situation where the difference in type is clearly shown. But, what happens when you have a watch and guard type together, with the guarder accepting the watcher as one of "us"? Well, then the communication becomes quite important! The watcher sounds the alarm, and the guarder does something about it... Monster is subdominant and socially insecure. Pair him with a watch type dog, and he'll likely do something stupid - a watch dog will bark at anyone approaching, including friends! Monster, who doesn't understand levels of warning, will react far too strongly. Monster alone will approach visitors, and his adrenaline level will cause him to act in some very unfortunate/inappropriate ways, with jumping, bumping the legs, snapping at clothes, etc. He doesn't quite know how to react, what to do with himself, and he tries to do everything at once. It's my job to (try to) control him and give him direction, as well as make sure that he doesn't have to deal with people who will escalate the situation. Or simply separate him from the situation. I won't claim this is working flawlessly, but there haven't been any disasters and we're working on it. But. With a watch dog present, Monster gets immediate and simple direction. What he hears is "Intruder alert! Deal with it!"... In other words, I consider Monster to be potentially dangerous when paired with a watch dog. This is a huge problem when I'm for instance visiting my parents, who have a watch dog as well as a steady stream of visitors through the day. No matter how I try to explain that Monster can't handle Dory greeting visitors by running up and barking at them, this is making him dangerous, they don't want to understand it. Separating the dogs and letting them greet separately is considered ridiculous, not letting Dory out when I have Monster off leash in the yard works for about 30 seconds, and so on. This has led to me no longer staying with them when we go up for a visit, instead staying by ourselves in my brother's guest house, and I've made it clear that I won't be visiting at all unless we can make this arrangement. They think I'm being ridiculous and overreacting, and whenever we've gotten oh-so-very-close to a very serious incident with Monster and Dory vs. a visitor they just brush it off with a "huh, that's weird, why'd he do that" and refuse to learn from one time to the next that this isn't weird, it's perfectly expected and explainable! Aarrgh... OK, sorry about that, rant over. Reeling it back in again: Tilly is a watch dog type. She'll bark at people moving around the village, she'll rush barking toward the fence when someone's walking by, and she'll even greet her owner with hysterical barking when he comes to pick her up. Monster accepts her as one of "us" now. Which means that with Tilly in the house I consider Monster potentially dangerous to visitors. I have a strict no visitors policy when she's here (not that I'm a social butterfly otherwise...), and I'm uneasy about her behavior to charge the fence since it resembles far too much an actual attack and let's face it, if Monster ever wanted to he'd charge straight through that fence... I try to look on the bright side and use her behavior as a chance to train alternative behaviors for Monster in these situations, and I suppose that's going OK. Monster will now generally run along with her for just a few steps, before throwing a glance to me and fairly reliably choosing to seek me out instead for a game of tug, even while Tilly's still going nuts by the fence. So that's good I guess. I just remain uneasy about the whole thing, I suppose I think of her as a bad influence!

Yeah! Cause I'm super calm and sweet, and nothing's ever my fault, right Mom?

Something like that, maybe... Maybe not. Anyway, I've put a lock (well, OK, more of a "really hard to reach from the other side"-latch) on the garden gate, a sign on the gate warning of dogs running free and absolutely no admittance, as well as moving the doorbell from the front door to the gate (right next to the dog warning sign). I'm 100% solid on the "no visitors with Tilly here"-rule. The dogs are never outside unsupervised. Beyond kicking her out I'm not sure I can manage the situation any better? Besides, the last weekend she was here she went into heat - that was a fun three days! - and won't be returning for a while. Which is good and bad, it feels calmer for me but it's more boring for Monster, and I'm missing some training setups I can only do with another dog here. But, enjoy what you have and all that!

Well, of course: you have me!

Well, what do you know... Apparently, once I start writing there's no stopping me (as usual). Now it remains to be seen if I can force myself back tomorrow... See you!

Let's Try This Again

Ooooof... Stayed away for a long time again, right? I think (part of) the problem is that I write far (faaaaaaaaaar) to much when I manage to drag myself back to the blog again - it's not meant to be a series of novels, it's a blog! Occasionally posting ten-page stream-of-consciousness discussion is pretty much the opposite of keeping a daily record of our failures and successes - so let's stop doing that, OK? (Well, at least let's try...)

Here's what's been going on, as short as I can make it:
*Monster's bitten someone... (I wrote a loooooong paragraph here detailing the whole thing, but this is supposed to be a short summary so I deleted it again.) My mother was watching him and he jumped up at a visitor and bit her on the arm. She wasn't injured (no broken skin or lasting marks) nor particularly upset, and neither she nor my mother can say if he was angry or trying to play when it happened. They had no difficulty stopping him and putting him in another room, however.

*Monster behaved oddly toward my great aunt, whom he knows from before. Suddenly he acted as if she were the most dangerous thing he'd ever seen... The behavior stopped once she was in the car with us.

*I'm trying to look over our routines now that we're back home again and get something of a fresh start, trying to build better habits. It's not going great so far...

*We're having an issue with a dog owner who lets her dog run off leash along a stretch of the path we walk every day. The dog is guarding the path and appears quite actively aggressive (threatening body language, taking up confrontational positions, reacting from quite a distance, and so on), and the owner is clearly aware of this - if/when she spots us (or others trying to walk by) she'll race to catch her dog and/or call out for us to wait at a distance while she gets control over him. The situation feels quite bad and I've chosen to turn back rather than walk past a couple of times now - but it's not so fun to have an intended two hour walk turned into a half an hour slink-away instead... Maybe I'm reading the dog wrong and it's actually all "talk" and no action, but to me it does look like it intends to act and I am not amused. Monster also clearly finds the dog disturbing, as he actually "hides" behind my legs as we're walking past, pressing against me and peering sideways at the other dog. Which is allowed to stare unblinkingly at us with stiff body language while we're walking by - apparently catching it is good enough. Why is it off leash!? Along a quite busy hike/bike path!? Feel free to point and snicker at the glass house I'm sitting in, but I don't feel the owner is being responsible.

That'll have to do, now you're basically up to speed. Let's see if I can get to blogging regularly from now on... See you tomorrow then!

Wait, what's this - no photos of me!?! I object! There, that's better.

Bribing You With Monster Pics...

Yeah, I know: I haven't been posting anything for ages! Let's see... I've had my head stuck up Tin Can's back side (one of the shock absorbers broke in half and fell off - that's not serious, right?), I'm back on the crutches on and off (my ankle joint can't quite manage to decide if it's going to stay in or just bloody permanently dislocate), and, err... a monkey stole my computer. There, that buys me an excuse, right? No? How about this then: I've got my real camera back again!!!!!!!!!

Awww, ffff... fridge! I thought I hid that so well you'd never find it again...

And I found some photos on it from last summer I don't think I've shared with you! So what do you say, I show you those and in return you won't mention the whole blog neglect, "where have you been, you irresponsible whiner!?" type of thing, OK? Thought so, let's go!

Not everyone thinks Monster is scary, and he in turn loves kids - especially the teenage boy variety, they tend to agree about how to really play:

Oh, you were going to push me in the water, kid!? Heh, let's see who gets wet...

We went on a lot of walks in the woods, here's one that took us almost a whole day:

The terrain was pretty rough...

Up...

And over...

No match for me!

He was off leash most of the time, he doesn't (or at least didn't then, not so sure now) bother the wildlife and he doesn't range far from me at all - however the terrain can make it difficult to keep him in sight anyway:

Where's Waldo Monster!?

There he was!

*bouncing over the tall grass* Coming, Mom!

We discovered one thing that would drive Monster completely nuts: bogs! Back home you find these if you go up almost any mountain, they usually have a cold spring in the centre and while I sink to my knees (or more) in the peat, moss and black water and get so cold I quickly lose all feeling in my feet and legs, Monster loooooooves them:

Ooooooh... Can I, Mom?

Thanks!

See ya!

One more lap!

Not done yet...

Monster will just run and run, black water spraying up behind him. He'll keep at it for ages, occasionally collapsing on ground solid enough to keep his head above water (and muck...) to rest for a minute or two, and then off he goes again. It's awesome to see, and anyone who saw it couldn't help but burst into laughter - which admittedly weren't a lot of people, not too many bother to walk that far.

Well, that's all of the "new" photos... Actually, it's not but I can't find where I put the rest and I can't be bothered to look any more. I don't know why I've developed such a distaste for blogging (and answering correspondence - I'm sorry, my conscience is working on me, I just more or less panic when I try to sit down with my mail...), but I'm going to try to get over it. We've had another session with Teach again too, and I'll try to write about that sooner or later. But for now this is the most I can manage: we're still here, we're still working on Monster's issues (with some tenuous success lately, I think), and Monster is still the most awesome - and handsome - dog in the world!

Get. That. Camera. Out! Of. My. Face!

Finally!

After a year - a year! how could it possibly have been that long? - we've finally met Teach again! Tonight I'm tired but content, despite the session not going as well as I'd (naively) expected. We were working against a staged dog and her owner, and I found myself surprised at how strongly Monster reacted to them. Driving home I realized my expectations had been unreasonable, because I expected Monster to barely react at all. I'd built up an ideal scenario where the progress I've been noticing lately would be many times magnified in the training session. I was making two mistakes: I was relying on an effect from being out of our territory, since dogs usually show more intense reactivity in familiar surroundings, and not considering that Monster is very familiar with the training location too and already has a history of reactivity in this setting; and I wasn't giving any consideration to trigger stacking, not expecting the situation to increase in difficulty the longer Monster was exposed to his triggers. That was ridiculous of me.

Hang on... Are you saying I was a bad dog...?

No! Not at all! Monster did very well! He really did. I simply had unrealistic expectations. The difference from last time (I still just can't believe it's been a whole year!?) is absolutely fantastic, it's truly obvious we've come a very long way indeed. And we would've been lost without Teach (to find him look up top to the left), I can't stress enough to all of you out there struggling with similar issues how incredibly valuable it is to find a good trainer - if Teach is too far away from you

Oh, you poor people...

there's bound to be someone else nearby you can turn to. Just be very careful with finding one you can trust (we've been burned by bad trainers). But as I was saying, the session really did go quite well. While Monster reacted earlier and stronger than I had expected, these reactions were generally short in duration and low in intensity and he calmed back down quickly. There was very little aggression visible at all - none that I could see directed toward the staged dog and her owner (in his reactions to them he was overly excited and certainly unpleasant - think obnoxious drunk guy who wants to impress you - but it didn't appear to me he actually wanted to be frightening), but some directed toward a couple of men passing by just outside the area who pinged Monster's "uh-oh"-radar. He was a bit more easily distracted by his surroundings than I had expected, but again this was still a vast improvement from how he used to be. While yes, I did arrive expecting more than he could actually give, I left feeling very happy and proud. Monster is wonderful, and he did show it - and I may be stupid, but not so stupid I couldn't see that.

That's more like it!

And it was great to see how happy Monster was to see Teach again! I've known trainers who wants and expects the dogs they meet to dislike them (they see it both as a kind of respect, and a tool for the owner to better bond with their dog), and I'm never going back to that again... I actually expected Monster to be excited from when we got out of the car, recognizing the location and knowing we were about to have some fun, but he didn't show much emotion at all until Teach's car pulled into the street. He recognized the car immediately (I wasn't sure even after Teach got out, I can't wear my glasses in reactivity training since they'd just fall off all the time) and started wagging his entire body before it had even stopped. He noticed nothing else happening in the surroundings until he'd finally gotten to meet Teach again (and yes, obnoxiously jump up at him and slobber all over - sorry about that!). Monster really loves Teach - he doesn't quite have the manners to be able to let him know this in an acceptable way, but we're working on that after all - and if I needed another reason to feel like we found a trainer to put our trust in, that would be it.

Yeah... Soon as I'm done with my nap I'm gonna go find him again and see if he wants to play some more!

It was also a lot of fun to see Monster's reaction to the staged dog, an adorably happy and enthusiastic little Staffy lady. He just loved her, and she had such a lovely personality. Monster was quite interested in her, and mostly he looked very happy (interspersed with some frustration attacks). Hopefully I'll be able to one day get him to drop the drunk frat guy persona and teach him to be the nice, confident guy instead...

I can't heeeear you...

Now I think my ramblings for the day are done - I know this post is a little confused and long winded, but I really wanted to tell you that finally, finally we managed to meet with Teach again and Monster and I are both quite happy about it. And I'm really hopeful we'll be able to make some significant progress with his help again, especially since I feel Monster is in a very good place mentally lately. Famous last words and all that, but I'm feeling good about things looking up...

Uh-oh... I'll just hide under here until Fate hits you with that lightning bolt you're asking for...

Monster Says: Let's Go For A Run!

... And I say: I don't think so.

I'm very disappointed in you!

I know I haven't been posting much lately, sorry about that. But to be quite honest I did try - it just wound up being the same thing over and over; "woe is me, I have a broken leg, everything is so difficult, poor Monster, boohoo", and who wants to read that? (Well, all right, if there's one thing having a blog has taught me it's that there are people out there who get turned on by the strangest things, so no doubt there are people who actually would have liked to read that. But that's not what this blog is for, and I'm not that kind of "monstermom"... Did you know I can see what search words led you to my blog? Yeah, that's right, I know what you're doing. Now go away, there's nothing for you here. Freaks.) Whew, got that off my chest - now where was I? Right, didn't want to whine on about the same thing all the time, couldn't seem to focus on anything else. So I've kept a bit quiet. Until now! You see, now is my moment of triumph!

Uh-huh... I don't think you're using that word right.

Big news: I AM FREE! The cast is gone! Woohoo, time to celebrate! Let's go for a six hour hike! Except... Did you know your leg doesn't work very well after five-six weeks in a cast? I actually did know that, and thought I was prepared for it. Turns out I was nowhere near prepared... It hurts. But that's fine, I can deal with pain (not well, mind you, but I can do it). But the leg just doesn't work right, and the foot won't bend. And I'm so weak! When I was in the cast I thought it was difficult controlling Monster physically in case he went nuts, the cast was cumbersome and made me slow and awkward. But it was also something truly rigid to lever against the momentum, so once (if) I'd managed to get into position there was little chance Monster could actually move me. Now, I've got nothing. Sure, the leg moves more easily now than it did with the cast on, but it's basically useless. I couldn't hold a cat bracing against that leg. I can barely walk...

I've noticed.

The physical therapist told me to take it easy and do my exercises. I'll do my exercises, but the "take it easy" part is bugging me. Why, exactly? Surely the more I use the leg the faster it'll get back to normal? As I understood it I was actually doing a lot better out of the cast than expected (clearly we had different expectations!), due to the amount of walking I've been doing. Then more walking is better, right? And surely, using my leg and foot for their actual purpose - rather than doing some repetitive exercises in my living room - must be the ultimate training for atrophied muscles? But it's really difficult... The pain isn't really all that bad, it's like a bad sprain (except it's not just my ankle but all the way from my toes to my knee) plus exercise soreness (the walk from the hospital to my ride home, 3-4 ks across town, was probably not a good idea in hindsight), and I know how to walk through a sprain. Basically, you just grit your teeth and do it. But the lack of control and the strange weakness is a bigger issue - if I lose my balance even a little bit, I've got a very slim chance of correcting. I can fall flat on my face because Monster turned his head to look at something and the tiny tug on the leash caused an infinitesimal shift in balance - and I can't really shift my balance... You know what this is? It's annoying, that's what it is! I get so irritated that my leg just won't do its job. But still. Even though right now I'm actually even slower and less in control than I was with the cast on, getting the cast off is still a huge milestone! While the leg feels ridiculously stubborn right now, at least I can start working on getting back to normal. With the cast on, every day was just something to get through. Now, finally, I can start actively working on improving.

Hm. Maybe...

The PT also told me I mustn't limp, since that's just a leftover from walking with the cast and if I keep doing it it'll become my permanent walk. Lady, I'm not limping because it's comfortable - I'm limping because it hurts to put weight on my leg! But all right, I'm being very careful to not limp. Promise. Even though that means every single step I take is slow and thought through, and I basically wind up walking like a bride down the isle. It feels (and no doubt looks) ridiculous, but I'm not limping (much). I'm not using the damned crutches though, that part you can just forget.

Looking Back, I See Progress

Since I've been a bit negative lately, let's take a look at something I wrote almost a year ago (last summer) as a description of Monster, and compare it to how he is today. I was asked what it was like going for a walk with him, and this is how I described it:
What does he do when you leave the house?
He starts scouting the surroundings, searching for things to react to. His body is tense and his eyes are everywhere.

 

These days I look to Mom, to see where we're going and what we're doing!

How are his leash manners?
He does pull a bit, but it's gotten better. He's completely unaware of the leash, he gets tangled and stuck but remains unaware or uninterested in avoiding it - or even getting free. He just keeps trying to move forward, to the point of falling over if I don't get him untangled. 

That sounds really strange! Why would I do that? I know what a leash is and how to handle walking without getting tangled. And why would I pull you?

What does he react to?
Everything. Anything that moves, makes noise, or just plain exists - or may exist - is interesting. He reacts to different things in different ways, but he always reacts. Things he will lunge at are dogs, joggers, scooters, cars and cats; things he will try to chase are deer, hares, bikes, hedgehogs and cats again; he will freeze, fixate and stare at children, bags blowing in the wind, horses, machinery and rustling leaves. These are just examples, mind. He will react to anything. If there's nothing around he'll try to quickly get to a place offering a new view, like round a corner or a bush - maybe there's something on the other side. At worst he lunges and at best he's in a world of his own.

That sounds exhausting! Well, all right, I'll admit a lot of those things are still interesting... But I'm not crazy or anything, and I certainly don't wander around in a world of my own!

At what point does he become impossible to reach?
As soon as we leave the yard. I've tried to take the excitement out of it, tried moving the "border" further away, but he's completely on/off no matter what I do.

Naw... She's messing with you - she's got to be! No way would I flip out like that just from leaving the yard!

Anything to add?
Parts of our walk I demand he walks by my side on a short leash. He'll do it, but he keeps building stress and frustration throughout. Other parts of the walk I give him full length leash and he winds around in all directions to try to examine everything all at once (and in some areas I let him run on a long line, which actually makes him slightly more interested in me). It makes no difference if we walk the exact same route 20 times in a row, he never relaxes but keeps expecting something. Apart from training basic leash manners (which is more or less constant) I try to do short tricks and obedience here and there along the way, but he can't cooperate. Occasionally he'll focus enough to perform something very basic (like a 0.5 second hand target), if he realizes that's the only way he'll get to move forward - but he may just as easily just have a complete meltdown from frustration. Nothing works as a reward, except getting to move forward. This is a dog who - judging from the number of black eyes and nose bleeds I've ended up with - would kill for a frisbee. But out on a walk nothing is interesting, except for the entire world - which is too interesting.
From time to time I'll catch a small glimpse of the wonderful dog I know he is, but mostly he's an absolute nightmare to walk...

Oh, I get it! You're joking! Haha, very funny... Look, we both know I love working on tricks on walks! I keep the leash loose and I make sure to keep an eye (or at least ear) on you at all times - you might do something super fun, like a recall! And I keep pointing out anything I find, from sticks to someone's dropped glove, in case you'll want to reward me for it - or use it as a toy reward! And I'm fully aware of that bag of turkey meat you keep in your pocket...

Well, there you have it: a perfect example of why a written record can be extremely helpful. Without these notes, I doubt I'd think about just how difficult the simplest things were for a while. I wouldn't see the great progress we've after all made, instead just looking ahead at the goals we haven't reached yet - and getting depressed, because it'd seem like we weren't getting anywhere. After writing this blog post, I feel happy, and I'm actually looking forward to the progress we'll have made a year from now. Sure, Monster has some issues - some big ones, I'm fully aware - but that doesn't mean we're not getting anywhere! If you have problems with your dog, I can only recommend that you start keeping some sort of record of your situation. It's hard to see when things change, as usually it's not going to be through some dramatic breakthrough. And without noticing the little things - which over time build up to bigger things - you'll soon feel like you're going nowhere. And feeling like that, you'll probably make it true...

I feel free!

Me too, Monster!