Monster Gets New Clothes

So... I swear I meant to start up with the daily posts last time I wrote. But obviously that didn't happen...

Heh, you people are really gullible!

Aaaaaanyway.... Today we've been off to see Teach again. We were working against the world's tiniest Poodle! The cutest little fluff of black lint, at first neither Monster nor I realized there was a dog there - but she had a pretty big voice, and made sure she got noticed! She also seemed to share Monster's fascination with sticks, some of them bigger than she was. (Monster likes big sticks too, but when he goes after the ones bigger than him - which does happen - we're usually talking about still rooted trees...)

We could play together! I've got a great stick collection. I promise I'd be careful...

Unfortunately today didn't go very well. We've been having quite a few setbacks lately, and this continued to show in the training session. While Monster seemed OK from time to time, he also lost the plot completely several times. He was reared up on his hind legs (making him taller than me), snarling and lunging, air snapping, slamming into both me and Teach - you know, generally making a nuisance of himself... This is depressing, especially in light of the progress I've been seeing (imagining?) lately. Setbacks like this make me question if we're really getting anywhere at all, and while I know that's an overreaction born from disappointment it doesn't change how it feels. I know it's a very temporary slump, but right now I'm a bit disheartened.

Sorry, Mom...

But as Teach pointed out: Monster's behaviour - at his very worst in his current state - is no worse than you see a dozen small to miniature dogs behave whenever you go out on a walk. Monster's size (and, let's be honest, his looks) makes his behaviour a problem that must be dealt with, while owners of smaller dogs can - and do - ignore it and live with it. I'm not making excuses here, I am working on Monster's issues and I want to make him more pleasant for everyone to be around, but it helps put some perspective on my feelings of failure. At least I'm working on it, you know...?

I beg your pardon? You're working on it?

Anyway, Monster having a bad day in training gave me an excellent opportunity to test some stuff out! (Silver lining and all that, come on let's all be optimists!) I've been getting more and more desperate to find gear that fits Monster well, not to mention that feels safe. Being easy to use - and comfortable - is certainly no small thing either. But I haven't managed to find anything, no harnesses and not even simple collars are good enough. They chafe, don't fit right (understandable considering how many different body shapes dogs come in, "size" is never going to be enough of a descriptor), and most importantly: they break. That's not OK, and definitely not OK with Monster's issues... So I've given up, I can't find anything that works - most gear for large dogs just makes the item bigger, but uses the same strength/size of buckles, straps, etc, meaning they snap or break at some very bad times for us - and have decided to try making something myself!

Hah, you crack me up! You come up with the darndest ideas!

Now, what you need to know about me is that I have some serious spatial reasoning issues - we're talking genuine disability here - and I'm a complete fumble-fingers in all things crafty. So this is not a decision I've come to lightly... But what am I supposed to do!? There is seriously nothing out there that fits Monster and is safe - let's not even go near "easy to use". So, I've been mucking about a bit, and today I realized if I was going to try using gear of my own design it would be the perfect opportunity to do it in a training session! A chance for a solid test run in difficult situations, while there also being some extra security in it being (somewhat) predictable plus Teach was around to help if I'd need to grab Monster and needed someone to get some backup equipment... So, I spent all day at the sewing machine (well, a lot of time was also spent swearing over a seam ripper), and just made it in time! Take a look:

Hah, I've stolen the roll of nylon webbing, now you can't make a harness! Hey, waaaait a minute...

This is made of nylon webbing with some sort of soft plasticy/ruberry thingy underneath (it used to be a yoga mat, if that tells you anything). The straps are adjustable and connected along his back and under his chest, making it impossible to back out of.

OK, how do I get out of this thing!?

I'm not too sure about the "comfortable" criteria, Monster didn't exactly seem to love it - but he certainly didn't hate it any more than anything else he's ever worn...

You want me to model a collar too!? Right, I've had enough!

I made a collar as well, or rather I made that first since it's a great deal easier to figure out than a harness. I've reused metal parts from old, broken gear - unfortunately I only had one D-ring large enough to fit the width of the webbing so for the collar I reused a similar thing from a Rogz collar. Unfortunately that detail is the one thing I really hate on the Rogz collars, since the design creates a lever effect when the dog pulls, causing the fastening to dig into his spine... I need to find more D-rings, but that seems to be difficult if you want some larger sizes?

Haha, I'm free!

Anyway, the harness passed the test unscathed! It held Monster securely, there didn't seem to be any danger of anything giving out and all seams appear intact... How about that!? And if I do say so myself, it doesn't look too bad either! (As long as you don't look too closely...) I'm also very happy with it turning out so soft! There's one metal ring on Monster's chest (to allow the two shoulder straps and the chest strap to meet freely), and a metal D-ring between his shoulder blades to clip the leash onto. On the collar there's just a clippy-onto-thingy. That's it. The rest is fabric (and, you know, that plasticy rubbery thing - but that's really soft). Instead of buckles I've used velcro, and I'm very happy with that choice. I've made the velcro part quite long, and made sure it follows a curve. That way any force will move along the velcro rather than pulling at it, making it quite secure. This harness is just a prototype of course, I can see a lot of things which need to be fixed! But it is actually good enough to be usable right away, and I never would have thought I'd be able to make a usable harness if I had a hundred tries. Not ever.

But please don't tell my sister I broke her sewing machine, OK? Maybe I can fix it...

I knew it.

Finally!

After a year - a year! how could it possibly have been that long? - we've finally met Teach again! Tonight I'm tired but content, despite the session not going as well as I'd (naively) expected. We were working against a staged dog and her owner, and I found myself surprised at how strongly Monster reacted to them. Driving home I realized my expectations had been unreasonable, because I expected Monster to barely react at all. I'd built up an ideal scenario where the progress I've been noticing lately would be many times magnified in the training session. I was making two mistakes: I was relying on an effect from being out of our territory, since dogs usually show more intense reactivity in familiar surroundings, and not considering that Monster is very familiar with the training location too and already has a history of reactivity in this setting; and I wasn't giving any consideration to trigger stacking, not expecting the situation to increase in difficulty the longer Monster was exposed to his triggers. That was ridiculous of me.

Hang on... Are you saying I was a bad dog...?

No! Not at all! Monster did very well! He really did. I simply had unrealistic expectations. The difference from last time (I still just can't believe it's been a whole year!?) is absolutely fantastic, it's truly obvious we've come a very long way indeed. And we would've been lost without Teach (to find him look up top to the left), I can't stress enough to all of you out there struggling with similar issues how incredibly valuable it is to find a good trainer - if Teach is too far away from you

Oh, you poor people...

there's bound to be someone else nearby you can turn to. Just be very careful with finding one you can trust (we've been burned by bad trainers). But as I was saying, the session really did go quite well. While Monster reacted earlier and stronger than I had expected, these reactions were generally short in duration and low in intensity and he calmed back down quickly. There was very little aggression visible at all - none that I could see directed toward the staged dog and her owner (in his reactions to them he was overly excited and certainly unpleasant - think obnoxious drunk guy who wants to impress you - but it didn't appear to me he actually wanted to be frightening), but some directed toward a couple of men passing by just outside the area who pinged Monster's "uh-oh"-radar. He was a bit more easily distracted by his surroundings than I had expected, but again this was still a vast improvement from how he used to be. While yes, I did arrive expecting more than he could actually give, I left feeling very happy and proud. Monster is wonderful, and he did show it - and I may be stupid, but not so stupid I couldn't see that.

That's more like it!

And it was great to see how happy Monster was to see Teach again! I've known trainers who wants and expects the dogs they meet to dislike them (they see it both as a kind of respect, and a tool for the owner to better bond with their dog), and I'm never going back to that again... I actually expected Monster to be excited from when we got out of the car, recognizing the location and knowing we were about to have some fun, but he didn't show much emotion at all until Teach's car pulled into the street. He recognized the car immediately (I wasn't sure even after Teach got out, I can't wear my glasses in reactivity training since they'd just fall off all the time) and started wagging his entire body before it had even stopped. He noticed nothing else happening in the surroundings until he'd finally gotten to meet Teach again (and yes, obnoxiously jump up at him and slobber all over - sorry about that!). Monster really loves Teach - he doesn't quite have the manners to be able to let him know this in an acceptable way, but we're working on that after all - and if I needed another reason to feel like we found a trainer to put our trust in, that would be it.

Yeah... Soon as I'm done with my nap I'm gonna go find him again and see if he wants to play some more!

It was also a lot of fun to see Monster's reaction to the staged dog, an adorably happy and enthusiastic little Staffy lady. He just loved her, and she had such a lovely personality. Monster was quite interested in her, and mostly he looked very happy (interspersed with some frustration attacks). Hopefully I'll be able to one day get him to drop the drunk frat guy persona and teach him to be the nice, confident guy instead...

I can't heeeear you...

Now I think my ramblings for the day are done - I know this post is a little confused and long winded, but I really wanted to tell you that finally, finally we managed to meet with Teach again and Monster and I are both quite happy about it. And I'm really hopeful we'll be able to make some significant progress with his help again, especially since I feel Monster is in a very good place mentally lately. Famous last words and all that, but I'm feeling good about things looking up...

Uh-oh... I'll just hide under here until Fate hits you with that lightning bolt you're asking for...

Today's Cloud

Of course the reason for that was mostly because he was saving his reaction for the kid's dad, who was jogging behind. A sort of calm before the storm. Clearly the jogging man was much more of a threat - and needed to be treated accordingly... Monster did do something interesting though! He lunged once toward the man as he drew parallel to us (we were on a side road, where we'd run to when I noticed the pair coming up behind us), but as soon as his front paws hit the ground again he immediately did a turn away! So he showed both the old pattern of reacting with aggression but also the new pattern of BAT avoidance. I just wish he'd skip the first step completely - after all, if the trigger responds (if it's perhaps another reactive dog, or a human who wants to tell us off) no doubt he'll get stuck in aggression mode completely.

Well, if they respond they're clearly dangerous - so my reaction was warranted!

Monster Goes For Takeout

... Fortunately he comes back empty handed! This morning was another of my absolute nightmare scenarios: the line snapped. It didn't even have the decency to do it with a dramatic sound effect, at most I think there may have been a slight "fwip" as the tension in the line gave.

Yeah... My ears are better than yours, but I think my mind may have been on other things...

Just to demonstrate how Monster actually feels about hares, what happened was first one hare then another jumping up quite far ahead of us and running off. Monster fixated, started tugging on the line and trying to go after them. In typical hare brilliance the pair of idiots decided to double back and run across the path we were on - still pretty far away though - and Monster did another small lunge and the line just... gave up. Naturally, I took the most productive option of how to act: I panicked. At first he didn't race off, he just pulled further ahead of me in little starts and stops, and I couldn't decide what to do so I tried recalling him, telling him to sit, stop, and lie down. I may have thrown something else in there too... Naturally he lost whatever interest he may have had in me and raced off after the distant hares. I will say he got a lot closer than I thought he would.

That's cause I'm fast. A lean, mean, running machine...

Uh-huh, sure. That's why your tongue was by your knees when you finally came back, right?

Because he did come back, fortunately. He ran around for maybe a minute or so, within sight at all times (very open country), then he looked around for me who was "calmly" sitting down on the edge of an old well and came trotting back. As I saw him being interested in me again I got on my hands and knees (with a small scream - the panic had made me forget about my foot, which no longer bends the ways required to kneel down) and pretended to find something super interesting in the dirt, hoping he'd come investigate it with me. Which he did, but now I'm thinking he'd probably have returned anyway. But I really didn't want him to continue past me and onto the path behind us we'd just left. Ordinarily, I'd like to think I'd have the presence of mind to try the reaction I believe would be most likely to succeed, which is to turn around and say "let's go back!" while jogging (OK, hobbling) away from him. This is something which works - or should work - on two levels; for one it's a command we use in BAT, so he has a learned response to this cue in tense/exciting situations; for another he's fairly dependent on me and hates when I "abandon" him. But today this was not an option - going back was a direction I really wanted to avoid: behind us were a man with an infant and a dog. While Monster probably wouldn't have presented any danger for the man or the dog, based on past experience as well as knowing Monster isn't really driven by aggression, I can never feel safe with him around a small child. It takes so very little to severely injure a child that young, and Monster is so big and so clumsy and excitable... A lot of worst case scenarios went through my head in the short time Monster was running free, and while I know those were highly unlikely it was a risk I had no wish to take. But, happily, Monster just raced across the field after the hares and came running back to me again quite soon. He was happy - he'd had fun - and I was terrified. Sounds like a regular day now that I think about it...

Fun times! Let's do it again after I've had a nap...

Today's Cloud

I've said it before but I'll say it again: cats.

What!?! WHERE!?!

It's now official, cats really are more difficult than dogs by now. Today we were meeting a man and a dog so I hurried forward to reach a side street before they got too close, only to find a cat sitting in the middle of that street looking at us. Monster fixated completely on the cat, freezing up and staring, every muscle in his body tensing up. I couldn't get him away, I couldn't move him forward (why do nearly all cats just sit there calmly staring!?), and on the other side of the road was a passing, not very relaxed, dog. Monster knew they were there - he'd been staring at them before we came across the cat after all - but all he could spare was a quick look over his shoulder at the passing dog since there was a cat right there. Nothing beats a cat...

Caaaaaaaaaaat...

People think it sounds funny when I say I have a problem with Monster hating cats. I try to explain that it's actually quite serious, but nevertheless it seems all people hear is "silly"... But it's far from silly. Monster's fixation on cats is damaging to all other training - once he's spotted a cat his nerves are shot, he will react to any trigger simply to get an outlet for his tension. His stress levels make him unmanageable on leash, and he can't listen to a word say (unless that word is "cat" or "kitty"). And there are cats everywhere. I don't know what to do, I have no clue how to relax him around cats. I've tried BAT but haven't gotten it to work, I've tried classical conditioning but nothing works as a reward with cats at any distance, I've tried just standing out by the road for hours where I know cats pass by regularly (friendly ones, not the psycho cats who actually attack us), but nothing seems to make even a dent... I need to fix this but so far I'm lost. And blind. Possibly dizzy too. And the compass is broken.

catcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcatcat

Today's Sunshine

Time to pull myself together, no more ignoring the blog! Let's see... Today Monster had zero reaction to a woman working in her yard (wearing a rain poncho - that's a dedication to gardening I just can't find in myself) who called out a hello as we walked past. Later he ignored... No, that's not right, he was interested and even slightly tense, but he had a very small reaction to a man walking his dog who called out to us as we were walking away from them across a field - apparently we looked a bit like Lil-something whom he wanted to talk to - and even though the other dog also tensed up a bit Monster just let it go. Finally he stopped to watch a couple throwing a ball for their Rottweiler, looked at the rottie (who ignored the ball in favour of staring back at Monster) for a little while and then just moved along past them. None of these encounters were closer than about four meters, the dogs were at a greater distance. But this is still a really good day for us! Monster really is self-BATting, and it's amazing to see.

Well, you're not exactly good at it, so...

Today Monster has also sniffed a leveret across its back... It was hiding in that peculiar hare way - meaning it was keeping absolutely still without hiding at all - and we were out in the garden with Monster working an item search. Amazingly he was so focused on his task he had no interest whatsoever in the leveret. Clearly it wasn't the coaster he was looking for, so why care about it? Conveniently it (finally!) ran away once he stuck his nose in its fur, so he could check the ground where it had been sitting. No coaster there, so the search continued elsewhere... That was honestly absolutely amazing! I don't think he registered the fleeing animal at all, searching was far more important. If only I could tap into that in all situations...

Sshhhh! I'm on the trail...

Slow Progress, But Progress All The Same

So, still not a lot happening on the blog, right? Well, what can I say... While I didn't write much while I had the cast on, I still spent a lot of time sitting in front of the computer. Feeling trapped, more or less. Now the cast is off, and I feel free - or at least freer. So sitting down by the computer just has no appeal right now, and even trying to write something short and quick (hah, like that's a skill I have!) feels like doing a tax audit... But I should be stronger than that, so here goes an attempt at an update:

Can you believe this nonsense?! Like writing about me isn't the best part of her day!?

First of all, my leg (not because it's the most interesting, but just to get it out of the way). It's not going too well... Some days I can walk OK, especially uphill for some reason, but it's not exactly an even gait and it's slow. Other days - like today - I can barely hobble out to the mailbox. Pain is one thing, if it were just about pain I'm pretty sure I could force myself through it. But the leg - or rather the joints - won't work right. I'm going back to the PT tomorrow, hopefully I'll get some more effective exercises and also a timeline of what I can expect...

I'm boooooored! We barely do anything!

With that out of the way, let's take a look at Monster instead. He's doing... Surprisingly well lately! Just yesterday we were out on a "things couldn't be going more wrong"-walk, where everywhere we turned we were faced with others out walking their dogs despite it being our usual (carefully chosen) time and route. A one point we were squeezed in between two JRTs, a German Shepherd, and some mix breeds, all three groups moving toward us leaving no way out. I wound up limping and falling down a slope through some trees trying to get away, twisting my ankle in a rather unpleasant way, and later I found myself wondering if I'd even had to do that. Monster had seen all the dogs approaching us, and hadn't reacted at all - not even when I forced him to turn his back on them, which is normally not a simple thing for him. And my attempts to find a more peaceful way home were thwarted at every turn, other dog owners apparently conspiring to cover all exits. The biggest scare came when we turned a corner (and I swear he must have been waiting for us, I scanned that street across a hedge and a fence before we got to the corner and there was no one there, clearly he was hiding to jump out at us!) and came face to face with a man walking a bike and three dogs (no idea of breed, they were slightly smaller than Monster and black, that's all the impression I had time for) coming straight at us less than ten metres away. And as soon as his dogs spotted Monster they lunged for him! And you know what Monster did? He turned right around and walked back the way we came, not a second's hesitation and no prompting from me! As the dogs passed growling behind us, Monster didn't acknowledge them at all... So we waited a little while, and turned back again (that was our way home, and with my foot by then on fire I didn't have a lot of options for alternative, longer, routes), and when we got to the corner we met a man with a Schnauzer who started bouncing on his toes when he saw us. So Monster turned away again! Third time's the charm, right? Nope. Third time we tried to get around the corner, the German Shepherd from earlier turned up. This time Monster didn't turn around (German Shepherds are one of his big problems), but we were still on the side street even though we had nearly reached the corner so I decided to stay and let him watch rather than try to force him away. The Shepherd wasn't very pleased with his audience and focused Monster with a hard stare and tense body all the way past us, and Monster did give a small "woof" and a bounce (causing the man to give a disapproving "oh" comment in my direction, which is kind of funny when you think about how Monster would normally have behaved), but that was all.

Well... He was nasty looking! Plus he was ogling me.

And that's surprisingly often how our walks have been going lately - far better than I expect...

In other news, I went to a sniffer dog lecture and workshop this weekend. That was a lot of fun, and gave me some interesting ideas for some more organized training in that direction - Monster knows to search for my keys, wallet, phone and some other stuff already, but now I have better tools for developing whatever I want. I've started on sniffing for marjoram right now - just to try out the techniques, not because I have a dire need for a marjoram finding dog - and Monster seems to be appreciating the better organization too. He wasn't with me in class of course (it's not exactly fair to him or to other participants to have him threatening bloody murder on everyone present after all...), but I had him in the car in the parking lot and during breaks I took him out. At first just to let him pee and give him a break from the boredom in the car, making sure the other participants were nowhere near and no dogs in sight. But I quickly noticed Monster was amazingly relaxed, looking at humans and dogs with some interest but no agitation, and performing beautiful BAT turns if something became too much. So the breaks became wonderful training sessions, walking around in the parking lot, along the road, around the club house and alongside the training field. Monster only ever reacted once, when we turned a corner and another dog - also reactive - went nuts at the sight of us. Monster did tense up and bark, but then happily turned away and left and when we walked back the same way just a couple of minutes later he had no residual tension. The progress I think I've seen in our home village seem infinitely greater out of our territory... I don't want to talk this up too much, who knows how much is temporary and how much is simply imaginary, but I will say I'm cautiously hopeful.

Hopeful of what? Infinite carrots?

And so you won't think I've become ridiculously and uncharacteristicly optimistic, let's close on a downer: first my car won't run for ages, when it finally gets fixed I'm still too sick to do much, as I start to get a lot better I break my ankle, and three days after getting the cast taken off, someone or something cracks the windshield of my car... This has been a long, slow, frustrating and expensive winter and spring. The windshield isn't fixable, the damage is far too extensive, so now the question is whether or not I should get a new windshield put in or just scrap the car altogether (changing the windshield is expensive, and poor Tin Can is probably not long for this world anyway...), and I don't actually have the money for either option. To be continued...

We don't need no boring car - we can RUN!

Shhh, Don't Jinx It!

I kind of don't want to write this post... If I say it out loud (or put it down in print) it'll turn back to a pumpkin. But on the other hand, the blog is here for a reason - and it's about exactly this... So... I probably should tell you, right?

Oh, would you just get on with it!

Here's what we'll do: I'll pretend I didn't write this, and you all don't look, OK? Also, no talking about fight club! Here goes...

Too late, I already fell asleep...

The past few days, Monster has been incredibly good on walks. It started with people, on one walk we encountered five different men, three of them complete strangers, all actively doing something, four of them looking at us and speaking to us, and two of them moving straight toward us. All close (the closest at leash length). And Monster didn't react! He didn't ignore them, but he didn't react badly. He was interested in them, he stuck his head out to get a better sniff of the closest ones, but no snarling, jumping, lunging, growling - not even tightened leash!

Are you still going on about that? Let's have some peace and quiet now...

And then it started happening with dogs... Today we suddenly met two dogs coming around a corner toward us, fairly close (about 8-10 meters maybe). Monster stopped, I turned around and tried to call him with me - well aware that that wasn't going to work. Only to look down and realize he hadn't even hesitated, he'd followed me right away! So we turn onto a side street, trying for a different route to where we were going. Unfortunately the two dogs follow us, and at the end of the road we have to squeeze by a fenced yard along a very narrow path, and in that yard were two rabidly insane terriers. Well, I tell a lie, one of them was rabidly insane, the other one was "just" a high level fence fighter. Still, complete chaos. Monster is very clearly disturbed by the dogs, especially the one who is actually attacking the fence, biting and pulling at it while just screaming rage, then running off to build some speed before launching himself at the fence... I was hoping the owners would turn up and call the dogs (that was a lot of noise, and this was in the morning), but no one turned up. I had to choose between forcing Monster to squeeze by the fence or turn back and have him meet and pass the two dogs following us. I chose the fence, at least the dogs were separated. Monster did pull toward these dogs, but he was also very clearly trying to communicate. He did some quick (and only half finished) play bows, he looked away, he sniffed, he turned to the side, etc - it was all on turbo speed, and he was clearly both uncomfortable and overexcited, but it wasn't lunging and snarling! All right, there may have been some lunging, but we're working our way up from a deep valley here people, so give me this one, OK? After we'd passed the fenced yard we took a little timeout at a distance, letting Monster look at the terriers if/when he wanted to (they were still barking/attacking the fence) and sniff around and pretend to ignore them if he felt like that. When he was calmer we moved on, turned a corner, and of course there were the two dogs from earlier, heading straight for us again. We were not going back to the terriers, but with the stress Monster had just been under there was absolutely no chance he'd be able to handle meeting and passing these dogs (I know, like he could have done that if he hadn't just been wound up - it's fun to pretend though). So, off to the side of the path we go - we can't get far, but by then I'm simply aiming for a distance where I'll be able to physically control Monster, and hopefully not frighten the other dogs (and owner) half to death. But again he surprises me! He takes a couple of steps toward the other dogs but keeps the leash slack, he looks at them interestedly (but not tense, not the "scare stare") as they move toward us (still calm...), draw even with us (still calm!), and move away from us (what the...?). Monster keeps looking at them as they walk away, while I stand there more or less stunned just looking at him until I come around from the shock and decide we shouldn't stand around in the bushes for the rest of the day. So, we move on. And walk not even two minutes, before we cross a bike path and I suddenly realize there's a woman right there, walking toward us with her two dogs. The group must have been about 4-5 meters away from us, walking directly toward us. Monster? No reaction. It's like he didn't see them, but he's a dog - he knew they were there, he just didn't want to acknowledge them. By then I was exhausted from all the excitement, even if Monster seemed to be doing fine, so I set the course for home. And come upon some small, fluffy, bouncy thing (poodle-something?), trying to walk backwards (his owner was moving away from us - thank you, universe!) while barking, bouncing, growling and just generally behaving like... well, like Monster. While Monster seemed confused more than anything else, and didn't respond in kind. Now, if I had written this, and if you in turn had read it, I'd ask you: how about that, people!?! But I didn't. And you didn't. So I won't.

Of course, when we were aaaaaaalmost home a cat ran past us, and there went our peace. But let's deal with cats some other day, OK?

Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate! There was a cat here...

(Oh, and in case you're wondering: yeah, the leg's still broken. Working on it.)

Broken Leg Is Good For BAT?

Our awesome trainer came through for us and sent us some DVDs to relieve some of the boredom. I now have close to ten hours of BAT information to work through, which is - as I said - awesome. I have something marginally useful to do, and Monster has found some of the scenes very interesting too.

How come all those dogs are small, flat, and don't smell?

I find the DVDs both inspiring and depressing. The inspiring part is probably obvious: basically I want to make that kind of progress too, I want to get out and put it all into practice! So, since you all get that anyway, let's focus on the depressing parts.

Oh, come on, you can't be surprised!

Point the first: the dogs in the videos are ridiculously uncomplicated! Grisha says things like "You may have to start off at a great distance. 75-100 feet even"... That's where we are now - barely - and we started off at about, oh, 750 feet or so... And then there's a cut in the film and text informing us it's ten minutes later, and we see the reactive dog sniffing the trigger! Yeah, that's not happening with Monster. Look, I understand that these dogs are chosen because they illustrate the steps and the progress well, and they're not representing a set pattern or mold you can expect to follow with all dogs, but they're so mellow! I actually find it hard to believe these dogs have any real problems, and certainly not Monster level problems...

What are you talking about!? I haven't got any problems!

Yes, Grisha talks about bite history - Monster's possibly ahead there, as he's only bitten me when redirecting - so I get that there are other dogs out there with serious problems. But I still get depressed watching these super easy dogs (from my perspective) just fly through the exercises while at worst giving a small bark. Alright, there was one dog, illustrating the evaluation part (with a stuffed toy dog), who actually attacked and "killed" the trigger - something I don't think Monster would do - but to me Monster is still coming off as a... well, monster compared to these super friendly and calm dogs.

Point the second: God I've lost time! This is not a new realization, I know I'm far, faaaaaaaar behind the intended schedule. First there were the months up north last summer and fall, where there was very little to train against (not exactly a densely populated area) and what few triggers we came across were generally extremely ill suited for the purpose since there is quite a large disagreement between how I think Monster should be treated and trained (carefully, in controlled settings) and how people up there think Monster should be treated ("give him a whack", basically). Then, when I finally got back home, I was getting weaker and weaker. Turns out I had severe vitamin D deficiency, but before that was diagnosed and I started a treatment it was so bad I literally got lost on walks, couldn't remember if we'd even gone for walks or not, and I was so physically weak I had to crawl up the stairs and lie down once I got upstairs. In other words I had neither the mental capacity to plan and execute training, nor the physical capacity to control Monster's behavior if necessary. And once that was getting better I broke my leg! What the hell is going on, quite frankly!? Did I upset some deity? Does someone have a voodoo doll of me? Honestly, what is going on with my life?!

Hey, it's not just your life getting messed up!

Which leads us back to the inspirational part of it all. As I was taking a break from the DVDs and took Monster outside for a quick pee, I couldn't stand it any more. I decided to try some BAT training then and there - if I could only find some triggers. Right then, a neighbor's dog started barking. We trained against that (the dog was behind the neighbor's house, not visible to us). I spotted some neighbors down the street changing the tires of their car. We trained against that (they didn't seem to notice us, and Monster wasn't very interested at the distance we were from them). A cat crossed the road a couple of houses down. We trained against that. I remembered that a neighbor's dog has been charging the fence at us quite a lot lately, and winding Monster up a bit more every time. We trained against that (the dog wasn't there, just the empty fence). And this is where I tie it back to this post's title: It's difficult for me to handle any rough behavior from Monster right now, with a broken leg I don't have the agility or strength required to control him if he goes nuts - at least not without injuring myself further. What this meant was that I was actually cautious! I always try to push things just a bit more than I should. I'm aware of it, and I try to control it, but it still happens. Turns out a broken leg is a very good reminder! Every step I take reminds me to be careful, pay attention, and not push it. Excellent! Unfortunately there really are some serious drawbacks too, like how I can't pick up the pace to make a retreat quicker than an approach. And quite noticeably, when the neighbor's dog came rushing the fence after all, my ability to adjust to changing circumstances really kind of suck...

Where'd that come from!?!

But Monster totally surprised me! He did lunge, but somehow slowed down through the entire lunge so when he landed it looked like he was moving in slow motion. Then he stared at the raging dog behind the fence for a second or two, and then he veeeeery deliberately looked away to the side - almost back over his shoulder - and gave a huge yawn! My awesome little guy! (So of course this success meant I had to keep pushing it - apparently surviving the first lunge had gone to my head and the broken leg had become irrelevant - and I did two more approaches to the fence-mad dog... Fortunately I came to my senses and realized I was setting up for failure rather than success - as usual - and hopped back home again. No disaster, but not thanks to me.)

So, not exactly a very good training walk... But, I have to be honest, it felt good! And it was fun!

I thought so too! Can we go again?!

Right now I'm wavering. Should I try more even though I'm hobbling around on a broken leg (or even because I'm on a broken leg)? Or should I be more careful so I don't end up in a situation I can't control? Oh, who am I kidding, it's not as if I'm ruled by anything other than impulses anyway...

Today's Sunshine

Monster and I have been training with Teach again today. I won't claim any amazing progress, but I will say things are getting better nonetheless.

What're you talking about, I'm always awesome!?

Once again we were training against a staged person (as opposed to a dog), this time a repeat from last time. Monster was interested, perhaps even excited to see (and smell) her, but still managed to be quite difficult around her. He was both cautious and suspicious, sneaking around and eyeballing her, trying to distract me from the training by doing other things, and frustrated he didn't get to greet her properly and play with her, which took the expression of him going for the provoking bark ("Come on, interact with me!") as well as pulling my arm out of its socket (well, alright, nearly) to get to her, and refusing to step away from her once he got close enough to touch. All in all I'd say no one watching who didn't know Monster's history would believe today was anything other than a long display of bad and discouraging behavior.

Oh really? I want to have a word with those people...

But, Teach pointed out something important. While Monster is still scanning the surroundings for various (non-)threats, eyeballing everything from a plastic bag blowing past to a man talking on his cell phone as he walks by, as well as lunging for the annoying seagulls (my fault, I drop half of Monster's treats on the ground - coordination and fine motor skills not being one of my gifts) and attacking me and the leash regularly (playfully... well, sort of), this is nothing compared to how it used to be. I don't know how many dogs passed by today, but it was quite a few - Monster was basically fine with them (as long as the situation was managed with increased distance and treats). A group of children walking by began hissing and grimacing at Monster (I assume it was some kind of dare), and all Monster did was bounce a little and look at them, while continuing to walk with me. Cars, bikes, baby carriages, motor bikes, men, women, children, dogs, all of it was processed and for the most part ignored by Monster. While training went well enough today, that little detail really tipped it over into much needed awesomeness today.

Woohoo, no more sulking!

Then there was that damned cat of course...

Today's Sunshine

We did some BATting against a couple of cats today - that's the level of challenge I feel I can handle currently. It went fairly well, at least as long as they kept still. He was still far too interested in them, but later when he spotted a cat moving at a greater distance I think he chose to ignore it much easier than he normally would have.

That's progress, right?

Why can't I play with the cats? They look cuddly! (... and tasty...)

Today's Sunshine

Monster and I had a great time in training today! Monster was in a great mood, attentive and interested, albeit a bit bouncy and bitey - in a playful way with the leash (oh alright, also with my fingers). Yet another new stranger to first BAT against and then go up and sniff. This time we even did formal greetings, where he was asked to walk up to her and stick his nose in her cupped hands and then return to me for reward and praise.

Fun, a new person to slobber on!

It all went great, and time just flew by. Sure, occasionally Monster became overexcited or frustrated and started bouncing and barking, and he did do some of his lovely piranha attacks where he jumps straight up from nowhere, but he never connected (although he did slam into a plastic chair making a sound which uncomfortably reminded me of a crushed skull, nearly stopping my heart), and he clearly meant to be playful rather than aggressive.

I have to say I'm impressed with this stranger too, who more or less laughed at me when I was concerned Monster had scared her (or hurt her) by jumping at her face. I'm so used to people hating or fearing Monster that her attitude completely threw me. I know he isn't even trying to connect, but I understand it looks quite different when he's flying towards you - and you don't even know him other than as a dog who is in special training for aggression issues. Nerves of steel...

And I really wish everyone could find a trainer to help them like Teach helps me and Monster! The progress we've made in the past months is really amazing, and Teach never runs out of new things to try. We've been very lucky to meet him!

Plus he's fun! And he gives me treats, and I can still get him to flinch sometimes! Best toy ever!

Of course all Monster's inappropriate behaviors need to be worked on, I can't have a hundred pound dog who greets people by jumping up and head butting them in the face. I know today wasn't perfect. But it was a lot of fun, and an amazing success. I much prefer having an overeager bulldozer rather than an aggressive ball of suspicion.

Who are you calling bulldozer!?!

The only time he showed any suspicion was when she put her hoodie up, which made him tense up and react. But he recovered beautifully and held no grudges after that.

Today was such a fun day!

Today's Sunshine

On our morning walk today, Monster and I managed a very good spontaneous BAT session against another dog.

It turned up fairly suddenly, moving toward us, and I quickly turned around and walked Monster back where we came from. When we got to a crossroads where I could choose a different direction I turned us around toward the approaching dog again. Monster looked up, spotted it, and in a split second turned back around and started moving away, looking back at me as if asking why I wasn't following. I let him out on a long leash and walked a dozen feet or so before asking him to turn around again. He did, he looked at the dog again and then looked up at me and walked away. Pretty much perfect!

Seen it. Let's go.

Today's Sunshine

We had a new training session with Teach this afternoon. It's been two weeks since last time, and while I'd love to claim Monster and I had made great progress in that time that is of course not true. We did make great progress in the session, though!

I'm sorry, are you implying this is a surprise somehow?

When we got there Monster was still pretty agitated, very focused on the happenings in the surrounding neighborhood, staring and on his toes. He lunged at Teach's face a couple of times (not trying to connect, just making a point), he bit me (not hard, again just making a point) which really surprised me, and was generally very difficult and backslidery. In spite of that we quickly worked our way up close to a staged person. Once there, Monster was allowed to sniff. Then he was allowed to interact, first taking treats she threw on the ground, then calmly eating straight from her hand!

Give me that turkey, human!

I have to hand it to her, she was great at being a Monster guinea pig! She was very careful to not look Monster in the eyes, consistently turning away while at the same time feeding him treats (I'm always impressed with people who can multitask and coordinate their movements, two things I fail at completely). When the treats ran out Monster would try to seek eye contact with her (amazing!), stepping around and trying to find an angle where she'd look at him, but she resisted him (also amazing, resisting Monster is another thing I suck at!).

Why wouldn't she look at me, I'm the cutest thing in the world!?

We did this approach multiple times, Monster walking toward her calmly, accepting treats from her calmly (well, there were some attempts to get to know her better, but nothing unmanageable and nothing aggressive), and then letting Monster choose to walk away from her when she stopped interacting with him. I'm not sure how long we were at it, or how many greetings we did, but not once did Monster act up. (Teach made sure to stay at least partially between Monster and... Guinea Girl at all times, just in case.)

Next time I'm getting a kiss!

She wound up quite slobbery toward the end, but I suppose that's how it goes for Guinea Girl... (She should have her own superhero comic, I can't believe there isn't already a Guinea Girl out there! ... Don't tell me if there is one...)

In the end, it was a pretty awesome and successful day. I really needed that, I've been feeling a little down lately about our chances. I think poor Teach may have thought I was a bit pessimistic and dour today, but I just had problems processing what had happened. It really went great!

Of course it did, silly. Thanks to me!