Today's Sunshine

Let me tell you something: I love being single. Love! It! And I know, a lot of people reading this are going to shake their heads and call me bitter, or maybe just in denial - because we're meant for that ideal fairytale pairing; it is the only way to truly find happiness! Yeah, right... Look, if you're in a relationship and you're happy, good for you. I'm happy for you! Still don't want it for myself though. And there are a lot of reasons why, but since this is a dog blog I have something specific in mind right now: because I live alone I don't have to explain and justify to anyone why there's a big inflatable double mattress taking up most of the floor space in the living room! (Yeah, one of those uncomfortable things you give to guests you don't want staying very long...) There's no argument over how sensible it is to have this big, ugly thing in the way for something as "silly" as dog exercise. Nope, all my decision. And it feels great!

[I meant to put a picture of Monster on the mattress here, but since the computer crash has led to me not having the software installed to process the photos right now an old, non-apropos photo will have to do.]

Just cause I'm pretty!

I bought one on sale, and I've inflated it just to the point where it keeps its shape but is still quite soft, and I have Monster move and perform on it. He is quite poorly muscled, especially in the rear, and that becomes a negative spiral where he puts more weight in the front because he's weak in the back, further underdeveloping his hind quarters. That's bad for him, and since we live where we live (no forests here, limited off leash opportunities, mostly roads to walk on, etc) I have to try to find an artificial way to force him to use his hind legs more and hopefully build some muscle. I can't tell you yet if it's working, but I can tell you that I truly appreciate the freedom to just do as I please and occupy a large part of the living room "just" to build a gym for my dog. Plus, when the exercise is over I can just plug it in and inflate it some more, ant it becomes a comfy (according to Monster) dog bed! Not sure how long it's going to put up with his claws, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it...

And not to send you to couples' therapy or anything, but... Think about it - don't you want a dog gym too?

If I run in the tall grass more, can we keep the mattress comfy all the time?!

Today's Cloud

Bit of a rough day today. It started off fine, except Monster seemed a bit unfocused and a little all over the place. As we went for a walk I noticed he wasn't winding down between stress exposures, and while he handled the first few things (like a bike passing, small things like that) fine he kept building from one to the next. I don't know why he couldn't relax between incidents today... I decided to be careful and avoid as much as we possibly could, but still continue on with our walk - I think it's important to avoid isolating him as much as possible, but I also know that bad experiences are far worse than no experiences. It's a tricky balance sometimes... 

Maybe I have a headache? I've got a big head, you know...

While we did manage to avoid most triggers and sources of stress along the way it's not possible to avoid everything, and today even the smallest thing became another straw on Monster's back. After about an hour and a half we were on our way home when we met two women out walking with baby carriages, and I knew I couldn't rely on Monster behaving himself around them so I got right off the path and gave them (I believed) plenty of distance. Unfortunately it wasn't enough, and as they drew level with us (only about five meters away, but with a two meter height difference I expected to make all the difference) Monster started lunging and barking toward them - fortunately they just smiled at bit at us and said hello, but I was still deeply ashamed. Threatening behavior around babies (although in Monster's head it's directed at the strange, bulky things people are pushing ahead of themselves like battering rams) is just a step too far, and since I knew Monster had been acting kind of weird all day I should have hared off far enough we could barely be seen... Live and learn I guess, but the question is: am I really learning? I seem to still be making a lot of mistakes.

Today's Sunshine

We've had an absolutely wonderful walk today, and in glorious weather! Not only was it a nice walk, but it provided us with some excellent training opportunities:

• We met a woman with a dog coming toward us on a path I meant to turn onto. Instead we walked a little ways away, and then I turned and led Monster back in a half circle around the meeting. This is a pair we see out and about fairly frequently, she's a power walker (good grief she moves fast) and has a large male Golden Retriever (I think) on a Flexi lead. He doesn't much like Monster (understandable) and they're a fairly difficult trigger for Monster. Today he had no problem turning away from them, engaging in other things as we circled around them (sniffing instead of staring), but was a bit interested in them (turned back to look several times) once we were back on the same path and moving away from each other. Not the smoothest passing in the history of dog walking, but with Monster's issues and his particular history with extreme reactions toward this particular dog it was downright marvelous. I'd estimate we were about... seven meters apart at the closest.
  
• We met a biker coming toward us on a narrow bike path (approximately 1.5 meters wide or so), Monster noticed it while it was still far away and became quite interested. When the bike was ~20-30 meters away I steered Monster to the side and stepped into the grass beside the path. Monster kept his attention on the bike, but kept moving forward. The bike passed without problems, I even looked up and said hi, and it was less than one meter away (with me in between Monster and the bike).
  
• As we turned a bend in the path we spotted a person walking toward his parked bike, who then led the bike around, got on, and started biking toward us. Since this was a bit more unusual (Monster likes things to be one thing or the other, not several things at once: a moving car is OK, a parked car is OK, a car that first moves and then stops is suspicious, for example) I not only stepped off the path, but also over the ditch to create more of a distance. It seems to me a lot - not all, but in at least some ways something like ~75% - of Monster's issues are linked not so much to distance as to borders. If he's on a road and you're on that same road, there's two of you but only one road: clearly you're going to kill him for stealing your road. Similarly, if both of you are in a fairly large field there's still just one field - conflict. But if we step off the road onto the shoulder: you have the road to yourself, and we have the shoulder. Fine, no conflict, and we can pass each other a lot closer than he'd be able to if we shared that large field. So in this case, with the "weird" biker (remember him?) we not only left the road, we stepped across a very clear separation (the ditch) between the road and the edge of a field. No conflict, the biker had the road to himself and therefore wasn't a threat... We passed each other calmly.
  
• As we got to the station some construction workers had blocked our usual path, and the only one open to us (other than turning back) led us quite close to a couple of guys working on a wall. I took Monster in a steady grip, kept my pace even, and led him straight past (Monster unfortunately on the side closest to the guys). One of the guys turned toward us, but I caught his eye and shook my head as I gently praised Monster - and we walked straight past!
  
• Final one: We walked through a neighboring village when a car came driving up behind us veeeeery slowly, with something-or-other screaming bloody murder inside the engine (or wherever: what I know about cars you could fit onto a stamp!). I thought there was no way Monster would be able to handle it, but he looked up at me with a slightly anxious look and I calmly (faked! so, so faked!) praised him and told him to keep walking. Which he did! Only the car just passed us and then it stopped... It turned out to be a service van for... err... one of the electricity-thing-boxes-whatever you see on some streets? And a couple of men got out and started to unload a bunch of tools. It was a very narrow street, and big men loudly handling strange tools are close to the worst thing Monster can think of (the two top things on the list are: 1) Anyone Mom's angry with; and 2) A man walking toward us with angry voice). I'd stopped as soon as the car stopped ahead of us, to evaluate the situation and decide how to handle it, but it was clear that they wouldn't be moving any time soon... So, for whatever reason I decided the situation was manageable and we set off walking forward again. As we drew level to the car Monster was less than half a meter away from the nearest man (with me in between) - who turned toward us and said "That's not a small dog!"... I mumbled something (I have no idea what I said) without taking my eyes off Monster, every hair on my body was literally on end - very weird feeling! - I was so tense, and just kept walking past. No problem! Super cool Monster! Well, maybe not cool exactly. But instead something far more important: concerned, but looking to me for guidance! Wow. What a feeling! I think I bounced on happy clouds all the way home...

(And to everyone claiming dogs can "psychically" feel how you feel, and if you have a reactive dog that's just because you are projecting nervousness and in order to have a calm dog you need to be calm: that's not true. Not only is it not how you feel but instead how you act, it's actually perfectly possible to have a reactive dog if you're half asleep and about as revved up as Eeyore. And you can totally fake calm. Don't tell people to relax, stop shortening the leash around triggers, stop scanning  for potential surprises, and so on. I hate that advise! It's dangerous to give a reactive dog a slack leash, it's dangerous to not pay attention and get a surprise. A dog's behavior is not in the head of the owner! A dog is its own living, thinking being, and while our behavior (note behavior; not beta waves) can certainly affect theirs, they're not an extension of our own consciousness. There is a lot of ridiculous advice out there (usually from people who once had a teenaged dog act up once or twice which they then "fixed" due to their exceptional dogsmanship... yeah, right, pull the other one...) and a lot of it is certainly quite harmful, but this type of advice is the most tiresome. Acting calm is important, but feeling calm isn't. If you have a dog like Monster you have good reason to not feel the least bit calm, and you don't need to work on meditation, calm breathing, or any of that - not unless you can't separate your feelings and you actions. On the contrary, not feeling calm keeps you alert. I say, fight the calm nazis!)

Dude. Chill! Want a taste of my stick?

 And really. What is it with people and the weird size comments!? I know I'm not alone (I found an old blog post from another CC-owner listing strange comments and questions he'd heard on walks), so apparently a lot of people feel the need to comment on a CC's size (and probably other large breeds too?). "That's not a small dog!", "What a big dog!", "That's just a puppy, right? hehehe", "Where's that dog going to walk you?", "What's that Great Dane mixed with - a horse?", "Are you sure you're feeding that thing enough?", "Couldn't you find one in a bigger size?", "Do you have an elephant farm?", "Look at the tiny puppy!", "Oh, aren't you just a precious little doll?", and so on, and so on... Why? Is it an expression of discomfort, they're afraid of him and try to find safety in humor? Because he's smaller than a Great Dane, for instance... I honestly find it a bit weird.

As long as they note my beauty, it's all good with me.

Today's Cloud

I keep thinking there's something... "off" about how Monster moves. I can't pinpoint what it is (I'm truly hopeless at spotting gait asymmetries) but I can't shake the general impression that there's something a little wrong. But at just under two years of age I had him X-rayed for his official joint certification: clear elbows, clear hips. A year later I had him X-rayed from head to tail to look for abnormalities: completely clear. He's been examined by two separate orthopedic specialist veterinarians, at two different clinics: nothing wrong with him. I have to accept that I've really done what I can to find out if there's anything wrong, and that people with years and years of professional experience tell me that he's fine. But. I just... I can't shake it, he moves weird! I'm so incredibly worried that he's in pain somewhere. It's exhausting! But what if I am missing something after all...?

Would you relax?! Oh, and quit walking behind me to stare at my butt as I walk, it's weird!

Perhaps this is what you get when you lose much loved dogs to hip and elbow dysplasia? Perhaps it's because of Monster's mental issues, and I'm just searching for something physical to "fix" for him? I don't know... But I think I have to stop. I have done the best I can with what is at most very vague symptoms (and perhaps most likely nothing at all). I've taken him to the vet's - I've taken him to several vets. If there's truly something wrong I'll have to let it become worse (and therefore diagnosable) rather than hold my breath at every stumble. It's just... It's not so easy to just stop worrying, you know?

Today's Sunshine

Since we haven't been doing much there isn't much to talk about, but I can at least say I'm so happy Monster enjoys nose work so much! I have managed to spend some time with him outside to search for hidden items in the garden, and it's always nice to see how much fun it is for him. He may not have the most efficient search pattern (he does a very cursory sweep of the area at first before settling down to search more carefully - not necessarily a bad idea in case that would ever get him anywhere, but I don't think he ever manages to cut any corners), and he is perhaps more enthusiastic than thorough, but it's absolutely great to see him work through piles of rubble and try to climb up trees to find a little plastic coaster! And he does it even with fairly big distractions around. If my headache wasn't so bad I'd have laughed out loud just from happiness at seeing him work (and he's so enthusiastic! it doesn't matter to him that he's been asked to search through a dozen or more dead ends - he sure it's going to be in the next place we look). He's the most amazing dog I could ever imagine having.

*sniff*   *sniff*   *sniiiiiiiiff*   ... Yeah, we're definitely getting closer!

Today's Cloud

Woke up with a pounding headache this morning, and it's stubbornly stuck with me all day. It laughs at painkillers. Going for walks has been agony, and playing with Monster has been nearly impossible. I also worry that it affects my attention and I'll miss an approaching trigger... Today has been a brightly sunny day, which is a rare thing in dreary November, and add that to it being Sunday it means there has been an unusual number of people out and about. I've cut the walks down to a minimum, most of them less than half an hour long and only one more than an hour. We've had some close calls and I've had to adjust our intended route quite a few times, but fortunately we've managed to keep the distances Monster needs. I do my best on days like these, but they really gnaw on my conscience. I can't explain to Monster why I'm so lazy and boring, and no doubt the pain also affects how I treat him (it's hard to be patient with barking when your head seems to be about to explode, for example).

Come on, let's play!

It also makes today quite a missed opportunity, since the nice weather and the few hours of daylight this time of year means a lot of simultaneous activity all around our house. Excellent chance to train focus and calm around distractions, while in a controlled environment. Sigh...

Today's Sunshine

Today has turned out better than I dared to hope yesterday. Monster is certainly a bit more tense, he's very alert and reacts to any unexpected noise (we're talking bird song levels here, not car alarms), but it's not the disaster I expected. In fact, on a walk today we met a large man on the road, dressed in a huge jacket and carrying some sort of tool - that's a lot of danger for Monster. I probably should have turned right around and gotten out of there, but I kept an eye on Monster and kept walking instead... He was quite interested in the man, and I could tell he was getting closer to the edge where curiosity would turn into something else, but he was holding it together. When we got close to passing the man I gently steered Monster a little to the side, out on the grass shoulder, and encouraged him to keep walking. No doubt I was very rude to the man as I wouldn't take my focus off Monster for even a second to look up and say hi, but I really needed all my attention on Monster right then. And we did it! Monster walked right past without a single warning sign; no stiff legs, no staring (but certainly a lot of looking, which is a different thing), no tension in his face, nothing!

I earned this carrot, people!

Unfortunately, maybe ten seconds after we'd passed each other the man turned around (forgotten something?) and started following us. This is not good, and I so didn't want to end that success with a miserable failure! After a moments hesitation I decided to turn back with Monster too and pass the man again - better to deal with it quickly than let tension build and make it even worse. (As I'm sure you know people walking dogs (on leash) walk slower than people walking alone, because dogs do a lot of quick pauses along the way, so the man would have caught up with us.) So I turned Monster around in a small circle - winding up with him closer to the man on the road than I was - and started walking back, this time praising him nonstop (I usually keep quiet in most tense situations, since even encouragement can tip Monster over) - his body language was flickering between tense and playful, and I tried to encourage the playful side by using voice and words usually used in high energy training. It was a gamble, but it payed off. Monster walked right past the man again! A day of miracles... Of course, then the man turned back around again!

. . .

No, just kidding! He walked off, and we kept walking the same direction for half a minute or so before we turned back around again and continued our walk. You know, my family is into extreme sports, like scary movies and so on, which I just don't get. They think my life is boring. Hah! My adrenal glands get all the exercise they need, believe me...

Well, you named me Monster...