Today's Sunshine

We've had an absolutely wonderful walk today, and in glorious weather! Not only was it a nice walk, but it provided us with some excellent training opportunities:

• We met a woman with a dog coming toward us on a path I meant to turn onto. Instead we walked a little ways away, and then I turned and led Monster back in a half circle around the meeting. This is a pair we see out and about fairly frequently, she's a power walker (good grief she moves fast) and has a large male Golden Retriever (I think) on a Flexi lead. He doesn't much like Monster (understandable) and they're a fairly difficult trigger for Monster. Today he had no problem turning away from them, engaging in other things as we circled around them (sniffing instead of staring), but was a bit interested in them (turned back to look several times) once we were back on the same path and moving away from each other. Not the smoothest passing in the history of dog walking, but with Monster's issues and his particular history with extreme reactions toward this particular dog it was downright marvelous. I'd estimate we were about... seven meters apart at the closest.
  
• We met a biker coming toward us on a narrow bike path (approximately 1.5 meters wide or so), Monster noticed it while it was still far away and became quite interested. When the bike was ~20-30 meters away I steered Monster to the side and stepped into the grass beside the path. Monster kept his attention on the bike, but kept moving forward. The bike passed without problems, I even looked up and said hi, and it was less than one meter away (with me in between Monster and the bike).
  
• As we turned a bend in the path we spotted a person walking toward his parked bike, who then led the bike around, got on, and started biking toward us. Since this was a bit more unusual (Monster likes things to be one thing or the other, not several things at once: a moving car is OK, a parked car is OK, a car that first moves and then stops is suspicious, for example) I not only stepped off the path, but also over the ditch to create more of a distance. It seems to me a lot - not all, but in at least some ways something like ~75% - of Monster's issues are linked not so much to distance as to borders. If he's on a road and you're on that same road, there's two of you but only one road: clearly you're going to kill him for stealing your road. Similarly, if both of you are in a fairly large field there's still just one field - conflict. But if we step off the road onto the shoulder: you have the road to yourself, and we have the shoulder. Fine, no conflict, and we can pass each other a lot closer than he'd be able to if we shared that large field. So in this case, with the "weird" biker (remember him?) we not only left the road, we stepped across a very clear separation (the ditch) between the road and the edge of a field. No conflict, the biker had the road to himself and therefore wasn't a threat... We passed each other calmly.
  
• As we got to the station some construction workers had blocked our usual path, and the only one open to us (other than turning back) led us quite close to a couple of guys working on a wall. I took Monster in a steady grip, kept my pace even, and led him straight past (Monster unfortunately on the side closest to the guys). One of the guys turned toward us, but I caught his eye and shook my head as I gently praised Monster - and we walked straight past!
  
• Final one: We walked through a neighboring village when a car came driving up behind us veeeeery slowly, with something-or-other screaming bloody murder inside the engine (or wherever: what I know about cars you could fit onto a stamp!). I thought there was no way Monster would be able to handle it, but he looked up at me with a slightly anxious look and I calmly (faked! so, so faked!) praised him and told him to keep walking. Which he did! Only the car just passed us and then it stopped... It turned out to be a service van for... err... one of the electricity-thing-boxes-whatever you see on some streets? And a couple of men got out and started to unload a bunch of tools. It was a very narrow street, and big men loudly handling strange tools are close to the worst thing Monster can think of (the two top things on the list are: 1) Anyone Mom's angry with; and 2) A man walking toward us with angry voice). I'd stopped as soon as the car stopped ahead of us, to evaluate the situation and decide how to handle it, but it was clear that they wouldn't be moving any time soon... So, for whatever reason I decided the situation was manageable and we set off walking forward again. As we drew level to the car Monster was less than half a meter away from the nearest man (with me in between) - who turned toward us and said "That's not a small dog!"... I mumbled something (I have no idea what I said) without taking my eyes off Monster, every hair on my body was literally on end - very weird feeling! - I was so tense, and just kept walking past. No problem! Super cool Monster! Well, maybe not cool exactly. But instead something far more important: concerned, but looking to me for guidance! Wow. What a feeling! I think I bounced on happy clouds all the way home...

(And to everyone claiming dogs can "psychically" feel how you feel, and if you have a reactive dog that's just because you are projecting nervousness and in order to have a calm dog you need to be calm: that's not true. Not only is it not how you feel but instead how you act, it's actually perfectly possible to have a reactive dog if you're half asleep and about as revved up as Eeyore. And you can totally fake calm. Don't tell people to relax, stop shortening the leash around triggers, stop scanning  for potential surprises, and so on. I hate that advise! It's dangerous to give a reactive dog a slack leash, it's dangerous to not pay attention and get a surprise. A dog's behavior is not in the head of the owner! A dog is its own living, thinking being, and while our behavior (note behavior; not beta waves) can certainly affect theirs, they're not an extension of our own consciousness. There is a lot of ridiculous advice out there (usually from people who once had a teenaged dog act up once or twice which they then "fixed" due to their exceptional dogsmanship... yeah, right, pull the other one...) and a lot of it is certainly quite harmful, but this type of advice is the most tiresome. Acting calm is important, but feeling calm isn't. If you have a dog like Monster you have good reason to not feel the least bit calm, and you don't need to work on meditation, calm breathing, or any of that - not unless you can't separate your feelings and you actions. On the contrary, not feeling calm keeps you alert. I say, fight the calm nazis!)

Dude. Chill! Want a taste of my stick?

 And really. What is it with people and the weird size comments!? I know I'm not alone (I found an old blog post from another CC-owner listing strange comments and questions he'd heard on walks), so apparently a lot of people feel the need to comment on a CC's size (and probably other large breeds too?). "That's not a small dog!", "What a big dog!", "That's just a puppy, right? hehehe", "Where's that dog going to walk you?", "What's that Great Dane mixed with - a horse?", "Are you sure you're feeding that thing enough?", "Couldn't you find one in a bigger size?", "Do you have an elephant farm?", "Look at the tiny puppy!", "Oh, aren't you just a precious little doll?", and so on, and so on... Why? Is it an expression of discomfort, they're afraid of him and try to find safety in humor? Because he's smaller than a Great Dane, for instance... I honestly find it a bit weird.

As long as they note my beauty, it's all good with me.

Today's Cloud

I keep thinking there's something... "off" about how Monster moves. I can't pinpoint what it is (I'm truly hopeless at spotting gait asymmetries) but I can't shake the general impression that there's something a little wrong. But at just under two years of age I had him X-rayed for his official joint certification: clear elbows, clear hips. A year later I had him X-rayed from head to tail to look for abnormalities: completely clear. He's been examined by two separate orthopedic specialist veterinarians, at two different clinics: nothing wrong with him. I have to accept that I've really done what I can to find out if there's anything wrong, and that people with years and years of professional experience tell me that he's fine. But. I just... I can't shake it, he moves weird! I'm so incredibly worried that he's in pain somewhere. It's exhausting! But what if I am missing something after all...?

Would you relax?! Oh, and quit walking behind me to stare at my butt as I walk, it's weird!

Perhaps this is what you get when you lose much loved dogs to hip and elbow dysplasia? Perhaps it's because of Monster's mental issues, and I'm just searching for something physical to "fix" for him? I don't know... But I think I have to stop. I have done the best I can with what is at most very vague symptoms (and perhaps most likely nothing at all). I've taken him to the vet's - I've taken him to several vets. If there's truly something wrong I'll have to let it become worse (and therefore diagnosable) rather than hold my breath at every stumble. It's just... It's not so easy to just stop worrying, you know?

Today's Sunshine

Since we haven't been doing much there isn't much to talk about, but I can at least say I'm so happy Monster enjoys nose work so much! I have managed to spend some time with him outside to search for hidden items in the garden, and it's always nice to see how much fun it is for him. He may not have the most efficient search pattern (he does a very cursory sweep of the area at first before settling down to search more carefully - not necessarily a bad idea in case that would ever get him anywhere, but I don't think he ever manages to cut any corners), and he is perhaps more enthusiastic than thorough, but it's absolutely great to see him work through piles of rubble and try to climb up trees to find a little plastic coaster! And he does it even with fairly big distractions around. If my headache wasn't so bad I'd have laughed out loud just from happiness at seeing him work (and he's so enthusiastic! it doesn't matter to him that he's been asked to search through a dozen or more dead ends - he sure it's going to be in the next place we look). He's the most amazing dog I could ever imagine having.

*sniff*   *sniff*   *sniiiiiiiiff*   ... Yeah, we're definitely getting closer!

Today's Cloud

Woke up with a pounding headache this morning, and it's stubbornly stuck with me all day. It laughs at painkillers. Going for walks has been agony, and playing with Monster has been nearly impossible. I also worry that it affects my attention and I'll miss an approaching trigger... Today has been a brightly sunny day, which is a rare thing in dreary November, and add that to it being Sunday it means there has been an unusual number of people out and about. I've cut the walks down to a minimum, most of them less than half an hour long and only one more than an hour. We've had some close calls and I've had to adjust our intended route quite a few times, but fortunately we've managed to keep the distances Monster needs. I do my best on days like these, but they really gnaw on my conscience. I can't explain to Monster why I'm so lazy and boring, and no doubt the pain also affects how I treat him (it's hard to be patient with barking when your head seems to be about to explode, for example).

Come on, let's play!

It also makes today quite a missed opportunity, since the nice weather and the few hours of daylight this time of year means a lot of simultaneous activity all around our house. Excellent chance to train focus and calm around distractions, while in a controlled environment. Sigh...

Today's Sunshine

Today has turned out better than I dared to hope yesterday. Monster is certainly a bit more tense, he's very alert and reacts to any unexpected noise (we're talking bird song levels here, not car alarms), but it's not the disaster I expected. In fact, on a walk today we met a large man on the road, dressed in a huge jacket and carrying some sort of tool - that's a lot of danger for Monster. I probably should have turned right around and gotten out of there, but I kept an eye on Monster and kept walking instead... He was quite interested in the man, and I could tell he was getting closer to the edge where curiosity would turn into something else, but he was holding it together. When we got close to passing the man I gently steered Monster a little to the side, out on the grass shoulder, and encouraged him to keep walking. No doubt I was very rude to the man as I wouldn't take my focus off Monster for even a second to look up and say hi, but I really needed all my attention on Monster right then. And we did it! Monster walked right past without a single warning sign; no stiff legs, no staring (but certainly a lot of looking, which is a different thing), no tension in his face, nothing!

I earned this carrot, people!

Unfortunately, maybe ten seconds after we'd passed each other the man turned around (forgotten something?) and started following us. This is not good, and I so didn't want to end that success with a miserable failure! After a moments hesitation I decided to turn back with Monster too and pass the man again - better to deal with it quickly than let tension build and make it even worse. (As I'm sure you know people walking dogs (on leash) walk slower than people walking alone, because dogs do a lot of quick pauses along the way, so the man would have caught up with us.) So I turned Monster around in a small circle - winding up with him closer to the man on the road than I was - and started walking back, this time praising him nonstop (I usually keep quiet in most tense situations, since even encouragement can tip Monster over) - his body language was flickering between tense and playful, and I tried to encourage the playful side by using voice and words usually used in high energy training. It was a gamble, but it payed off. Monster walked right past the man again! A day of miracles... Of course, then the man turned back around again!

. . .

No, just kidding! He walked off, and we kept walking the same direction for half a minute or so before we turned back around again and continued our walk. You know, my family is into extreme sports, like scary movies and so on, which I just don't get. They think my life is boring. Hah! My adrenal glands get all the exercise they need, believe me...

Well, you named me Monster...

Today's Cloud

Honestly, today's been pretty good! Although, when we came home from grocery shopping some people out walking their dogs had stopped to chat with the neighbors over the fence, and when I loaded Monster out of the car he did tense up at them and wanted to get a closer look (which would have been too much for him). After yesterday that feels so normal it's barely worth noticing, but the key truly lies in being successful in the small things - that's when the big issues can be dealt with. I was tired and carrying a heavy bag, and I should have planned things out better. I saw them as we drove past, I even thought something along the lines of "Aw, man, now I have to deal with that too!"... So I should have taken Monster out separately and gone back for the shopping. Perhaps I could even have used the situation as an opportunity for half a minute's training, if I'd only been active in the situation and thought ahead. Instead of moaning and complaining, reacting instead of planning, and setting Monster up for failure.

Well. This wasn't such a small thing after all...

See? I told you.

Today's Sunshine

Alright, let's give this a go anyway... I've spent a lot of time since the last post just playing with Monster, both to use up some of his nervous energy and to try to make sure he associates me being physical with him with fun and games, rather than with stress and conflict. I don't know how well the second part's working, but I think I got the first one down. He's now conked out on the couch next to me, he's eaten (always a good sign with regards to his stress levels), and he's ignoring sounds from the outside.

Don't type so loud, I'm trying to sleep here!

We haven't been playing any "useful" games at all (i.e. training games), just high energy goofing around, lots of wrestling, jumping around on the furniture, playing tug, and "ambush the thief"*. He's shown some clear signs of being uncomfortable around me, like when he sees me coming and he's doing something he shouldn't (like stealing the new sheets from the bags in the hall, in order to shred them...) he's displayed evasion and pacification. Since I know where his "bad behavior" is coming from, and he can't really help himself (the tension needs to be released somehow!), I've told myself that no matter what he takes it into his head to do I'll let him - or even loot the bags with him - as long as he doesn't get into something that would be harmful to him. Today is not a day for teaching or enforcing rules and good behavior. So what if I have to buy new stuff (or do without): Monster comes first! Priority one is getting back to normal, until then special rules apply. (And yes, I'm aware that there will be some setbacks in basic good behavior around the house once things are back to normal. Worth it.) We've also been for another (fairly short) walk, and I did my best to be fun and engaging for most of it - and he seemed (it's quite dark out, so reading more than basic posture - if that - is difficult) to enjoy himself. We didn't see anyone else - and if we had I would have turned and ran for the hills, no more triggers today! (And the closest hills are an hour's drive away, so that would have been some solid exercise...)

Woohoo, let's wrestle some more!

All in all, I think I've done the best I could to quickly right the ship. Let's see how it plays out over the next few days... In other - but possibly related - news, I got a desperate craving for salt, and wound up eating about a spoonful or two of table salt! Weird... Straight away I started feeling a lot less weak and off kilter. Anyone got a clue what that's about?


(* A game where Monster "steals" something - it can be absolutely anything, including his own toys, the difference is in how he behaves with the thing he has: when he's a "thief" he splays out his legs, looks at me over his shoulder, runs off with sort of straight legs (think Monty Python and silly walks), and blows loudly through his nose. Then I "angrily" stomp-runs after him for a few steps, until he's far enough away to not see as I turn and hide behind some corner. That's the ambush... Monster will come sneaking back - "stolen" item and all - and caaaaaaarefully walk around the corner where (he knows) I'm waiting to jump out at him. And I chase him for a few seconds, and usually set up a new ambush again. He loves this game (if I wasn't so mature and sensible I'd love it too), and it usually ends with him circling around me and hitting me with the thing he "stole", until I'll get down on the floor and wrestle with him for a bit.

You'll never catch me!

It's a lot of fun, and I believe(?) that the over the top threatening behavior from me is good for his confidence around people. I know he's (usually) not scared of me, but he finds it very difficult to be around people who are arguing for example... Who knows. I'm doing the best I can.)