I'm going nuts.
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| Too late for that, you were nuts when I met you... |
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Today's Cloud
Monster is driving me up the wall, round the bend, and probably soon off a cliff. Everything is Threat Level Midnight. Anything from a gust of wind to a dog barking in the distance sends him into high alert. Any attempts to learn something new results in him lying down and playing dead.
I'm going nuts.
I'm going nuts.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Today's Cloud
There is a lot to do with the house before Monster and I can go north to my family home this summer. Much of it Monster can't be a part of, like when I'm trying to kill myself with a chainsaw. Or when I'm trying to kill myself on a ladder. Or trying to kill myself maneuvering a loaded trailer downhill. Or, let's be honest here, trying to kill myself wielding a screwdriver. Handy I am not...
But this means Monster spends quite a bit of time alone in the house, while he listens to me make a racket outside. This is stressing him out, because he's alone, because he's left out of activities, because he's getting much less attention, and because the noise and the changes are scary. Also, he'd really like to eat the chainsaw.
I'm not sure how to make this better for him. All the work needs to be done, and it's really far too dangerous for him to be underfoot. But it's not good for him to be alone and freaking out either...
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| Aha! I knew I couldn't have given you all those bruises! |
But this means Monster spends quite a bit of time alone in the house, while he listens to me make a racket outside. This is stressing him out, because he's alone, because he's left out of activities, because he's getting much less attention, and because the noise and the changes are scary. Also, he'd really like to eat the chainsaw.
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| It keeps growling at me! |
I'm not sure how to make this better for him. All the work needs to be done, and it's really far too dangerous for him to be underfoot. But it's not good for him to be alone and freaking out either...
Today's Sunshine
I impulse bought a hula hoop today, to use with Monster. As soon as I brought it out and looked at him he just lit up! Monster loves to train, to learn new things and experiment to figure out what will get him the reward. Most of all he loves interacting with props, I think he's more confident in what's expected of him if there's something for him to focus on outside himself.
This hula hoop was fun to bite, paw at, try to steal, push, lie down on, and eventually go through. I only got home with it after nine so we didn't get much training done, but in that one session he did go from nothing to going through it using only shaping.
I know it's not good for anything, but it is fun. And I'd do almost anything for that excited look on Monster's face when he realizes we're about to learn something together. My Monster is always beautiful, but when he's happy he's glorious...
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| That's cause I'm too awesome! |
This hula hoop was fun to bite, paw at, try to steal, push, lie down on, and eventually go through. I only got home with it after nine so we didn't get much training done, but in that one session he did go from nothing to going through it using only shaping.
I know it's not good for anything, but it is fun. And I'd do almost anything for that excited look on Monster's face when he realizes we're about to learn something together. My Monster is always beautiful, but when he's happy he's glorious...
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| Hmph! I'm always glorious. |
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Today's Cloud
The last 5-6 nights I've slept less than four hours each night. I'm off to bed, determined to try to force myself to sleep now.
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| You're weird. This isn't hard! |
Today's Sunshine
The chimney sweep came by today, and very enthusiastically greeted Monster. The strange black man carrying bristles and chains was quite interesting, and surprisingly not that scary! Monster was quite happy to meet him once he'd gotten over the first few seconds of suspicion, and remained calm when this stranger proceeded to bang and stomp his way around our house...
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| He was really funny! I made sure he petted me all over, and then I went and rolled on the carpet - it looks much better in black! |
Monday, June 4, 2012
Today's Cloud
Today I tried to go for a little longer walk than usual. Walking Monster is a big affair, it takes planning and constant vigilance.
Today I simply felt like going a little outside the box, but once we were home again I realized it didn't feel good at all - it just drove home how uncomfortable I am here.
This wide open farming landscape feels like a prison. Sure, you can see for miles and miles... But you can go nowhere. There are straight roads and straight paths, and everyone and everything has to cram into them, walking, running, biking and driving along the same narrow stretch of world. You want to go for a walk, you walk west or you walk east. Walk far enough, you can also choose between north and south.
Looking out the window of my house, I can see my sister's house. She lives about 6 miles away. This isn't open and free to me, it's claustrophobic. Back "home" you can go wherever you want. Step off the lawn into the rest of the world. Pick a direction and walk for days.
On a two and a half hour walk today, I walked past one village and through three more (not counting our own village), first going due east, then changing to a parallel road and going due west. After careful consideration, I can say I genuinely hate this.
Monster's issues makes this more apparent, but it would still be true even if he was fine meeting people, dogs, and whatever else on narrow and cramped roads. How can people stand this?
How can I stand this?
Thank Dog for that. Without Monster I would very literally go crazy...
Well... Crazier.
Today I simply felt like going a little outside the box, but once we were home again I realized it didn't feel good at all - it just drove home how uncomfortable I am here.
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| Look at that view... |
This wide open farming landscape feels like a prison. Sure, you can see for miles and miles... But you can go nowhere. There are straight roads and straight paths, and everyone and everything has to cram into them, walking, running, biking and driving along the same narrow stretch of world. You want to go for a walk, you walk west or you walk east. Walk far enough, you can also choose between north and south.
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| A different place... |
Looking out the window of my house, I can see my sister's house. She lives about 6 miles away. This isn't open and free to me, it's claustrophobic. Back "home" you can go wherever you want. Step off the lawn into the rest of the world. Pick a direction and walk for days.
 |
| Where should we go today... |
On a two and a half hour walk today, I walked past one village and through three more (not counting our own village), first going due east, then changing to a parallel road and going due west. After careful consideration, I can say I genuinely hate this.
Monster's issues makes this more apparent, but it would still be true even if he was fine meeting people, dogs, and whatever else on narrow and cramped roads. How can people stand this?
How can I stand this?
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| Don't worry Mom, I'm here. |
Thank Dog for that. Without Monster I would very literally go crazy...
Well... Crazier.
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